hasan minhaj

1) Yesterday, as I said, I went did the Marty’s Marathon, meaning I went up at the same open mic from 5PM to 11PM.  Instead of reviewing the whole experience, I’m going to just list all the tweets I had through the duration of the open mic as a “stream of consciousness” primary document to impart what exactly what I went through:
“At Marty’s for comedy open mic march of death. #thisisgoingtobefun #convincinghashtag.”  
“Audience/comics that may not listen of 3.”  
“Host redoing opening joke”  
“I love to hear homeless men fart.” #openmicgenius"  
“Host running time by when he finishes his burger”  
“People are looking at me while performing like I’m the only audience member because that’s kind of the case.”     
“Finished first set at marty’s and I’m thinking already "I’m still here”  
“There’s a crowd…. of five….. two of which are actually listening”  
“Apparently, I’m not the first one to do Marty’s from 5pm to 11pm. DAMN IT!!!”  
“To do material or to depress the shit out of people #openmichamlet”  
“You know what happens when I play hard to get? I DON’T GET GOT!” #openmicgenius" 
“Sad dick dead dick ad dick dead dick dead dick dead dick happy dick sad dick happy dick dead dick sad dick happy dick”  
“People keep think I’m texting. If only they knew what I was really doing.”  
“Got set number 2 in and got three awwwwws. #imstillhere”  
“Almost 8pm and have not gotten up 3 times at Marty’s or had more than 3 "audience members”.  
“Oh, and looks like I went with ”…to depress the shit out of people" #openmichamlet #reallythoughigotsomelaughs"  
“I’m addicted to cleaning my ears… It’s ear sex.” #openmicgenius"  
“3hr 38 min mark, still waiting to go up third time.”  
“What do you want from me?!?!??!?!??!??!??!??!??!??!??????????”  
“Hour 4, still waiting for set number 3”  
“3 people and the remnants of a person on stage left here at Marty’s”  
“13 minutes for third set at marty’s for three people”  
“10 min. conversation with host on stage in between comics.”  
“In hour 5, still here with three other people”  
“Just did 4 sets at Marty’s and it’s 11. FUCK.”  
“6 hours for 35 min. of stage time, though still feel empty. #maybethatsjustme”  

2) While waiting to see how long the Laugh Factory Comicthon will last or the judgment on Wikileaks founder Julian Assange you should probably go on tonight’s COMEDY CRAWL because it’ll be better for your life in general.  Start off with Sataristas Live @ Actor’s Gang 7PM Pay-what-you-can, then Ballgame’s Laugh Lounge @ Red Rock 8PM FREE, then This is Not Happening Presents: This Year in Review @ Hollywood Improv Lab $5/2 drink min., then Comedy Death Ray @ UCB Theatre 8:30PM $5 (stand by only), then Holy Fuck! @ Downtown Independent Theater 9PM FREE, then Three’s Comedy 5 Year Anniversary @ Three of Clubs 9PM FREE, then Hot Toddy @ iO West 11PM $5, then finish with Chatroulette LIVE! @ UCB Theatre 11PM $5.

3) OPEN MIC RUN: PALMS 8572 Santa Monica Blvd., West Hollywood, CA/Sign-up 4:30PM/Starts 5PM, then BACK HOME IN LAHAINA 519 Carson St., Carson, CA #A/Sign-up 6PM/Starts 7PM, BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE TOKYO @ SEÑOR FISH 422 E. 1st, Los Angeles, CA (downtown)/Sign-up 6:30PM/Starts 7PM, COFFEE GALLERY 2029 Lake Ave., Altadena, CA/Starts 8PM, WESTWOOD BREWCO 1097 Glendon Ave., Westwood, CA/Sign-up (lottery) 7:30PM/Starts 8PM, MARTY’S/THE OPEN MIC 7351 W. Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA (walk up Martel past Big Mama’s and Big Papa’s)/5PM to 11PM/$5/multiple sets allowed.

4) BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE TOKYO!!! ABBEY LONDER!!! $2 FISH TACOS!!! SURPRISE RAFFLES!!! $3 DOMESTIC/$4 IMPORTED BEER!!!  Oh yeah, you can literally walk to Holy Fuck after this.  (details above)

5) The Hollywood Laugh Factory has already set out to gain the world record of longest running continuous live comedy show, which is apparently 50 hours, with COMICTHON while simultaneously accepting toy donations for the Children’s Hospital and will run for a few days this week.  It has been advertised that Dave Chappelle will go up at some point, but there’s no indication as to when he will perform or when Dane Cook will go up. Check 8001 W. Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA at your own pleasure/peril.

6) “Special Case Mention” from friend of the Comedy Bureau’s Hasan Minhaj-If you’ve ever considered doing standup comedy understand that you’ll have to be able to follow this. This is real: http://yfrog.us/nfnu8z

7) Maria Bamford has already played one living room earlier this year.  Make the next living room she plays YOURS!!! Auction for a private performance from Maria Bamford here.  All proceeds go the Los Angeles Regional Food Bank.

8) The Comedy Bureau “Tip Its Hat” today to LIZZY COOPERMAN-“@lizzycooperman "Peaks and valleys, man. It’s all about peaks and valleys.” – a depressed person summing up life, or the book “Let’s Go Afghanistan”.  Yet another repeat “Tip of the Hat” winner, Lizzy is quite simply a privilege to watch with her furiously smart and swift jokes and should never be missed.  Don’t miss Lizzy tomorrow at Riot @ El Cid $10 4212 W. Sunset Blvd., Los Angeles, CA, The Josh and Josh Show @ Bar Lubitsch FREE 7702 Santa Monica Blvd., West Hollywood, CA, and with her fabulous sketch group Birds of Prey at Please, Thank You, You’re Welcome @ Bar Lubitsch FREE 8:30PM.  Also, be sure to check out Lizzy’s website and absolutely follow her on Twitter.

9) From the “You Should Have Been There” Lagoon: “Hello There” A film by Louis CK

10) Forget about whether it ‘tis the season or not… The Comedy Bureau needs your support.  Please donate here, if you are willing and able/decent person.

11) RT @Kabelion Based on comedy centrals 10 best comics of 2010, this year was the weakest year in comedy since Gallagher 1 was the biggest thing going.

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