donate – The Comedy Bureau

Post Brunch Update 1/6/11

1) It’s simply not enough to say that Frolic @ Far Bar is just a great show with a fantastic line-up of comics (which it is). With live comedy, running over 90 minutes, in my opinion, one enters extremely tricky territory as the audience tires, settles their check, and checks any pertinent e-mail/texts. Yet producer/comic Josh Rencher

put together such a tightly-run show with a plethora of great comics (who are so funny that it doesn’t matter that they have “credits” even though they all do) comprising what could be four different amazing shows on their own that I was able to sit and watch and laugh with the packed room throughout for the entire duration (approximately 2 hours). As host (and as cliché as this sounds, it’s true) with the most Asterios Kokkinos said, “There’s no fat on this show.” Within one of the parts of LA that actually looks like a city and has the type of nightlife where people actually WALK around, Little Tokyo, the hip, though very retro Far Bar offered Rencher’s Frolic! that very intimate setting that live comedy demands to work. Thus I simply enjoyed a night of some of my absolute favorites comics in LA that are regularly featured here at the Comedy Bureau and more: Host Asterios Kokkinos,

and Eddie Pepitone.

None of those people should be missed wherever they’re performing, but certainly not at the Frolic show. Unfortunately, Frolic will be on hiatus until a date and location to be yet determined, but check back at the Comedy Bureau for details on the next one.

2) Forget about the N word being taken out of Mark Twain’s Huckleberry Finn and how he must be rolling in his grave LAUGHING and saying, “I told you so!” Go on tonight’s COMEDY CRAWL instead. Persona @ Hollywood Improv 8PM $5/free for comics, The Josh & Josh Show @ Bar Lubitsch 8:30PM FREE, Fifty First Jokes @ Zephyr Theatre 9:30PM $7 (stand-by only), How to Live with Chelsea Peretti @ UCB Theatre 9:30PM $5.

3) OPEN MIC RUN: SANDWICH SPOT 3101 Ocean Park, Santa Monica/Starts 7PM, COMEDY CRATE OPEN MIC 1061 S. La Brea, Ingelwood, CA/Sign-up 6:30PM/Starts 7PM, HOLLYWOOD HOTEL 1160 N. Vermont Ave., Los Angeles, CA/Sign-up 7PM/Starts 7:30PM, CAFE ON 2ND 7 S. 2nd St., Alhambra, CA/Sign-up 7PM/Starts 7:30PM, 212 CAFE 212 Pier Ave., Santa Monica, CA/Starts 9PM, MARTY’S/THE OPEN MIC 7351 W. Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA (walk up Martel, past Big Mama’s and Papa’s)/5PM to 11PM/$5/multiple sets allowed

4) Next Tues. Jan. 11th. Louis CK will be dropping his upcoming album “Hilarious”. You should go buy it. I don’t think I can make this anymore matter-of-fact than the last two sentences except for this next one. Just go and buy it.

5) If you suffer from not having enough Marc Maron in your smartphone like I do, there is now a WTF Podcast w/Marc Maron app available for the iPhone, iPod, and iPad that you can stream multitudes of episodes off of or even be able to call the show when it’s taping. It’s Marc Maron for only $0.99. You can’t really turn that down. Really.

6) My faith in people has just been partially restored (approximately 2%) Conan O’Brien just won a People’s Choice Awards for Best Talk Show Host as you can see here.

7) The Comedy Bureau “Tips Its Hat” today to DAN DOMINGUEZ-“@dandomingueznow And, Lo a pale rider, on a skeletal horse, and Hell followed with him, and behind Hell: Incredible savings! Over 30% off on all housewares!” Dan not only cheats the edges of absurdity with his comedy, but comprises one third of the force that is the Biggest Mistake Podcast (other 2/3 is Paul Jay and Jen Goldberg) and a major part of the “manly as f” site manosterone.com. Check back at the Comedy Bureau for show dates as you don’t want to miss whatever Dan is going to say next. Website. Twitter.

8) From the “You Should Have Been There” Lagoon: Richard Pryor on Love

9) Donate to the Comedy Bureau. This is day 4 without food, and by food, I mean sanity…. Also, day 4 is really day 78.

10) Only other that is stupider than asking to be heckled on stage is telling a crowd that they don’t deserve you and then stay silent for the rest of your 5 minutes.

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Morning Debriefing 1/5/11

1) Now for another edition of “I Know What You’re Thinking… (No, You Don’t)”. The thoughts (as fragmented and schizo as they might be) of Comedy Bureau Director Jake Kroeger/@blitzkroeger on Twitter.—PEOPLE MUST THINK THIS PART OF THE MORNING DEBRIEFING SHOULD BE CALLED YOU HAVE NOTHING TO WRITE ABOUT!!! Really, how many people do you think read every part of this site? STOP IT ALREADY! You had a good comedy night. Oh really? Someone left Dec. 26th tickets to True Grit in the donation bucket at Señor Fish last night. Well, that’s bound to happen. Exactly how conscious are you as you write this post? Do you realize you’re calling this a MORNING debriefing and it’s currently 12:23PM PST? Get your shit together man (and you wonder why only 52 people read your post yesterday). It’s a start; a pretty good start, actually. OK, keep telling yourself that. Why don’t you write a bit about it, huh? It’ll go into the “you don’t know what you’re doing” portion of your act. SHUT UP! OK, got to finish this post, convince myself paying $5 at Marty’s/The Open Mic is worth it, and…. SHIT I have a show on Friday. Yeah, you do. It’ll be fine. Really, it will be fine. Oh yeah, I’m sure opening with that new “New Year’s” bit is just going to kill. Are you being ironic with me, right now? You’re funny. Thanks for that. Finally. ———– (those dashes are italicized)

2) I’m really trying to soak in the greatness of last night at Señor Fish and the Big Trouble in Little Tokyo Open Mic. Thanks once again to Jackie Kashian, Andy Peters, the multitude of comics that came out, and $2 fish tacos. See you guys next Tuesday for another extravaganza and a half (maybe I’ll even have the Big Trouble in Little China Soundtrack by that point).

3) The Comedy Bureau staff actually got into a huge debate as what to post on tonight’s COMEDY CRAWL. The ordeal is fortunately is over and was strangely brought to an end by everyone getting their coffee and taking the office dog for a walk. You’ve Seen These Guys @ Brea Improv 8PM $15/2 drink min., Frolic @ Far Bar 9PM FREE, “If This Doesn’t Work I’m Moving Home” A Variety Hour @ Harlem Place Cafe 8PM FREE, Meltdown @ Meltdown Comics 8:30PM $8/free beer, Beer in the Shower @ Whitehorse Cocktail Lounge Inn 9:30PM FREE.

4) OPEN MIC RUN: SPOT CAFE 4455 Overland, Culver City, CA/Sign-up (lottery) 7PM, THE LIBRARY A COFFEEHOUSE 3418 E. Broadway, Long Beach, CA/Sign-up 8PM/Starts 8:30PM, CAFE ON 2ND 7 S. 2nd St., Alhambra, CA/Sign-up 7PM/Starts 7:30PM, MARTY’S/THE OPEN MIC 7351 W. Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA (walk up Martel, past Big Mama’s and Papa’s)/5PM to 11PM/multiple sets allowed.

5) New Tenacious D album to be expected at the end of 2011. That’s all you should need to know for now. Check back at the Comedy Bureau for more details.

6) I’m barely conscious enough to type today’s post and I know I said I was going to say who to vote for Comedy Central’s Stand Up Showdown, but just check back at the Comedy Bureau for my recommendations. (in the meantime vote for Matt Braunger, Ryan Stout, and Mo Mandel)

7) Matt Braunger was on the Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson. If you missed it like I did because you hate yourself like I do (that part is not necessary) you can catch it here.

8) The Comedy Bureau “Tips Its Hat” today to LAUREN ASHLEY BISHOP "@sbellelauren well. we just beat ourselves. good game bourbon.“ Lauren is about to tour THE WORLD (she’s doing comedy in Africa in a few days). Forget about skipping to your local comedy club to do/see a few minutes about whatever is trending on Twitter. Sharp in her observations in her life and her views on the world, Lauren will hopefully come back to LA soon to share her comedic "wealth” (comedy, not money…. though money would be nice). Tumblr. Twitter.

9) From the “You Should Have Been There” Lagoon: SNL Celebrity Jeopardy French Stewart, Burt Reynolds, and Sean Connery

10) Donate to the Comedy Bureau. Someone really left tickets to True Grit from last year in the donation bucket last night.

11) Some people think that this might be my job because it seemingly takes up all my time. Anyone who wants to make that a 100% true statement, your help would be greatly appreciated.

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Morning Debriefing 1/3/11

1) Why should you be reading the Comedy Bureau? Well… if you’ve ever read the mission statement, you can trust in the entire Comedy Bureau staff to keep you up to date on the best shows, open mics most worthy of your hard earned free time, all pertinent LA Comedy news big and small (all the way from Matt Braunger getting a pilot order from Comedy Central to when Paul F Tompkins is having a live tweeting event), and who really is on the trailblazing forefront of comedy in this town and what they’re doing to make it so, with the personal, one-of-a-kind personal touch of a comedian firmly dug into the trenches of the best and worst that Los Angeles has to offer comedy-wise (This is How to Make It in Comedy?). Just like when people frequently ask me how to get featured here, I tell them, “be funny and I’ll find it.”, conversely, if you want unequivocal, undeniable funny, keep finding your way back to the Comedy Bureau.

2) Boy, oh boy, we’re back in business with a regular COMEDY CRAWL and some of the best shows/comedians/people to make you laugh after sitting in traffic after getting off work on the first Monday of 2011: What’s Up Tiger Lily? @ Hollywood Studio Bar & Grill 8PM FREE, Keep It Clean @ 1739 Public House 10PM FREE, Crash Test @ UCB Theatre 11PM $5 (stand by only).

3) OPEN MIC RUN: CLUB 705 705 Pier Ave., Hermosa Beach, CA/Starts 7PM, ARTIST ANARCHY @ PUKA BAR 710 W. Willow St., Long Beach, CA/Starts 8PM, TRIBAL CAFE 1651 W. Temple St, Los Angeles, CA (echo park)/Starts 8:30pm, SPEAKEASY @ HARLEM PLACE CAFE 124 W. 4th St., Los Angeles, CA (downtown)/Sign-up via e-mail speakeasyopenmic@gmail.com by 4PM/Starts promptly at 9PM, MARTY’S/THE OPEN MIC 7351 W. Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA (walk up Martel past Big Mama’s and Papa’s)/5PM to 11PM/$5/multiple sets allowed

4) I understand if you just want to get home and have your comedy just done for you (though that’s pretty much what you do during a live show) Luckily, all you good folks can tune into IFC’s “Comedy Death Ray” w/host Scott Aukerman premiering tonight at 10PM and then catch Matt Braunger on the Late Late Show w/Craig Ferguson 12:35AM on CBS.

5) “Is This Thing On?” Not only, “is it on”, the Gallery 1988 exhibition of 100 artists “taking” on representations of funny people like Richard Pryor, George Carlin, Bill Murray, Louis CK, and many many more is something not to be missed. Starting this Fri. Jan. 7th at Gallery 1988, check back at the Comedy Bureau for more details this week.

6) Something that you might not know about the Big Trouble in Little Tokyo Open Mic this Tues.: Señor Fish is open until 1AM and if there’s people still on the list, I’ll keep it running until then. Oh yeah, Jackie Kashian & Andy Peters are going to be there too. That’s enough reasons to go I think. 422 E. 1st St., Los Angeles, CA/Sign-up 6:30PM/Starts 7PM.

7) The Comedy Bureau “Tips Its Hat” today to JACKIE KASHIAN-“@jackiekashian My Vision Board wants me to get bi-focals.” This is Jackie’s second of the Tip of the Hat and I’m more than happy to give it to her just like I’m happy to go out of my way to see her because she is one of a couple of comedians who I literally witness “just turn it on” whenever they feel like it since they have the ability to do that. Also, her stories about her dad and husband are ones that need to be heard. You can do so tonight at What’s Up Tiger Lily? 8PM FREE, tomorrow at Big Trouble in Little Tokyo, and this Wed. at Meltdown @ Meltdown Comics 8:30PM $8 Website. Twitter. Tumblr. Dorkforest.

8) From the “You Should Have Been There” Lagoon: Dr. Stangelove Or: How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb-Trailer

9) Donate to the Comedy Bureau or I’ll fade out of the picture a la Michael J. Fox in the photo in Back to the Future.

10) If you’ve ever wonder the Comedy Bureau Offices look like, I’ll be driving my car around various open mics around LA tonight. No tours, however, are currently available at this time.

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THE COMEDY BUREAU

Morning Debriefing 1/3/11

8) From the “You Should Have Been There” Lagoon: Dr. Stangelove Or: How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb-Trailer

9) Donate to the Comedy Bureau or I’ll fade out of the picture a la Michael J. Fox in the photo in Back to the Future.

10) If you’ve ever wonder the Comedy Bureau Offices look like, I’ll be driving my car around various open mics around LA tonight. No tours, however, are currently available at this time.

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Morning Debriefing 1/2/11

1) In regards to Huffington Post’s “50 Funniest People of the Decade”, do those in charge of “informing” the public on “what is comedy” even know what comedy is anymore? Within their end-all, be all list for 2001-2010, they, first off, include Anderson Cooper, a strict journalist. Out of entire 10 years of comedy, the Huffington Post Comedy Staff actually decided to put the names Anderson Cooper amongst names like Mitch Hedberg, George Carlin, Conan O’Brien, and Paul F. Tompkins, which can only leave me to draw the conclusion that, like so many other “Best/Most Ever” lists, this is more of a popularity contest. Just like winning the Grammy for “Best Hip Hop Artist” has no actual bearing on talent so much as it does Soundscan’s numbers on someone’s shitty, air-horn laden, drenched-in-autotune single, being put on this particular list of who were the funniest people in the last ten years doesn’t necessarily indicate that the person “defined comedy” in that time (which is what the name of the list leads readers to believe). I understand that compiling such lists are incredibly stressful and time-consuming as I spent nearly three solid hours composing #Follow2011LAfunniest, a list of who you should follow on Twitter in 2011 (which is way better than Huffington Post version, if I may say so myself). There is a constant debate, even with only one person calling the shots, in trying to decide who makes the cut, but, you have to be objective as possible with what you’re compiling the list for. Thus, Huffington Post should have made “The 50 Funniest People that I Happen To Know About and/or Are Really Popular” to be more accurate. That’s why #Follow2011LAfunniest has people that may not have as many followers as @azizansari, but are consistently funnier than him along their entire log of Tweets. Several people are surprised with omissions of this Huffington Post list considering they are comedians/writers that are much funnier than the one’s featured. However, in deciphering what that list is really based on, I’m surprised that names omitted include Larry King and Russell Peters.

2) Oh, look, all kidding aside, you could physically make all of these shows, for once, on tonight’s COMEDY CRAWL (as well as afford them): The Not So Inappropriate Show @ UCB Theatre 4PM $12 (stand-by only), ASSSSCAT @ UCB Theatre 7PM FREE, French Toast @ Taix 8:30PM FREE.

3) OPEN MIC RUN: PALMS (call 310 652 6188 before going) 8572 Santa Monica Blvd., West Hollywood, CA/Starts 6PM, SAL’S COMEDY HOLE 7356 Melrose Ave., Hollywood, CA/Starts 6PM/one item min., SUNSET GRILL 7439 W. Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA/Starts 7PM/one item min., MARTY’S/THE OPEN MIC 7351 W. Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA (walk up Martel past Big Mama’s and Papa’s)/5PM to 11PM/$5/multiple sets allowed

4) STARTING JAN. 3RD (that’s tomorrow) Scott Aukerman of Comedy Death Ray will host IFC’s own “Comedy Death Ray” featuring a 90 minute block of now-comedy classics like “Arrested Development”, “Freaks and Geeks”, “Undeclared”, “The Larry Sanders Show”, and “The Ben Stiller Show”. Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday, tune in on IFC at 10PM to not only catch some of the best comedy series ever created, but Scott Aukerman and several other figures within the comedy world weighing in on them.

5) Big Trouble in Little Tokyo. Jokes. Destruction of public property. Fish Tacos. Jackie Kashian & Andy Peters. Don’t miss it. Señor Fish 422 E. 1st St. Sign up 6:30PM. Starts 7PM.

6) The Comedy Bureau “Tips Its Hat” today to LIZZY COOPERMAN: “AFFIRMATIONS FOR THE NEW YEAR [HQ]” Lizzy is almost beyond words, but here I am, yet again, writing about her comedic genius. Three Time Tip of the Hat winner Lizzy Cooperman is of such a rare ilk of skilled comedic performer that she still makes me laugh with the same jokes even though I’ve heard them 20 times. You can “witness” her this Tues. Jan 4th at Shooting Gallery @ Club 8572/Palms 8:30PM $10 or Thurs. Jan. 6th at Persona @ The Hollywood Improv Lab 8PM $5. Website. Twitter. Birds of Prey.

7) From the “You Should Have Been There” Lagoon: Ron Lynch-Comedian of the Future

8) Donate to the Comedy Bureau. In 2011, there are no other problems, except the Comedy Bureau having $nothing.

9) 2011 Comedy Predictions: Getting a Favstar 100 on Twitter will become more important than doing certain rooms/shows.

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Post Brunch Update 1/1/11

1) “#Follow2011LAfunniest” represents the 13 funniest folks (2+0+11) in LA on Twitter. If you want your 2011 to be anything resembling an improvement from 2010, then you should read EVERYTHING these fine people write (oh yeah, you should go see them at a show… they’re pretty hilarious in real life too). #Follow2011LAfunniest Lizzy Cooperman (@lizzycooperman), Eddie Pepitone (@eddiepepitone), Kyle Kinane (@kylekinane), Paul Jay (@pauljaycomic), Andrés du Bouchet (@dubouchet), Matt Knudsen (@matt_knudsen), Matt Dwyer (@matt_dwyer), Tony Sam (@tonysam76), Ryan Stout (@stoutryan), Dave Ross (@davetotheross), Lauren Ashley Bishop (@sbellelauren), Robert Buscemi (@robertbuscemi), and Jamie Lee (@thejamielee).

2) 8PM’s about when you’ll regain consciousness today, I mean this evening and try to remember where you left jacket, your wallet, and, incidentally, your innocence. Just go on tonight’s COMEDY CRAWL and forget about it with Hipster New Year w/Eddie Pepitone @ Flappers Burbank 8PM/10PM $17/2 drink min.

3) OPEN MIC RUN: WESTSIDE COMEDY THEATRE 1323-A 3rd St., Santa Monica, CA (in alley between 3rd and 4th St.)/Sign-up (lottery) 6PM/Starts 6:30PM, SUNSET GRILL 7439 W. Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA/Starts 7PM/one item min., MARTY’S/THE OPEN MIC 7351 W. Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA (walk up Martel past Big Mama’s and Papa’s)/5PM to 11PM/$5/multiple sets allowed

4) THE BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE TOKYO OPEN MIC is back for another round with none other than JACKIE KASHIAN and ANDY PETERS! Don’t miss out on some ass-kicking fun at Señor Fish (422 E. 1st St., Los Angeles, CA) this Tues. ¼. Sign-up 6:30PM. Starts 7PM.

5) The Comedy Bureau “Tips Its Hat” today to HASAN MINHAJ-“Law School Application” In his bio on his website, there is a line that reads “Today, Hasan enjoys writing biographies about himself in the third person.” Taking his observations about the world and himself throughout the country, Hasan is a comedic whirlwind that should be seen when you ever he’s going on stage. Such an occasion will happen on Mon. 1/3 at Keep It Clean @ 1739 Public House 10PM FREE and Tues. ¼ at Fresh Faces @ the Hollywood Laugh Factory 8PM $20/2 drink min. Here’s his website again along with his Twitter.

6) From the “You Should Have Been There” Lagoon: Lenny Bruce All Alone (yes, I know I’ve posted this before, but if we’re taking this “brand new year” thing seriously, this is one of the first things I want anyone/everyone to watch in comedy.)

7) Donate to the Comedy Bureau. You can start off the year (if you believe in that sort of thing) as a good person (again, if you’re into that sort of thing) if you do so.

8) New Year’s Resolution jokes here we come, including the joke-within-itself of considering starting in comedy as an acceptable resolution.

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The 2010 Post Brunch Update

1) Many who report on comedy in some fashion like to make “best of” lists at the end of every year. As with every list, there’s always debate, so, in the comedic spirit, I’ll stir the pot even further with The Comedy Bureau’s very own “The Very Best of ‘Best of Comedy in 2010” List featuring the top year end comedy lists as decided by Bureau Director Jake Kroeger himself. It doesn’t get any more “postmodern” than this folks…

1. 10 Moments Comedians Made Us Think This Year-Splitsider
2. 10 Best Comedy Albums of 2010-Amazon.com
3. The 10 Must Have Stand Up Comedy DVDs from 2010-Punchline Magazine
4. 15 Funny People We Lost in 2010-Splitsider
5. Top 5 Funniest TV Comedies-Huffington Post-Matt Wilstein
6. 2010 Wasn’t So Shitty After All-Mike Bridenstine

2) WE ARE ON THE VERGE OF another Saturday. Still, that doesn’t change the fact that there’s some great laughs to be found on tonight’s COMEDY CRAWL. Start with The Not Inappropriate Show @ UCB Theatre 4PM $12, then go to Michael Rayner @ Flappers Burbank YooHoo Room 7:30PM/9:30PM $20, then Christopher Titus @ Flappers Burbank 8PM/10PM $60, or just go to San Francisco and do the 15th Annual Comedy Countdown @ Palace of Fine Arts 9:30PM $60-$114.

3) OPEN MIC RUN: FLAPPERS BURBANK BAR 102 E. Magnolia, Burbank, CA/Starts 5PM, MARTY’S/THE OPEN MIC 7351 W. Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA (walk up Martel past Big Mama’s and Papa’s)/Starts 5PM/$5/multiple sets allowed

4) The Ultimate Free & Cheap LA Comedy List ½-1/8. Thanks Wisepix.

5) With the popularity of Paul F Tompkins Live Tweeting during a major holiday with his #midnightmass2010, Paul has decided to do it yet again with New Year’s Day and The Twilight Zone Marathon on SyFy. Follow @pftompkins after Midnight PST to join in the after hours/New Year’s fun while you wait for the Rose Parade (because you were waiting to watch the Rose Parade, right?)

6) The Comedy Bureau “Tips Its Hat” today to the entire LOS ANGELES COMEDY COMMUNITY that give the entire Comedy Bureau Staff/me something to write about everyday and the inspiration/will to write/perform every night.

7) From the “You Should Have Been There” Lagoon: George Carlin-Modern Man

8) Donate to The Comedy Bureau. Leave 2010 on a good note.

9) Last night, a comic asked to be heckled, just like 2010 did.

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The 2010 Post Brunch Update

4) The Ultimate Free & Cheap LA Comedy List ½-1/8. Thanks Wisepix.

7) From the “You Should Have Been There” Lagoon: George Carlin-Modern Man

8) Donate to The Comedy Bureau. Leave 2010 on a good note.

9) Last night, a comic asked to be heckled, just like 2010 did.

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Morning Debriefing 12/30/10

1) Now for the start of “I Know What You’re Thinking… (No, You Don’t)”, an ongoing series into the psyche of a comedian (me/The Comedy Bureau Director/@blitzkroeger) after a night of comedy in LA—SURE, there were plenty of great shows as “confirmed” by the wondrous updates via my facebook feed that I could have attended last night, but instead, I chose to throw myself back into the pit/den of lions of trying out new material. Over the last week and a half, I’ve tightened my “holidays” material to the point of ad nauseam and decided to get back to work on deconstructing the norms and mores of dating in our times that mostly involves me getting “I’ll be right back” and “You’re too nice.” “You’re such a great guy” is another really popular one. In this spirit, I wrote out a brand new 7 minutes revolving around that topic. Actually, “grossly spat out whilst reading Twitter” would be a more accurate description of what was created. At the open mic, I nearly forgot half of it, remembering mostly just the punchlines and hardly any of the set-ups, transitions, intros, premises, etc. and it was met with the long bouts of silence and false sympathy from the “green” comic in the room who still doesn’t shut up during people’s sets that it deserved. In short, my set was mostly garbage and yet, I felt like it was needed. In being a comedian, as much as I strive to smash the place when I go up, I sincerely believe that a “humbling” set is needed every once in a while to let you know that you’re human and not comedy incarnate (For the record: I have NEVER thought I was comedy incarnate). Still, as honest you have to be with yourself when being an artist developing his or her art, you also have to lift yourself up and try to take something, anything from any performance, which, in this case, was about 5 or 6 lines that worked and actually got laughs the way I wanted despite me rambling them out of my mouth in an almost incoherent, depression-ridden fashion. Tune in next time at the Comedy Bureau to see where those 5 or 6 lines actually go…. or if I just lose it altogether.

2) I don’t have a New Year’s Resolution because it’s just another week on the calendar, just like tonight’s COMEDY CRAWL is another damn fine night of laughter. Start with The 2010 It Sucked Awards @ UCB Theatre 8PM $5 (stand-by only), then go to T’was the Night Before New Year’s Eve @ Hollywood Improv 8PM $14/2 item min., then go to This Comedy Show @ the Jon Lovitz Club 8PM $20/2 drink min./$3 valet parking special, and finish with The Josh & Josh Show @ Bar Lubitsch 8:30PM FREE.

3) OPEN MIC RUN: SAL’S COMEDY HOLE 7356 Melrose Ave., Hollywood, CA/Starts 6PM/one item min., MARTY’S/THE OPEN MIC 7351 W. Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA (walk up Martel past Big Mama’s and Papa’s)/5PM to 11PM/$5/multiple sets allowed

4) The Greater LA Open Mic Map will be very soon updated with whole new round of open mics for the new year for everyone to try their new year’s resolution material at. Check back at the Comedy Bureau very soon for updates.

5) Though this might sound traitorous, especially since the Comedy Bureau is LA based, if you have New Year’s Eve plans to see a comedy show, LEAVE LA!!! The best New Year’s Eve comedy event will actually be taking place in San Francisco at the Palace of Fine Arts. The 15th Annual Comedy Countdown Dec. 31st 9:30PM will feature the likes of Laurie Kilmartin, Nick Thune, Charlyne Yi, Christina Pazitsky, the Sklar Brothers, and many more. Tickets range from $60 to $114, which is why I’m completely fine with going to a party and donating a few bucks for a keg back here in LA.

6) thecomedystore replied to your post: Morning Debriefing 12/29/10-Y U no Love? Two quick answers: 1) In doing the Comedy Bureau, I’m also a comic whose slowly, but surely growing incapable of the act of love. 2) I hate when people write like preschoolers attempting to draw and color. MORE TO COME SOON. VERY SOON.

7) The Comedy Bureau “Tips Its Hat” today to WILL WELDON: “@oldmanweldon To raise awareness about violence against women I tell every guy in Ed Hardy that they probably hit women.” Hailing from Canada, Will has brought has sharpened observations to LA where have they been welcomed certainly by the Comedy Bureau and many others in LA comedy circles. Hopefully, we can make those circles aware of Will’s hilarity increase in size and/or number. All of you good folks reading this can actually see Will at What’s Up Tiger Lily @ Hollywood Studio Bar & Grill Mon. Jan 3rd, 8PM FREE and Fifty First Jokes @ The Zephyr Theater Thurs. Jan. 6th 9PM $7. Also, don’t miss his website, Twitter, or blog.

8) From the “You Should Have Been There” Lagoon: Bill Hicks Banned Set on Letterman

9) Donate to the Comedy Bureau… Tron made enough money, OK? Spread the wealth.

10) The rain has stoppped…. The skies are clear…. You can even see the mountains in the distance that you never knew existed… AND I STILL CAN’T GET THAT NEW 7 MINUTES ON HOMEWRECKING TO WORK!!!

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THE COMEDY BUREAU

Morning Debriefing 12/30/10

1) Now for the start of “I Know What You’re Thinking… (No, You Don’t)”, an ongoing series into the psyche of a comedian (me/The Comedy Bureau Director/@blitzkroeger) after a night of comedy in LA—SURE, there were plenty of great shows as “confirmed” by the wondrous updates via my facebook feed that I could have attended last night, but instead, I chose to throw myself back into the pit/den of lions of trying out new material. Over the last week and a half, I’ve tightened my “holidays” material to the point of ad nauseam and decided to get back to work on deconstructing the norms and mores of dating in our times that mostly involves me getting “I’ll be right back” and “You’re too nice.” "You’re such a great guy" is another really popular one. In this spirit, I wrote out a brand new 7 minutes revolving around that topic. Actually, “grossly spat out whilst reading Twitter” would be a more accurate description of what was created. At the open mic, I nearly forgot half of it, remembering mostly just the punchlines and hardly any of the set-ups, transitions, intros, premises, etc. and it was met with the long bouts of silence and false sympathy from the “green” comic in the room who still doesn’t shut up during people’s sets that it deserved. In short, my set was mostly garbage and yet, I felt like it was needed. In being a comedian, as much as I strive to smash the place when I go up, I sincerely believe that a “humbling” set is needed every once in a while to let you know that you’re human and not comedy incarnate (For the record: I have NEVER thought I was comedy incarnate). Still, as honest you have to be with yourself when being an artist developing his or her art, you also have to lift yourself up and try to take something, anything from any performance, which, in this case, was about 5 or 6 lines that worked and actually got laughs the way I wanted despite me rambling them out of my mouth in an almost incoherent, depression-ridden fashion. Tune in next time at the Comedy Bureau to see where those 5 or 6 lines actually go…. or if I just lose it altogether.

6) thecomedystore replied to your post: Morning Debriefing 12/29/10-Y U no Love? Two quick answers: 1) In doing the Comedy Bureau, I’m also a comic whose slowly, but surely growing incapable of the act of love. 2) I hate when people write like preschooler’s attempt to draw and color. MORE TO COME SOON. VERY SOON.

8) From the “You Should Have Been There” Lagoon: Bill Hicks Banned Set on Letterman

9) Donate to the Comedy Bureau… Tron made enough money, OK? Spread the wealth.

10) The rain has stoppped…. The skies are clear…. You can even see the mountains in the distance that you never knew existed… AND I STILL CAN’T THAT NEW 7 MINUTES

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THE COMEDY BUREAU

Morning Debriefing 12/27/10

1) Hashtags. #whatthehellisthis? #whydoIcare? Partially as a necessity to promote one’s self as a performer and partially as an indulgence into one’s own belief in their own genius, being on Twitter for comedians, not only in LA, but around the world, seems like a natural occurrence. Many comedians indeed just promote their shows/videos/podcasts/etc. while others tweet absolutely everything they do while other others even go further and actually utilize Twitter as a sort of “open mic” for jokes that might actually might make it into their act. Taking that all into consideration, the newest and possibly most interesting “comedian trend” on Twitter is the “joke hashtag” where a random, arcane topic, such as “fat indie bands”, is preceded by the “#” symbol and has no spaces in between, which follows an attempt at that topic. Ex. “@blitzkroeger Rage Against the Blood Pressure Machine #fatindiebands”. If you like subjecting yourself to following 400 people on Twitter and reading EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEIR TWEETS, then you’ll notice that many comedians all the way from big time “names” like Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) to some excellent “no-name” writers spend a considerable amount of time coming up for more tweets to add to that “joke hashtag”, when they will most likely never in their entire lifetime on stage, ever use any of that. In fact, nearly all of these types of tweets are extremely pun based and I can hardly see anyone using them onstage ever, much less on tour/on the road where Twitter terminology is quite possibly a foreign language. Yet, as a comedian, I feel compelled, like it’s running laps during 6th grade P.E. to join in on the “joke hashtag” fest. As this keeps happening and my time to be productive/be the Comedy Bureau is eaten away at, I ask myself why do I succumb to this and I’ve concluded that joining in on these “joke hashtags” is the new form of “riffing” over dinner or while smoking outside that, above all else, keeps you sharp, thinking on your toes, and ready for something that isn’t in your element. As I’ve come to see the value in thinking what some more “#failedrockbandmovies” are, I would say to comics, perhaps join in on some “joke hashtags” to work out your brain for later when writing your own material and, sometimes (emphasis on sometimes) to actually have fun. #whatanovelconcept #articlesnoonecaresabout

2) For branding purposes only, I am maintaining the term “COMEDY CRAWL” for tonight even though there is only one show I would recommend. For tonight, go to Alonzo Bodden @ Comedy and Magic Club 8PM $15/2 drink min.

3) OPEN MIC RUN: SAL’S COMEDY HOLE 7356 Melrose Ave., Hollywood, CA/Starts 6PM/one item min., TRIBAL CAFE 1651 W. Temple St., Los Angeles, CA (Echo Park)/Starts 8:30PM, MARTY’S/THE OPEN MIC 7351 W. Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA/5PM to 11PM/$5/multiple sets allowed

4) It has been brought to my attention that people actually read the CHAIN OF COMMAND section of the Comedy Bureau and are curious as to the nature of the other members. Consigliere Joe Braza, Field Liaison Jeremy Paul, and Assistant to the Field Liaison Russell Corona are all dedicated members of the Comedy Bureau hand picked by me/the Bureau Director himself to ensure that I don’t go completely insane in trying to issue out the “debriefing” everyday. Also, they take care a lot of heavy lifting and any ancillary dirty work that I need done. In addition to all of that, they comprise of some of the funniest folks I know. To all those interested in contributing to the Comedy Bureau, before you find me, I’ll find you OR just e-mail thecomedybureau@gmail.com

5) It was asked of me several weeks ago that I list the “Pound for Pound” Open Mics in the Los Angeles area for every day of the week as I’m the guy whose willing to drive to such mythical places as Alhambra and Carson and even beyond for some stage time. The wait for this list is over… tomorrow and then everyone can see what’s the best place to actually try out material instead of risking doing so when booked.

6) TOMORROW is the premiere of Part 8 of the Big Trouble in Little Tokyo Open Mic. Don’t miss cheap food, cheap beer, cheap Tony Sam and Matt Knudsen, some cheap great laughs, and cheap “big trouble” at Señor Fish. Be at 422 E. 1st St., Los Angeles, CA at 6:30PM for sign-up and 7PM for the start. That is all.

7) The Comedy Bureau “Tips Its Hat” today to JAN DAVIDSON-“Interview with a Virgin” Being named one of the “Funniest Moms in America” by Nick at Nite might lead you to believe that Jan Davidson tells cute jokes about her kids, but you couldn’t be more mistaken. Jan is one of the more edgy, innovative, amazing performers amongst, not just mothers, but all comics that I’ve come across in my travels as the Comedy Bureau and certainly a joy to watch. Please check her myspace page and/or back at the Comedy Bureau for more on Jan and her next performance.

8) From the “You Should Have Been There” Lagoon: Eddie Pepitone heckles himself

9) Donate to the Comedy Bureau because I still don’t work for LA weekly or the LA times and don’t have a glass office, which this lovely minimalist inspired site might lead you to believe.

10) In reference to my act, I was just told by my dad that “being unable to get a girl” and “hating your mother” are not relatable topics of discussion. I must be out of touch with our “zeitgeist” as everyone is APPARENTLY successfully dating and are members of a fully functional, totally agreeable nuclear family unit. My apologies Comedy Community/Los Angeles/America.

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THE COMEDY BUREAU

Morning Debriefing 12/27/10

8) From the “You Should Have Been There” Lagoon: Eddie Pepitone heckles himself

9) Donate to the Comedy Bureau because I still don’t work for LA weekly or the LA times and don’t have a glass office, which this lovely minimalist inspired site might lead you to believe.

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THE COMEDY BUREAU

Morning Debriefing 12/26/10

1) The amazingly funny LA comedian Asterios Kokkinos along with his “Family of Tumblrs” has taken comedy via “online minutiae” to an entirely new level. With what essentially is 5 entirely different blogs through upstart social networking site www.tumblr.com, all with a very specific theme, showcases the depth and vastness of Asterios’ knowledge of popular culture and his overall cleverness. From a blog about pitching “horribly awesome” screenplay ideas (Presidentbaby.com), to a blog featuring “What Happened on the Internet Today” (whotit.tumblr.com), to a blog that has transcripts of Asterios’ various hilarious online conversations (chatloggin.tumblr.com), to his own personal blog (asterios.tumblr.com), and even to a blog parodying Billy Joel standard “Movin’ Out” (6acks.tumblr.com), Kokkinos not only offers up several great ways to see his sensational comedy to the entire world, but does so in basically one neatly wrapped online package. Be sure to check out Asterios’ Family of Tumblrs and check back at the Comedy Bureau to see if he adds any more to the 5 featured here as well as when he’s performing LIVE (you really don’t want to miss out on that).

2) Done with Christmas? You should be. Don’t you dare go to a damn sale and succumb to things you don’t need being 70% off. Go on tonight’s COMEDY CRAWL, which will cost less than the mysterious $200 receipt you’ll inevitably rack up if you go to any major retailer today. Start with ASSSSCAT @ UCB Theatre 7:30PM FREE, then go to Holiday All Stars @ Hollywood Improv 8PM $14/2 item min, and finish with Shitty Jobs @ UCB Theatre 11PM $5.

3) OPEN MIC RUN: SAL’S COMEDY HOLE 7356 Melrose Ave., Hollywood, CA/Starts 6 PM/one item min., SUNSET GRILL (call 323 851 5557 before going) 7439 W. Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA/Starts 7PM/one item min., MARTY’S/THE OPEN MIC 7351 W. Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA/5PM to 11PM/$5/multiple sets allowed.

4) Why wait until the New Year for this…? Christmas already passed, so here’s is the COMEDY BUREAU MISSION STATEMENT: The Comedy Bureau is, above all, committed to advancing the art form of Comedy in the Greater Los Angeles Metropolitan Area and beyond as well as enlightening the general population about the funniest and most creative Los Angeles based comedic performers.

5) The newest member of the Comedy Bureau: Field Agent Joe Braza (there’s absolutely no difference in responsibility between Liaison and Agent). Welcome. (cue mic toss)

6) Big Trouble in Little Tokyo Open Mic is BACK-ACK-ACK-ACK-ACK-ACK (6acks.tumblr.com) this Tuesday 12/28 with none other than TONY SAM and MATT KNUDSEN!!! I shouldn’t have to say anything else about $2 fish tacos, etc. Señor Fish. Sign-up 6:30PM/Starts 7PM.

7) The Comedy Bureau “Tips Its Hat” today to ESTHER POVITSKY-“@Little_Esther I hate it when my slave pulls the "I’m your mother” card.“ Doing shows with Esther BEFORE Joe Rogan "tested” her, so to speak, by taking her on the road, was always a delight. The incredibly petite Esther is deceptive in her comedy with a dry, more honest sense of humor. Here’s her blog and her Twitter, two things you shouldn’t miss.

8) From the “You Should Have Been There” Lagoon: Mitch Hedberg in That 70s Show

9) Donate to the Comedy Bureau, especially if you’re returning something that allows for actual cash and not just store credit. It’s still the time for the “holiday spirit”, right?

10) Now that Christmas has passed, we can go to the Martin Luther King Jr. Day “material”.

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THE COMEDY BUREAU

Morning Debriefing 12/26/10

5) The newest member of the Comedy Bureau: Field Agent Joe Braza (there’s absolutely no difference in responsibility between Liaison and Agent). Welcome. (cue mic toss)

8) From the “You Should Have Been There” Lagoon: Mitch Hedberg in That 70s Show

9) Donate to the Comedy Bureau, especially if you’re returning something that allows for actual cash and not just store credit. It’s still the time for the “holiday spirit”, right?

10) Now that Christmas has passed, we can go to the Martin Luther King Jr. Day “material”.

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THE COMEDY BUREAU

Morning Debriefing 12/25/10

1) Unlike Judy Carter suggests in one of her bestselling books, dinner with a table full of comedians is not incredibly depressing. It’s actually the antithesis of the stereotype/notion. In fact, two tables of LA comics on a Christmas Eve in Chinatown will turn into a spirited competition of who can order first, who is having more fun, and whether to trade members of each table for another. As comedian Ed Salazar said to comedian Eli Olsberg, “Our table will be blogged about.” For the record, Ed’s table was the better table. Yes, I was sitting at “that” table. Either way, some people think we, comedians, are a depressing bunch, which has a basis in truth, but that’s not all of who we are. As obsessive, impulsive, and condescending distorted caricatures of actual people as we may come off, all of it is all in the goal of going on lit stage and getting laughs in a darkened room full of strangers. So on this Christmas morning, or whenever you happen to be reading this, appreciate comedians, not only as ones that inspire laughter when you need it the most, but also as hard-working real people that strive diligently at their craft through much personal sacrifice. Perhaps, give them a hug, if they deserve it and if they’re OK with their personal space. HAPPY HOLIDAYS FROM THE COMEDY BUREAU/JAKE KROEGER TO ALL OF YOU IN THE LA COMEDY COMMUNITY AND JUST GOOD FOLKS THAT LIKE LAUGHING!!!

2) Just one more night without a COMEDY CRAWL as we all, in the LA comedy community, attempt to attain some sort of temporary normalcy.

3) OPEN MIC RUN: ARE YOU KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW? You WANT to do an open mic on Christmas Day? Try working on your material while opening gifts. Does that sound like a good idea? Of course, it doesn’t. That’s why you should just enjoy Christmas.

4) Yesterday, I wrote about James Adomian’s inspired performance that included a painfully hilarious story about opening for Joan Rivers. It’s definitely one of the better “road” stories I’ve heard and there’s actually visual proof of it RIGHT HERE.

5) Paul F. Tompkins was actually trending on Twitter both in Los Angeles and NYC last night.

All of this came about for his live tweeting during the Pope’s Midnight Mass, which, in thinking about it, IS the Christmas gift that Tompkins gives to us all. Follow @PFtompkins and read all tweets with #midnightmass2010.

6) The Comedy Bureau “Tips Its Hat” today to GOOD NEIGHBOR-“best videos contest 3” Making the thought of absurdity in of itself absurd, amazing sketch group Good Neighbor attacks your senses in the best, most enjoyable way possible at such a furious pace that it’s really unimaginable not to get a kick out of them. Featuring seasoned performers Nick Rutherford, Beck Bennett, Kyle Mooney, and non-performer/filmmaker Dave McCary, Good Neighbor is a treat to watch and should not be missed. Check their website or back at the Comedy Bureau for details on their next performance.

7) From the “You Should Have Been There” Lagoon: Blackadder’s Christmas Carol Part 1 of 5 [on Youtube] (My favorite Christmas Special of all time)

8) Donate. It’s Christmas. Even if you don’t celebrate, it’s a pretty convenient time to donate to the Comedy Bureau.

9) Many people thank me for my personal dedication to this blog and to all of them, I heartily say, “You’re quite welcome.”. To anyone who doubts this fact, I am writing this at 2:43AM Christmas Morning.

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THE COMEDY BUREAU

Morning Debriefing 12/24/10

1) On the Eve of Christmas Eve, on a night that most people are merely waiting for the rise of Christmas Morning, one, James Adomian, brought on one of the best LA stand up comedy performances of the year at the Josh and Josh Show. I write this without any hesitation at all even though I have seen an average of four hours of live stand up virtually every night for the last several months. Before Adomian went on tour for the last few months, I had seen him do versions of his act at least 10 times or to the point where I could write his set list out for him, but even in knowing what was coming, Adomian transcended all of my expectations with his superb impressions and uncanny awareness as a performer on stage. Last night, at Bar Lubitsch, Adomian got the audience, me included, to a point that’s so rare, not just in comedy, but in all art forms, where the audience member/viewer/reader/listener/etc. actually forgets that they are actually voluntarily consuming a performance or a piece. For me, as a comic, I especially enjoyed seeing Adomian deal with these two girls who were erupting in laughter, then found one joke somewhat to their distaste, then instantly get them back on his side. In fact, they were personally praising James for a good 15 minutes after the show. From his observations on gay villains, Sam Elliot advertising Kombucha, to his own “show-biz” story opening for Joan Rivers, Adomian made the term “tour-de-force” seem inadequate in this attempt to describe his performance. As highly respected comedienne/Comedy Bureau favorite Lizzy Cooperman said, “We all have just witnessed something [that we’re privileged to be a part of].” As James Adomian is back in LA for the time being, please check back at the Comedy Bureau for his next performance.

2) Tonight, there will be no COMEDY CRAWL as this time of year, I sincerely believe that is should be spent with your friends and family. Also, there’s really nothing else going on.

3) OPEN MIC RUN: "Yeah, I’m gonna go do an open mic on Christmas Eve. Gonna work on my five minutes for this Hollywood Showcase I’m gonna be in. It’s gonna be great. There’s going to be industry there, but, uhhh, do you want to go? I need to bring five people“-Person who wants to do an open mic on Christmas Eve/Escaped Mental Ward Patient. TO ALL YOU HARD WORKING COMICS OUT THERE, ENJOY YOURSELVES FOR A DAY OR TWO, WHY DON’T YOU?

4) Reggie Watts had a "Holidays” message for everyone on Conan last night, here it is, in case you missed it.

5) WHO HAS TWO THUMBS AND WANTS TO OPEN FOR PAULIE SHORE IN VEGAS? Anyone? If you are one of those people, Paulie Shore is holding an open online-submission contest to “warm-up” for his show “Vegas is My Oyster” in Vegas with the likes of Charlyne Yi, Bobby Lee, and himself at the Palms Casino. Contest ends Dec. 30th. More details and submissions here.

6) The Ultimate Free & Cheap LA Comedy List 12/26/10-1/1/10. Thanks Wisepix.

6) The Comedy Bureau “Tips Its Hat” today to ADAM SHENKMAN-“Looking for a Wife-FIRST DATE-Episode #5” Adam Shenkman has drawn several comparisons to Andy Kaufman and deservingly so with his absolute, unwavering commitment to whatever he is doing both on and off stage. He’ll be continuing his “Looking for a Wife” series TONIGHT 9PM for FREE in Palm Springs at the Ace Hotel as part of his “Heebonism Christmas Eve Comedy Night”. Though he’s an act not to be missed, Shenkman with all his wild, unexpected antics is an act that’s really hard to miss as he runs a comedy variety show for kids called “The Breakfast Show”. Check at Adam’s website or back at the Comedy Bureau for details on the next one.

7) From the “You Should Have Been There” Lagoon: Star Wars Holiday Special Part 1 (there are 14-other successive parts on Youtube)

8) Donate to the Comedy Bureau, especially if you had no idea that there was a Star Wars Holiday Special that George Lucas himself doesn’t even like admitting that he let happen.

9) Last night, a girl said the following to me in conversation: Are you funny? I’m not getting funny from you. I was not aware that there was a “funny” detector available to the general public. If anyone knows of one, in, perhaps, a secret section of Brookstone/Skymall, please e-mail thecomedybureau@gmail.com with details. Also, if anyone knows of a handheld particle cannon that can vaporize an entire person with one shot, that would be helpful too.

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THE COMEDY BUREAU

Morning Debriefing 12/24/10

2) Tonight, there will be no COMEDY CRAWL as this time of year, I sincerely believe that is should be spent with your friends and family. Also, there’s really nothing else going on.

4) Reggie Watts had a "Holidays” message for everyone on Conan last night, here it is, in case you missed it.

6) The Ultimate Free & Cheap LA Comedy List 12/26/10-1/1/10. Thanks Wisepix.

7) From the “You Should Have Been There” Lagoon: Star Wars Holiday Special Part 1 (there are 14-other successive parts on Youtube)

8) Donate to the Comedy Bureau, especially if you had no idea that there was a Star Wars Holiday Special that George Lucas himself doesn’t even like admitting that he let happen.

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THE COMEDY BUREAU

Morning Debriefing 11/27/10

1) I have to give credit once more to Shayne Michael and the energy he has put back into the iCandy open mic/K.A.S. Comedy Etc. Show. With being one of the longest running open mics in the LA area, iCandy/Coffee Haven has seen its share of highs and lows and with a new sound system and a revitalized format that keeps a good energy about the room (i.e. booked show, raffles, etc.), comics who go to iCandy can expect to actually work on their material, which is the purpose of an open mic.

2) What better way to get into the holiday spirit than going to a run of shows that include the words: milk, asssscat, boners, back room, and family. THUS, don’t miss tonight’s COMEDY CRAWL with Two Milk Minimum @ Flappers Burbank 12:30PM $10/2 item min., then Space Boners Gives Thanks! @ Silverlake Lounge 7PM FREE, then ASSSSCAT @ UCB Theatre 8PM $10 (stand by only), then The Back Room @ UCB Theatre 10PM $10, and finish with Ron Lynch and Craig Anton host a Tomorrow! Family Thanksgiving @ Steve Allen Theater MIDNIGHT $8.

3) OPEN MIC RUN: LAUNDROMIC 1054 Vine St. Los Angeles, CA/Starts 4PM, WESTSIDE COMEDY THEATRE 1323-A 3rd St (in alley between 3rd and 4th)/Sign-up (lottery) 6PM/Starts 6:30PM/3-5 min., SUNSET GRILL 7439 W. Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA/Starts 7PM, MARTY’S/THE OPEN MIC 7351 W. Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA (walk up Martel past Big Mama’s and Papa’s)/5PM to 11PM/$5 cover/multiple sets allowed.

4) As it was brought to my attention, even though I knew I needed to get around to it, the “Bureau Approved” page is updated again with a section for shows and open mics. Also, the “Calendars” page got updated with Comedy Store Line-ups and link directly to the Largo Calendar. I might be running out of ways to make this easier for you guys… I’m just sayin’.

5) The Comedy Bureau “Tips Its Hat” today to PAUL DANKE “@pauldanke every black friday, I get up early, go to best buy, and when the doors open. I rob the shit out of people’s cars. #IPODSFOREVERYONE” When not chilling back in his jean jacket, Paul Danke absolutely rips it on stage. According to several sources, Danke closed out the Holy Fuck! One Year Anniversary like a hero, which is certainly no surprise to the Comedy Bureau. Going up all around town as well as his own fantastic show The Comedy Garage (run with Cornell Reid and Sean Green), Paul has definitely earned his praise for his stand-up as well as doing featured blogging for FunnyorDie.com. You can witness Paul Danke tomorrow at French Toast @ Taix 8:30PM FREE or on his blog The Art of Coming Off Casual or his amazing Twitter.

6) From the “You Should Have Been There” Lagoon: Michael Keaton does Stand-up

7) Donate here. Live Tweeting here. Donate here. Live Tweeting here. (insert catchy jingle that’s so catchy you would actually do either or both of the two)

8) On the subject of handling hecklers: Why is there the type of heckler who interrupts your set and then applauds and congratulates you after you yell at him for 4 minutes ripping him to shreds as a person? There should be a new subcategory of psychological disorders in DSM IV that addresses this.

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THE COMEDY BUREAU

Morning Debriefing 11/26/10

1) Forget Black Friday-Jimmy Pardo’s “Pardcast-a-Thon” kicks off 6PM TONIGHT for 12 hours straight having all proceeds go to Smile Train benefiting extremely underprivileged children who need cleft palate surgery regain their smile as well as the ability to speak properly, eat, and lead a normal life (not that comedians really know what that’s like). There will be tons of big guests as well as Jimmy Pardo himself, so tune in for some laughs/charity here.

2) Seriously, forget Black Friday and all those relatives that you’re trying to buy cheap gifts to keep up appearances. Instead go on a COMEDY CRAWL that’s not even that long with Lettuce Entertain You (w/Stand Up) @ UCB Theatre 8PM $10, Hot Toddy @ iO West 9:30PM (Del Close)/11:30PM (Main Stage) $5.

3) OPEN MIC RUN: UCB THEATRE 5919 Franklin Ave., Hollywood, CA/Sign-up (lottery) 6PM/Starts 6:30PM/10 spots available, iCANDY 1708 E. Broadway, Long Beach, CA/Sign-up 6PM/Starts 7PM/$3 min., SILVERLAKE LOUNGE 2906 W. Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA/Sign-up (lottery) 6:30PM/Starts 7PM MARTY’S 7351 W. Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA (walk up Martel past Big Mama’s and Papa’s)/5PM to 11PM/$5/multiple sets allowed

4) The Ultimate Free and Cheap LA Comedy List 11/28-12/4. Yeah, it’s real. Thanks Wisepix.

5) Brendon Walsh was on Conan last night. I missed it because I have lost all concept of time and don’t have a DVR. Fortunately TeamCoco.com are good people and have his set right here.

6) The Comedy Bureau “Tips Its Hat” today to JERRY BRANDT-@HateJerryBrandt- Awkward Thanksgiving phone conversation with my Dad is done…we can now go back to ignoring each other until Christmas. Over the last year, Jerry Brandt has made his indelible/bitter/funny mark on the “Long Beach Comedy Scene” as well as the rest of LA with his monthly show, “The Happy Tiki Comedy Show @ The Puka Bar” and his weekly podcast “Drinking Buddies” with awesome co-host Chris Adams recorded at CSULB. Though his twitter handle is @HateJerryBrandt, he certainly only wants to hate himself in the most self-deprecating, hilarious way possible. Upcoming Shows include: Big Trouble in Little Tokyo @ Señor Fish 11/30 8PM FREE and Ultimate Laff Down @ Khoury’s 11/2 8:30PM/$7/$10 food-drink min. Be sure to check out his Website and Twitter.

7) From the “You Should Have Been There” Lagoon: Lenny Bruce-All Alone.

8) The Comedy Bureau is a single man (in every sense of the term) and LIVE TWEETS as an entire agency HERE.

9) You’re saving SOOOOO much money today so you can donate to the Comedy Bureau, right? Please prove this statement true here.

10) Literally, driving home last night, the freeway was already clogged with traffic for Black Friday. I will, for the first time, feel like I’m having a better time than “real people” at an open mic.

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THE COMEDY BUREAU

Morning Debriefing 11/25/10

1) I know you guys need to get to your friends, families, and some damn fine turkey, so I’ll keep this short… well, all of that depends on whether you enjoy reading this blog or not, which, in the case of the “Comedy Blog Reader Masochist”, prompts me to ask, “Why do you exist?”. HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYBODY!!!

2) I almost don’t want to call it a COMEDY CRAWL for tonight, but for the sake of branding, I’ll stick with it. Tonight’s Comedy Crawl consists of, meaning this is the only shows going on that I know about, 16 Headlining Comics @ The Original Room of the Comedy Store 9PM $15/2 drink min. AND Free Thanksgiving Dinner @ The Hollywood Laugh Factory 1PM/3PM/5PM/7PM FREE (though I think the actual show might have $20 cover according to site). That’s it.

3) NO OPEN MIC RUN FOR TODAY: I don’t even hate myself that much to do an open mic on Thanksgiving and a third of my material is on suicide.

4) The mutli-talented Charlyne Yi finally has The Old Lumps’ (her fantastic band) album “Getting Intimate with the Old Lumps” online. Yeah, you’ve seen her in Paper Heart or at her own one-of-a-kind show at the UCB Theatre, but check out her musical side, which is like all her artistic “sides”: a nostalgically rollicking good time that reminds you of the childhood that you might never had, but wish you did. Check “Getting Intimate with the Old Lumps" here.

5) Jimmy Pardo is definitely kicking off the Holiday Season right with his ”Pardcast-a-Thon“ going from 6PM tomorrow for 12 hours straight having all proceeds go to Smile Train benefiting extremely underprivileged children who need cleft palate surgery regain their smile as well as the ability to speak properly, eat, and lead a normal life (not that comedians really know what that’s like). There will be tons of big guests as well as Jimmy Pardo himself, so tune in for some laughs/charity here.

6) As it premiered yesterday, the ”Bureau Approved“ section of this blog serves as a convenient resource for the best of the best podcasts, webseries, sketches, blog posts, clips, performances, etc. of LA Comedy so you don’t have to search through any of these reports to do so. With that in mind, I’ll start tomorrow to feature items from the ”Bureau Approved“ that I did not have the privilege to witness the inception of in a new feature I’m going to call ”From the Depths of ‘You Should Have Been There’ Lagoon“ or for you initialism-inclined FDYSHBTL. Hopefully, with this, we’ll never forget… (what’s funny that is)

7) The Comedy Bureau "Tips Its Hat” today to KYLE KINANE-“@kylekinane Where can I get some giant bows for all these Lexuses I’m giving out for Christmas? I’ll look like a real asshole if I don’t wrap them.” Having already been to the Just For Laughs Comedy Fest in Montreal this year and opening for Patton Oswalt, Kyle’s been hitting the road taking his ingenious and hilarious musings on life as a “simple creature” from here in LA all the way to Winnipeg as everyone is finally starting to appreciate how damn funny he is. You can see Kyle next week at Comedy Death Ray @ The UCB Theatre Tues. Nov. 30th 8:30PM $5 or at Battleship Pretension @ Meltdown Comics Sat. Dec. 4th $5 or on Comedy Central because, yeah, he has a ‘Comedy Central Presents’ special too. Here’s his blog, “Shooting for Third”, and a link to his Twitter here.

8) For “Tip of the Hat”, I literally comb through everyone I follow on twitter, facebook, and tumblr, making it quite a tedious process. However, if you’d like to make it a little easier on me/draw my attention for “Tip of the Hat” consideration, e-mail thecomedybureau@gmail.com with ’for your consideration tip of the hat’ in the subject line.

9) OK, I know this is running a little long, so I’ll cut it short here. I/The Comedy Bureau LIVE TWEETS here, so, for that reason and many others, you should donate to The Comedy Bureau/me here.

10) THIS IS OFFICIALLY A MONTH THAT I’VE BEEN BLOGGING EVERY SINGLE DAY and I haven’t been to therapy yet (on top of doing stand up every night/trying to make money freelancing during the increasingly small time I have day). There should be an award for this.

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Morning Debriefing 11/24/10

1) A GREAT BIG THANK YOU to everyone who caused some GREAT BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE TOKYO!!! Let’s do it again sometime… MEANING next Tuesday at the same time and in the same place. (hint: Sign-up 6:30PM. Starts 7PM. @ Señor Fish, 422 E. 1st St. in Little Tokyo/next to downtown OR 1st & Alameda) Also, better directions for free parking!

2) Give thanks that you don’t have to find all these great shows for tonight’s COMEDY CRAWL. Go to Nobody Likes Onions @ The Hollywood Improv 8PM $14/2 item min., Come Out Laughing @ The Long Beach Laugh Factory 8PM $12/2 drink min., Meltdown @ Meltdown Comics 8:30PM $8, Beer in the Shower: Pilgrims & Indians-Potluck/Stand-up @ Whitehorse Cocktail Lounge Inn 9PM FREE, Comedy Juice @ The Hollywood Improv (yeah, I’d actually go to this one).

3) OPEN MIC RUN: HOLLYWOOD STUDIO BAR & GRILL 6122 W. Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA Sign-up 5:30PM/Starts 6PM, LIBRARY A COFFEE HOUSE 3418 E. Broadway, Long Beach, CA Sign-up 8PM/Starts 8:30PM, CAFE ON 2ND 7 S. 2nd St., Alhambra, CA/Sign-up 7PM/Starts 7:30PM, MARTY’S/THE OPEN MIC 7351 W. Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA (walk up Martel past Big Mama’s and Big Papa’s)/$5/multiple sets allowed.

4) Like I always have promised, I bring you the best in LA Comedy and now I’m making it even easier to find it on this blog. The Comedy Bureau now introduces “Bureau Approved”, which everything that pasts the rigorous test (i.e. whether I like it or not) of the Comedy Bureau Comedy Standards and features anything from podcasts to webseries to blog posts to clips of people being on the tube. Check it out here.

5) The Comedy Bureau “Tips Its Hat” today to JAMIE LEE-@thejamielee Tofurkey? Tofuck yourself. Having already been on Last Comic Standing this year, Jamie has been a real gift to LA Comedy this year during her stay in LA (OK, she’s a NYC comic, but, for now is calling LA her home). Currently, she brings her sharp, witty, and charming comedy to homes around America writing for “Ridiculousness” on MTV and can be seen LIVE on “Crash Test” @ The UCB Theatre 11PM Mon. Nov. 29th and the “Conan Showcase” @ The Hollywood Improv 10PM Tues. Nov. 30th. Here’s her website and her twitter for all the Jamie Lee you can possibly handle… and then some.

6) The Comedy Bureau adds yet another rank to its Chain of Command: Head of Karma Police Russell Corona (don’t worry he can’t actually do anything to anyone). Welcome to the Comedy Bureau, Russell.

7) If you have any suggestions, comments, remarks, just want to say Hi to make sure that I’m still doing OK, etc. for the Comedy Bureau, there is an e-mail that you can send them to at thecomedybureau@gmail.com. So simple that you almost don’t have a reason not to do it.

7) Does the Salvation Army do anything for LA Comedy? I don’t THINK SO! Donate to the Comedy Bureau here.

8) If you’ve ever wondered what a comic thinks while going from open mics to shows to coffee shops and bars to various streets to get/write material, follow the Comedy Bureau on Twitter here. I’m pretty sure a small minority only wonders that, but please “humor” me and do it.

9) Tomorrow will be the ONE MONTH mark that the Comedy Bureau has been officially running. I know it’s not “that” impressive, but I just want to thank everyone for has been following this blog/loving read it/supporting the Comedy Bureau/etc. and point out that, ironically, tomorrow has only one or two comedy events to write about. Thanks again everyone, comics and real people alike!!!

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Post Brunch Update 11/23/10

1) Just like “Depression-a-palooza”, “Can You Tell If I’m Kidding? Comedy Show” @ The Edge of the Roof of a 13 Story Parking Garage was also a notable failure. None of that matters though as BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE TOKYO is TONIGHT! Well, as much trouble as comedy, japanese snack foods, $2 fish tacos, $3 domestic/$4 imported beer, and Russell Corona and I can cause… Sign-up 6:30PM. Starts 7PM. Señor Fish, 422 E. 1st St. in Little Tokyo (near downtown).

2) Tonight’s COMEDY CRAWL is not only a big one with some KICKASS shows, but it’s also incredibly easy on the wallet (i.e. you won’t have to eat at Taco Bell tonight). Don’t believe me? try Sweet and Sour Comedy @ Genghis Cohen 7PM $5/Free for comics, then Comedy Death Ray @ UCB Theatre 8:30PM $5 (stand-by only), then Amuse and Abuse @ Esquire Bar & Lounge 8:30PM FREE, HOLY FUCK! ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY @ Downtown Independent Theater 9PM FREE, Liquid Courage @ Hollywood Improv 10PM $14/2 item min, then finally WitStream LIVE @ UCB Theatre 11PM $5, and go eat a steak because you can afford it (unless you’re really poor like me and buy food with change).

3) OPEN MIC RUN: BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE TOKYO @ SEÑOR FISH 422 E. 1st St. in Little Tokyo (near downtown)/Sign-up 6:30PM/Starts 7PM, COFFEE GALLERY 2029 Lake Ave., Altadena, CA/8PM, WESTWOOD BREWCO 1097 Glendon Ave., Westwood, CA/Sign-up (lottery) 7:30PM/Starts 8PM, MARTY’S/THE OPEN MIC 7351 W. Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA (walk up Martel past Big Mama’s and Papa’s)/5PM to 11PM/$5/multiple sets allowed

4) The submissions for Tig Notaro’s Untitled Comedy Tour HAVE BEEN EXTENDED. Post a two minute video of why your “living arrangement” is worthy of Tig Notaro and her friends here and you might have a damn fine LIVE comedy show exactly where you live.

5) As I mentioned, Schtick or Treat was one of the best times I had at comedy show, especially since I got to the privilege to perform. If you missed this amazing once-a-year comedy extravaganza, check out all the highlights right here.

6) The Comedy Bureau “Tips Its Hat” today to Andrew Dewitt. Andrew posted a video of him opening an “Assassin’s Creed Brotherhood: Collector’s Edition Box Set” alone in a basement on his birthday… IN 3 PARTS. It’s pretty damn fantastic, check it here. Andrew came up through the stand up comedy ranks in Chicago and now made his way here in Los Angeles performing all around town. Check out his awesome blog Dorksplosion here.

7) As people constantly ask me, “How do I get ‘Tip of the Hat’ from the Comedy Bureau?” I’ll let you know exactly how I run this fancy little operation. Everyday, I check Twitter, Facebook, and Tumblr for tweets, status updates, videos, blog quotes, etc. for the best little gems in comedy in LA. Going from Midnight to Midnight in a single day, I make a short list and then, from there, determine who gets the “Tip of the Hat” and is featured here at the Comedy Bureau along with their twitter, website, blog, etc. So, if you want a “Tip of the Hat”, get to tweeting, facebooking, blogging, youtubing, etc. because I’ll be on the lookout (as I slowly realize that I have less and less of a life). Also, any “Tips of the Hat” will be permanently placed in the “Tip of the Hat Archive” which I just created right here.

8) I know you guys love the blog as much as I love writing it, so give me the opportunity to MAKE IT EVEN BETTER by donating here.

9) Back to LIVE TWEETING and actually going out. Check out if my new “Social Network” material works out here.

10) The Comedy Bureau stats: 92 people like it on Facebook, 49 followers on Twitter, and 30 followers on Tumblr. Only 499,999,829 people to take down Facebook, or at least I think so.

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Morning Debriefing 11/22/10

1) Depression-a-palooza @ my own head, basically, is something you never want to go to. Last night was the first time I didn’t go out in several months and let’s just hope this doesn’t happen too frequently, mostly because drinking alone is never a pleasant experience (i.e. I tweeted, “Apparently, I’m the star of Home Alone 7: It’s Your Own Fault Because You Won’t Try Online Dating. #straighttovideo #diealone #samething).

2) COMEDY CRAWL Cartoon Dump @ Steve Allen Theater 8PM $10, Tig Notaro’s Untitled Comedy Tour @ Largo 8PM $20, Dame Funny @ Jon Lovitz Comedy Club 8PM $20/2 drink min., What’s Up Tiger Lily? @ Hollywood Studio Bar & Grill 8:30PM FREE, Melgard Mondays @ Melgard Public House 9PM FREE, Keep It Clean @ 1739 Public House 10PM FREE

3) OPEN MIC RUN: CLUB 705 705 Pier Ave., Hermosa Beach, CA/7PMish, CASEY’S 613 S. Grand Ave., Los Angeles, CA (downtown)/Sign-up (lottery) 7PM/Starts 8PM, TRIBAL CAFE 1651 W. Temple St., Los Angeles, CA (echo park)/8:15PM, GROUND ZERO USC 615 Childs Way, Los Angeles, CA (on eastern most side of USC campus/in between dormitories)/USC student sign-up 9PM/non-USC student sign-up 9:15PM/Starts 9:30PM, MARTY’S/THE OPEN MIC 7351 W. Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA (walk up Martel past Big Mama’s and Papa’s)/5PM to 11PM/$5/multiple sets allowed.

4) Tig Notaro’s Untitled Comedy Tour is taking submissions to come to your house/apartment/living space. Just make a 2 minute video and post it on facebook here to have a chance to have Tig Notaro and her friends have a friggin’ comedy show in your backyard/living room/where you don’t sleep in your living space.

5) Big Trouble in Little Tokyo Open Mic is tomorrow night. Last week I gave away cheeseburger shaped cookies and a 15-min. drop in spot. WHO KNOW WANTS GOING TO HAPPEN THIS WEEK?!?!? Show up and find out. Sign-up 6:30PM. Starts 7PM @ Señor Fish, 422 E. 1st St. in Little Tokyo.

6) The Comedy Bureau "Tips Its Hat” today to ANDRÉS DU BOUCHET for this amazing two-part tweet: “@dubouchet Having accomplished every goal I’ve set for myself (Andres points to blank sheet of paper), I now intend to relax for 30-40 years. I pointed to the wrong paper in that last tweet. HERE’S my list of goals! (pointing to napkin on which I’ve written "HI ANDRES!” in ketchup).“ Andrés currently and deservedly writes for Conan here in LA. Here’s his site/blog here and then you can follow him on Twitter here. DO IT NOW!!!

7) Coming soon to the Comedy Bureau: "Tip of the Hat” Archive and everything and anything that’s “Bureau Approved” featuring everything that’s already been featured so all of you fine folks can find it quite easily instead of digging through all of these posts like I do.

8) I wouldn’t be asking for a donation if I wasn’t currently writing this blog on my bed. Please donate to the Comedy Bureau so we can change this (mostly for a bigger bed).

9) Planning to watch Social Network today, then write 5 minutes on it. Instead of being on the cutting edge with the latest news, I like being “dollar theater” topical, though I may need to start a show at a dollar theater for it to work.

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Morning Debriefing 11/18/10

1) Due to legal reasons, there will be something written here in March 2011.

2) If you were able to make it to the 11 shows I posted yesterday, this should be a breeze, that is, if you killed you’re doppelganger clones. Tonight’s COMEDY CRAWL: The Super Serious Show @ Smashbox Studios 7PM $15/Free Beer, then Jimmy Dore and Friends @ Flappers Burbank 8PM $12/2 drink min., then The Josh and Josh Show @ Bar Lubitsch 8PM FREE, then Comedy Speakeasy @ TSR Lounge 8PM (call 323-568-1616 for details/to be in audience), then Comedy90210 @ Roxbury Cafe (459 N. Roxbury Dr., Beverly Hills, CA) 8PM $5, then The Joe Braza Comedy Invitational Finals @ The Seafood Shack 8:30PM FREE, then The Charlyne Yi Show (she was on Conan last week and I didn’t post it like I should have right here) @ UCB Theatre 9:30PM $5, then WTF? w/Greg Berman @ Flappers Burbank 10PM $12/2 drink min.

3) OPEN MIC RUN: SANDWICH SPOT 3101 Ocean Park Ave., Santa Monica, CA 7PM, HOLLYWOOD HOTEL 1760 N. Vermont Ave., Los Angeles, CA/7PM, CAFE ON 2ND 7 S. 2nd St., Alhambra, CA/Sign-up 7PM/Starts 7:30PM/$3 cover/10 min., SIPOLOGY 448 E. Broadway, Long Beach, CA/Sign-up 7PM/Starts 8PM/Must work clean and no material about religion or politics, TKO SHOW @ 212 CAFE 212 Pier Ave., Venice, CA 9PM, MARTY’S/THE OPEN MIC 7351 W. Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA (walk up Martel past Big Mama’s and Papa’s)/5PM to 11PM/$5 cover/multiple sets allowed.

4) The Comedy Bureau “Tips its Hat” to Aparna Nancherla today. @aparnapkin “found out that the sound of one hand clapping is me patting myself on the back. #selfcongratulatoryphilosophy” Follow her “musings and amusings” on Twitter here or her blog here.

5) Though Reggie Watts is mainly NYC performer, he’s in town for the week as shown here on Conan. His show at Largo is sold out tonight, but there is a large segment of the LA population that tends to flake out, so show up and maybe you’ll have a chance.

6) The Comedy Bureau would like to welcome a new member in its Chain of Command: Field Liaison Jeremy Paul. Let the title take you wherever you want it to, but Jeremy would like you to know that his dick stays hard and HE JUST DON’T GIVE A SHIT. Once more, welcome to The Comedy Bureau, Jeremy Paul.

7) The Comedy Bureau is out and about in the best and worst of Los Angeles and the Greater LA Metropolitan Area to tell you good decent folk where to go and where to never ever even dream about going in LA Comedy. Find out what’s going on via LIVE TWEETING here.

8) Basically, if you’re not bent on world destruction or don’t think that Dane Cook is what smart comedy sounds like, you should donate to The Comedy Bureau, so we can make those two things never ever happen. Accomplish this right here.

9) Again, due to legal reasons, there will be something written here in March, perhaps a few weeks earlier for reasons I’m also legally not allowed to discuss.

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Morning Debriefing 11/15/10

1) There is no such thing as the Library Cafe Open Mic in Los Angeles. (Sidenote: there is a great open mic on Wed. at Library: A Coffee House in Long Beach) This town is so disconnected, so uninformed within itself, and most importantly bad at promoting available stage time. Talking to the owner of Library Cafe in LA, she explained that only the same few people kept coming and it wasn’t that great. That is the result one gets when those “few people” keep an open mic secret, which can be understandable on their end, but this is what you should expect when you only tell a few friends to come on by. Again, LA is so decentralized and unaware that if you want people to come, you have to tell EVERYONE, even if it is free stage time. However, the Comedy Bureau will try to spread the word about new rooms/rooms no one’s ever heard of/rooms in Alhambra, etc. that most people won’t want to drive to.

2) Tonight’s COMEDY CRAWL is almost physically possible. I’m sure this isn’t a stat anybody really cares about, but let’s see how much “Comedy Stamina” you really have. Start off with a heavy laughs at What’s Up Tiger Lily? @ Hollywood Studio Bar and Grill 8PM FREE, then a few more big chuckles at Lower Crust Comedy @ Genghis Cohen 9PM $5, then a few more laughs and some smiles at Eli Braden @ Cherry Pit 9PM 749 W. Katella Ave., Orange, CA, and then finish off with mad dash of guffaws at Keep It Clean Comedy @ 1739 Public House 10PM FREE.

3) OPEN MIC RUN: CLUB 705/705 Pier Ave., Hermosa Beach, CA/7ishPM/10 min. stage time at least, PUKA BAR/710 W. Willow St., Long Beach, CA/8PM, CASEY’S/613 S. Main St., Los Angeles, CA (downtown)/Sign-up (lottery) 8PM/Starts 8:30PM, TRIBAL CAFE/1651 W. Temple St., Los Angeles, CA (echo park)/8PM, GROUND ZERO CAFE/615 Childs Way, Los Angeles, CA (USC)/USC student Sign-up 9PM/Non Student Sign-up 9:15PM/Starts 9:30PM, MARTY’S/THE OPEN MIC 7351 W. Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA (walk up Martel past Big Mama’s and Papa’s)/5PM to 11PM/$5 Cover/Free coffee & water.

4) The Comedy Bureau tips its hat to none other than Jeremy Paul for sharing this gem "My HMO does not cover titty glitter.“ He keeps saying he is going to die, but he’s going to be funny while doing it. Also, he wants to have his comedy special taped at the Alamo. Follow all of his hopes, dreams, and nightmares here.

5) Big Trouble in Little Tokyo 2nd Edition @ Señor Fish is TOMORROW! Comedy, $2 fish tacos, raffles, $3 domestic/$4 imported beers, three mics/three mic stands, and a whole lot more fun surprises. 422 E. 1st St., Los Angeles (in, you guessed it, Little Tokyo) Sign up 6:30PM, Starts 7PM. Do not miss.

6) Well, well, well… if you were wondering A) who writes this blog? B) Where can I see this person perform? C) I know who writes this blog, but when is he ever actually doing a show? D) Why does this person do this to himself? I have all the answers TONIGHT. Go to Keep It Clean @ 1739 Public House (1739 N. Vermont Ave. in Los Feliz) 10PM FREE. (yeah… that means I’m doing the show, so please come, and also get your answers to any of those questions that I’m sure all of you had)

7) As I’ll be performing and acting as the Comedy Bureau simultaneously, I’ll be trying to simultaneously live tweet at with my own personal account here, which only few people follow because it’s most like suicide jokes, and the actual Comedy Bureau account, which people actually like here. Follow both and see what happens.

8) Donate because I’d like to say, "This shit ain’t free, ya know?!?” but unfortunately can’t, because it is…. Please donate and I’ll write something better next time.

9) I’d like to believe that comedy is largely derived from finding the fallacy in what’s accepted, especially since I do stand up comedy and no one ever told me I was funny while growing up.

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