ground zero usc – The Comedy Bureau

Morning Debriefing 12/28/10

1) As promised, here’s a very efficient breakdown of the POUND FOR POUND OPEN MICS for during the work week (going up on the weekends can be really tough and i’ll have a corollary to this list tomorrow) Selection of the following open mics is based on first-hand experience with the open mic on several occasions, the room’s overall inclination for performers to want to do material, having a chance of performing in front of a “real” audience", and then not dabble with the thought of quitting or committing suicide after. Check back at the Comedy Bureau daily for details of when and exactly where these open mics take place.
Monday: Tribal Cafe/Ground Zero USC-Tribal Cafe offers a great amount of stage time, Echo Park locals/hipsters actually sit in and listen, and no minimum. If you can obtain a USC student ID, Ground Zero is one of the best open mics as you could literally be performing for over 100 people.
Tuesday: Big Trouble in Little Tokyo @ Señor Fish-“Better than a comedy club in the OC”-Robert Blair (real person who sat through all 3 hours of the open mic)
Wednesday: Library A Coffee House-real people actually come back to listen to comedy, decent stage time
Thursday: Cafe on 2nd/Sandwich Spot-Cafe on 2nd has almost no comics and though there’s a $3 cover, you guaranteed 10 min. Sandwich Spot just has a great energy about it much in part to host Dan Reutter as well as getting a good amount of stage time.
Friday: iCandy/Trinity Church Open Mic-iCandy has a great energy about as new host/producer Shayne Michael has revitalized the open mic like a show. Trinity Church Open Mic is a great setting for working out material, though you have to be squeaky clean, as everyone there came to see the performers, intently listens, and wants to laugh. Also, there’s delicious food for a suggested donation.

2) We’re in that purgatory week, merely waiting for the end of the year/next time we can get unabashedly trashed while suffering little consequence because the mere changing of calendars apparently means you’re absolved of wrong doings. Start along that path on tonight’s COMEDY CRAWL with Pop & Politics w/Jimmy Dore @ UCB Theatre 8PM $5, then Alonzo Bodden @ Comedy and Magic Club 8PM $15/2 drink min., and finish with Incubator @ UCB Theatre 10PM $5.

3) OPEN MIC RUN: BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE TOKYO @ SEÑOR FISH 422 E. 1st St., Los Angeles, CA (Little Tokyo/near downtown)/Sign-up 6:30PM/Starts 7PM, BACK HOME IN LAHAINA (call 310 835 4014 before going) 519 E. Carson St. #A, Carson, CA/Sign-up 6PM/Starts 7PM, COFFEE GALLERY (call 626 398 7917 before going) 2029 Lake Ave., Altadena, CA/Starts 8PM, MARTY’S/THE OPEN MIC 7351 W. Sunset Blvd. (walk up Martel past Big Mama’s and Papa’s), Hollywood, CA/5PM to 11PM/$5/multiple sets allowed

4) The entire Comedy Bureau staff would like to extend its congratulations to Louis CK, his show Louie, sketch group Birds of Prey, The Morning After Podcast, Rob Delaney, and Garfunkel and Oates for winning their respective categories in Punchline Magazine’s Punchlist 2010. Check out details here.

5) Asterios Kokkinos ADDED 2 MORE TUMBLRS to his Family of Tumblrs (there’s 7 of them rascals now), one of which is actually dedicated to keeping you abreast of the details on all of the other “family members”. Check out Asterios’ Facebook Wars and all encompassing Asterios Kokkinos Family of Tumblrs. If you follow all 7, Asterios will make a personal photo badge of you to commemorate your dedication to his comedy. Like, Scott Bowser…

6) On Dec. 15th, The Nerdist Podcast took over the regular scheduled awesome weekly show Meltdown at Meltdown Comics and presented COMEDIANS YOU SHOULD KNOW. We here at the Comedy Bureau tend to agree with the Nerdist on that notion as it includes Matt Braunger, Kumail Nanjiani, Paul Cibis, Jonah Ray, Kyle Kinane, Jackie Kashian, and Chris Fairbanks. Here is a live recording of the events as they happened.

7) It’s been mentioned several times already, but BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE TOKYO OPEN MIC is happening tonight!!! Sign-up 6:30PM/Starts 7PM/raffles/yelling at Russell/Tony Sam/Russell yelling back at Jake/Matt Knudsen/$2 fish tacos. ALL AT SEÑOR FISH. Don’t miss out.

7) The Comedy Bureau “Tips Its Hat” today to JAKE WEISMAN wrote on Facebook yesterday “SOMETIMES I PLAY A GAME WHERE I IMITATE A MEOW AS BEST I CAN AND THEN MY CATS COME SNIFF ME BECAUSE THEY SENSE I AM IN TROUBLE BECAUSE THEY ARE NATURAL CARETAKERS AND YEAH I’VE GOT IT TOGETHER THIS HOLIDAY SEASON EVERYBODY.” As half the podcasting juggernaut that is The Morning After Podcast (Punchlist 2010’s Best New Podcast), Jake goes to any and all mics around town to talk about cats, porn, and more cats. He’s pretty damn funny about it too. Don’t miss out on The Morning After Podcast, Jake’s Twitter, and check back at the Comedy Bureau for details on his next show.

8) From the “You Should Have Been There” Lagoon: Emo Phillips-Edinburgh Comedy Fest 2010

9) Donate to the Comedy Bureau because the world will end in four days. Did no one tell you it’s already 2011 going on 2012?

10) Recently, a comic was surprised he was performing for comics at an open mic after Christmas. I am going to send this to Webster’s Dictionary as one of the examples for the definition of “irony”.

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Morning Debriefing 12/28/10

3) OPEN MIC RUN: BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE TOKYO @ SEÑOR FISH 422 E. 1st St., Los Angeles, CA (Little Tokyo/near downtown)/Sign-up 6:30PM/Starts 7PM, BACK HOME IN LAHAINA (call 310 835 4014 before going) 519 E. Carson St. #A, Carson, CA/Sign-up 6PM/Starts 7PM, COFFEE GALLERY (call 626 398 7917 before going) 2029 Lake Ave., Altadena, CA/Starts 8PM, WESTWOOD BREWCO (call 310 824-0820 before going) 1097 Glendon Ave., Westwood, CA/Sign-up (lottery) 7:30PM/Starts 8PM, MARTY’S/THE OPEN MIC 7351 W. Sunset Blvd. (walk up Martel past Big Mama’s and Papa’s), Hollywood, CA/5PM to 11PM/$5/multiple sets allowed

8) From the “You Should Have Been There” Lagoon: Emo Phillips-Edinburgh Comedy Fest 2010

9) Donate to the Comedy Bureau because the world will end in four days. Did no one tell you it’s already 2011 going on 2012?

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Post Brunch Update 11/30/10

1) The Ground Zero Performance Cafe Open Mic @ USC gives comics a great chance to perform in front of real college students, though, as with all open mics, without its shortcomings. In a quite dazzling venue that can seat more than 100 (as I have witnessed on occasion for the open mic) with professionally lit stage bigger than the Improv, it would seem that the Ground Zero would be a dream setting to work out material in a free 7 minute spot. However, there are a few trade-offs. This is the only open mic in ALL of the greater Los Angeles metropolitan area that does not have a host, which keeps the audience “cold” between performers (no one brings up the next act), not to mention that a voice in the dark asks for your name when you’re supposed to go up. Also, as this open mic is at USC, the show is biased towards student as there is a USC student sign-up 15 minutes before the Non-student sign-up, which can make it, on really busy nights, very hard to get on the list. Still, if you do manage to get on the list, its one of the closest things to performing in front of real people in a somewhat realistic setting and I would highly recommend it. Ground Zero USC is located, almost hidden, on the USC campus in between three dormitories (Marks Tower, Trojan Residence, and Marks Hall) next to Figueroa St., just a block north of Exposition Blvd (e-mail thecomedybureau@gmail.com if you need further assistance) will be on hiatus until Jan. 10 and then resume taking place every Monday w/USC student sign-up at 9PM/non-USC student sign-up 9:15PM/starting at 9:30PM.

2) The Lakers, though they will be on several TV’s this evening, are not in town tonight, so go out on a COMEDY CRAWL because comedy doesn’t call “techs” that ruin the game. Start off with Gravity Works w/Sarah Hyland @ Dragonfly 7:30PM $15, then Hamclown! @ The Mezz in the Alexandria Hotel (2nd Floor) 8:30PM FREE, Comedy Death Ray @ UCB Theatre 8:30PM $5 (stand by only), then Conan Showcase @ Hollywood Improv 10PM $14/2 item min.-$2.50/2 item min w/code: coshow/This show is sold out, but people do flake in LA…, then finish off the fastbreak with The Walsh Brothers Show @ UCB Theatre 11PM $5.

3) OPEN MIC RUN: BACK HOME IN LAHAINA 519 Carson St. #A, Carson, CA/Sign-up 6PM/Starts 7PM, BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE TOKYO @ SEÑOR FISH 422 E. 1st St., Los Angeles, CA (Little Tokyo/near Downtown)/Sign-up 6:30PM/Starts 7PM, WESTWOOD BREWCO 1097 Glendon Ave., Westwood, CA/Sign-up (lottery) 7:30PM/Starts 8PM, COFFEE GALLERY 2029 Lake Ave., Altadena, CA/Starts 8PM, MARTY’S/THE OPEN MIC 7351 W. Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA (walk up Martel past Big Mama’s and Papa’s)/5PM to 11PM/$5 cover/multiple sets allowed

4) Comedy Death Ray, or what some people refer to as “the people in LA that don’t suck”, just dropped “XMAS CD 2010”, a musical Christmas delight featuring people that can sing, that can’t sing, and people that can sing and choose to, for effect, sing poorly, but are all pretty damn funny, including: Garfunkel and Oates, Paul F. Tompkins, Jimmy Pardo, James Adomian and many more! Check it out/buy it/order it here. Also, check out the hilarious accompanying music video We Are the World 25.75 w/Kurt Russell.

5) I know you just read it up above, but the BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE TOKYO OPEN MIC is causing a little bit of mayhem tonight with, as I also have mentioned several times before, SPECIAL GUEST RYAN STOUT/JERRY BRANDT/$2 FISH TACOS. More etails above and at the link, so be there or be square… or really any number of equilateral polygons as there are all pretty boring.

6) Coming soon to the Comedy Bureau (yeah, there’s still more stuff coming because I love guys and comedy all that much): updated Comedy Maps with routes of active shows and recommended open mics, UPDATED DAILY!

7) The Comedy Bureau “Tip Its Hat” today to BARRY ROTHBART- “@barryrothbart Leslie Nielsen died doing what he loved most, being remembered for only the 1% of his career that involved word puns.” When not filming national televised commercials for Honda, Barry Rothbart makes his way throughout several “big” rooms in LA with ease, just like he does with absolutely hysterical anecdotes about his life ranging from filming in a nudist colony to trying to clumsily pick up ladies in the street. Transplanted from the East Coast, the Comedy Bureau is damn sure glad he’s over here now. Check out Barry’s blog, website, and twitter.

8) From the “You Should Have Been There” Lagoon-Reggie Watts-Fuck Shit Stack

9) “Quite the LIVE TWEETING extravaganza happened last night at an open mic as you can read here AND if you enjoyed it or any of the awesome features that this site has to offer, you can donate here.”-Ghost of Christmas “You Should Probably Donate to the Comedy Bureau”

10) A person asked me last night if I was going to break out the “holiday” material. As a large chunk of my material deals with horribly awkward social interactions with my family, I told her my “holiday” material is a pretty much the same as my “normal” material, which, incidentally, is how much I care about being topical.

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Morning Debriefing 11/29/10

1) RIP Leslie Nielsen-Without Surf Ninjas, I don’t think I would have had a childhood.

2) You want a ‘Recession Special Sale’? Do you want a ‘Holiday Special Sale’? Well, forget both of those because probably the cheapest/best COMEDY CRAWL I’ve ever posted. So start saving with What’s Up Tiger Lily? @ Hollywood Studio Bar & Grill 8PM FREE, then Comedy Show @ The Cherry Pit 9PM FREE, then Keep It Clean @ 1739 Public House FREE, and feel like you’ve gotten your $5 dollars worth by ending the night with Crash Test @ UCB Theatre 11PM $5.

3) OPEN MIC RUN: LAUGH FACTORY 8001 W. Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA/Sign-up 5PM/Starts 6:30PM/10-15 spots available, CASEY’S 613 S. Grand Ave., Los Angeles, CA (downtown)/Sign-up (lottery) 7PM/Starts 8PM, CLUB 705 705 Pier Ave., Hermosa Beach, CA/Starts around 7PM, TRIBAL CAFE 1651 W. Temple St., Los Angeles, CA (Echo Park)/Starts 8PM, GROUND ZERO USC 615 Childs Way, Los Angeles CA (on USC campus between Marks Hall, Marks Tower, and Trojan Residence Hall Dorms)/USC Student Sign-up 9PM/Non-USC Student Sign-up 9:15PM/Starts 9:30PM, MARTY’S 7351 W. Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA (walk up Martel past Big Mama’s and Papa’s)/5PM to 11PM/$5 cover/multiple sets allowed.

4) Comedy Central just released its list of the best breakout comedians of 2010 and Comedy Bureau favorites Kyle Kinane and Chelsea Peretti (Reggie Watts too, though he’s NYC) made the list. Congratulations to them as they will all be featured on Comedy Central this Friday. Check back at the Comedy Bureau for more details.

5) The Big Trouble in Little Tokyo Open Mic PART 4 is TOMORROW NIGHT and we have RYAN STOUT coming down to perform as a very special guest. Yeah, that’s RYAN STOUT everyone. Plus a happy hour w/$2 fish tacos, $3 domestic/$4 imported beer, raffles a plenty, etc. Again, TOMORROW Sign-up 6:30PM/Starts 7PM/Señor Fish/422 E. 1st St. (Little Tokyo/near downtown).

5) The Comedy Bureau “Tips Its Hat” today to ANDY PETERS–

Hailing from Seattle, Andy now, luckily for us, Los Angeles his home and is a favorite all around the LA comedy circuit from the likes of the Hollywood Improv to the Hollywood Studio Bar and Grill. Absolutely “tearing it up” on stage with his fierce, irreverent style, one should never miss a chance to see Andy Peters perform. Your next chance will be tonight at Anthill Pub & Grille (C-215 Student Center, UCI, Irvine, CA ) 9PM FREE and at Comedy Juice @ The Hollywood Improv Dec. 1st 10PM $14/2 item min. Also be sure to check out his Website and Twitter.

6) From the “You Should Have Been There” Lagoon: Bill Hicks Play From Your Fucking Heart

7) So the Comedy Bureau will be at an open mic tonight, so THERE WILL BE LIVE TWEETING (oh, and it will be some fun as this open mic doesn’t have a host). I’ll be taking donations here. I mean, please give… here.

8) Getting ready for a show that takes place after an AA meeting this week. Somehow, I don’t think open mics help that much in this regard.

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Morning Debriefing 11/22/10

1) Depression-a-palooza @ my own head, basically, is something you never want to go to. Last night was the first time I didn’t go out in several months and let’s just hope this doesn’t happen too frequently, mostly because drinking alone is never a pleasant experience (i.e. I tweeted, “Apparently, I’m the star of Home Alone 7: It’s Your Own Fault Because You Won’t Try Online Dating. #straighttovideo #diealone #samething).

2) COMEDY CRAWL Cartoon Dump @ Steve Allen Theater 8PM $10, Tig Notaro’s Untitled Comedy Tour @ Largo 8PM $20, Dame Funny @ Jon Lovitz Comedy Club 8PM $20/2 drink min., What’s Up Tiger Lily? @ Hollywood Studio Bar & Grill 8:30PM FREE, Melgard Mondays @ Melgard Public House 9PM FREE, Keep It Clean @ 1739 Public House 10PM FREE

3) OPEN MIC RUN: CLUB 705 705 Pier Ave., Hermosa Beach, CA/7PMish, CASEY’S 613 S. Grand Ave., Los Angeles, CA (downtown)/Sign-up (lottery) 7PM/Starts 8PM, TRIBAL CAFE 1651 W. Temple St., Los Angeles, CA (echo park)/8:15PM, GROUND ZERO USC 615 Childs Way, Los Angeles, CA (on eastern most side of USC campus/in between dormitories)/USC student sign-up 9PM/non-USC student sign-up 9:15PM/Starts 9:30PM, MARTY’S/THE OPEN MIC 7351 W. Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA (walk up Martel past Big Mama’s and Papa’s)/5PM to 11PM/$5/multiple sets allowed.

4) Tig Notaro’s Untitled Comedy Tour is taking submissions to come to your house/apartment/living space. Just make a 2 minute video and post it on facebook here to have a chance to have Tig Notaro and her friends have a friggin’ comedy show in your backyard/living room/where you don’t sleep in your living space.

5) Big Trouble in Little Tokyo Open Mic is tomorrow night. Last week I gave away cheeseburger shaped cookies and a 15-min. drop in spot. WHO KNOW WANTS GOING TO HAPPEN THIS WEEK?!?!? Show up and find out. Sign-up 6:30PM. Starts 7PM @ Señor Fish, 422 E. 1st St. in Little Tokyo.

6) The Comedy Bureau "Tips Its Hat” today to ANDRÉS DU BOUCHET for this amazing two-part tweet: “@dubouchet Having accomplished every goal I’ve set for myself (Andres points to blank sheet of paper), I now intend to relax for 30-40 years. I pointed to the wrong paper in that last tweet. HERE’S my list of goals! (pointing to napkin on which I’ve written "HI ANDRES!” in ketchup).“ Andrés currently and deservedly writes for Conan here in LA. Here’s his site/blog here and then you can follow him on Twitter here. DO IT NOW!!!

7) Coming soon to the Comedy Bureau: "Tip of the Hat” Archive and everything and anything that’s “Bureau Approved” featuring everything that’s already been featured so all of you fine folks can find it quite easily instead of digging through all of these posts like I do.

8) I wouldn’t be asking for a donation if I wasn’t currently writing this blog on my bed. Please donate to the Comedy Bureau so we can change this (mostly for a bigger bed).

9) Planning to watch Social Network today, then write 5 minutes on it. Instead of being on the cutting edge with the latest news, I like being “dollar theater” topical, though I may need to start a show at a dollar theater for it to work.

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Morning Debriefing 11/15/10

1) There is no such thing as the Library Cafe Open Mic in Los Angeles. (Sidenote: there is a great open mic on Wed. at Library: A Coffee House in Long Beach) This town is so disconnected, so uninformed within itself, and most importantly bad at promoting available stage time. Talking to the owner of Library Cafe in LA, she explained that only the same few people kept coming and it wasn’t that great. That is the result one gets when those “few people” keep an open mic secret, which can be understandable on their end, but this is what you should expect when you only tell a few friends to come on by. Again, LA is so decentralized and unaware that if you want people to come, you have to tell EVERYONE, even if it is free stage time. However, the Comedy Bureau will try to spread the word about new rooms/rooms no one’s ever heard of/rooms in Alhambra, etc. that most people won’t want to drive to.

2) Tonight’s COMEDY CRAWL is almost physically possible. I’m sure this isn’t a stat anybody really cares about, but let’s see how much “Comedy Stamina” you really have. Start off with a heavy laughs at What’s Up Tiger Lily? @ Hollywood Studio Bar and Grill 8PM FREE, then a few more big chuckles at Lower Crust Comedy @ Genghis Cohen 9PM $5, then a few more laughs and some smiles at Eli Braden @ Cherry Pit 9PM 749 W. Katella Ave., Orange, CA, and then finish off with mad dash of guffaws at Keep It Clean Comedy @ 1739 Public House 10PM FREE.

3) OPEN MIC RUN: CLUB 705/705 Pier Ave., Hermosa Beach, CA/7ishPM/10 min. stage time at least, PUKA BAR/710 W. Willow St., Long Beach, CA/8PM, CASEY’S/613 S. Main St., Los Angeles, CA (downtown)/Sign-up (lottery) 8PM/Starts 8:30PM, TRIBAL CAFE/1651 W. Temple St., Los Angeles, CA (echo park)/8PM, GROUND ZERO CAFE/615 Childs Way, Los Angeles, CA (USC)/USC student Sign-up 9PM/Non Student Sign-up 9:15PM/Starts 9:30PM, MARTY’S/THE OPEN MIC 7351 W. Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA (walk up Martel past Big Mama’s and Papa’s)/5PM to 11PM/$5 Cover/Free coffee & water.

4) The Comedy Bureau tips its hat to none other than Jeremy Paul for sharing this gem "My HMO does not cover titty glitter.“ He keeps saying he is going to die, but he’s going to be funny while doing it. Also, he wants to have his comedy special taped at the Alamo. Follow all of his hopes, dreams, and nightmares here.

5) Big Trouble in Little Tokyo 2nd Edition @ Señor Fish is TOMORROW! Comedy, $2 fish tacos, raffles, $3 domestic/$4 imported beers, three mics/three mic stands, and a whole lot more fun surprises. 422 E. 1st St., Los Angeles (in, you guessed it, Little Tokyo) Sign up 6:30PM, Starts 7PM. Do not miss.

6) Well, well, well… if you were wondering A) who writes this blog? B) Where can I see this person perform? C) I know who writes this blog, but when is he ever actually doing a show? D) Why does this person do this to himself? I have all the answers TONIGHT. Go to Keep It Clean @ 1739 Public House (1739 N. Vermont Ave. in Los Feliz) 10PM FREE. (yeah… that means I’m doing the show, so please come, and also get your answers to any of those questions that I’m sure all of you had)

7) As I’ll be performing and acting as the Comedy Bureau simultaneously, I’ll be trying to simultaneously live tweet at with my own personal account here, which only few people follow because it’s most like suicide jokes, and the actual Comedy Bureau account, which people actually like here. Follow both and see what happens.

8) Donate because I’d like to say, "This shit ain’t free, ya know?!?” but unfortunately can’t, because it is…. Please donate and I’ll write something better next time.

9) I’d like to believe that comedy is largely derived from finding the fallacy in what’s accepted, especially since I do stand up comedy and no one ever told me I was funny while growing up.

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Morning Debriefing 11/1/10

1) Schtick or Treat @ Taix made the word “epic” seem a woeful and paltry adjective in attempting to describe what was one of the best times I’ve ever had a comedy show. Even though there were over 30 performers, it was the epitome of a “good ol’ time” the whole way through. Seriously, what other show in LA can you see “Steve Martin”,“Russell Brand”, “Carrot Top”, “Eddie Pepitone”, “Sarah Silverman”, “Rowdy Roddy Piper”, “Kyle Kinane”, “Gilbert Gottfried”, “Andy Kindler”, “Weird Al Yankovic”, and “Jake Weisman”? That’s right you can’t think of one until 364 days from now, but go to the normally schedule French Toast every Sunday 8:30PM for FREE at the same lovely 321 Lounge @ Taix.

2) Tonight’s “Comedy Crawl” is slightly more manageable, IF YOU CAN TELEPORT!!! Go to What’s Up Tiger Lily? @ Hollywood Studio Bar & Grill 8:30PM FREE, then Hotel Cafe Presents: Hotel Comedy @ The Hotel Cafe 9PM $15, then Keep It Clean @ 1739 Public House 10PM FREE, then make your last “jump” to Crash Test @ The UCB Theatre 11PM $5. BLAM!!! (if that’s the sound you make when/if you teleport)

3) Like I mentioned yesterday, there’s a new feature in a long line of innovations from the Comedy Bureau that allows you to keep track of most regularly scheduled live comedy in LA. NOW UPDATED WITH THE J-SPOT. Other fine comedy establishments soon to follow. Again here it is, The Comedy Bureau’s very own Calendars.

4) Unlike “real people” with “actual money”, comedians have to/should be working on our act and, as such, THE COMEDY BUREAU will be attempting an open mic run of 3 spots, which, if you know anything about driving in LA, is near impossible. Well, IMPOSSIBLE CAN GO TAKE A DIRT NAP!!! TRIBAL CAFE. GROUND ZERO USC. TAIX. The Comedy Bureau’s very own Bureau Director will be live tweeting during this test of endurance/patience/more patience, so stay tuned for the play-by-play right here.

5) At least, someone likes us. Thanks Shayne-Michael.com

6) Now it has a face. The Big Trouble in Little Tokyo Open Mic. NOV. 9TH. 6:30PM. Please don’t forget, mostly because I don’t have any enforceable consequences if you do.

7) Given the impulsive notion of large scale chain retailers in the U.S., is it too early to tell Black Friday jokes?

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