marty’s – Page 2 – The Comedy Bureau

Post Brunch Update 12/17/10

1) If you love comedy in all aspects of your life, including your daily news, do not miss an opportunity to check out almost brand spanking new HahaJK.com. Bannered on the top of the site by founder Jamie Kennedy is what seems to be their motto, “News the way you want it-Funny,” which the entire Comedy Bureau staff, myself included, says HahaJk.com completely delivers on. Covering the entire U.S. News gamut (politics, money, lifestyle, sports, and so on and so forth), HahaJK.com has a plethora of a “possibly factual” stories that are made even funnier by “possibly” altering a few details such as this story about Carnie Wilson of 80’s female supergroup Wilson Phillips having incredibly difficulty maintaining her weight. HahaJK.com is just in its soft-launch phase and it already has potential to give the Onion a run for its money and certainly put the Huffington Post in its place, especially since one of the Comedy Bureau’s favorites Tony Sam is one of their head writers. So, in case you skipped right here to the end, check out HahaJK.com.

2) On the sixth night of Christmas, my true love (if I had one) went on a COMEDY CRAWL with me, well… not really. If she existed, she probably be incredibly pretentious and want to go to the Silent Movie Theatre instead, but that’s not the case so go see some damn comedy with Dead Authors @ UCB Theatre 7PM $5, Destructo @ Meltdown Comics 7:30PM $6, Adam Carolla @ Irvine Improv 8PM/10PM $30/2 drink min., Bill Burr @ Brea Improv 8PM/10PM $20/2 drink min., Jokes from the Underground @ Hollywood Improv Lab 8:30PM $5, Comedy Car Hole @ Comedy Car Hole 9PM FREE, Stood Up Friday Night @ Moving Arts Theatre 10PM $5, and We Wish You A Silly Spoofmas: A Holiday Special @ UCB Theatre MIDNIGHT $5.

3) OPEN MIC RUN: SUNSET GRILL 7439 W. Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA/Starts 6PM/one item min., SILVERLAKE LOUNGE 2906 W. Sunset Blvd., Los Angeles, CA (Silverlake)/Sign-up (lottery) 6:30PM/Starts 7PM, iCANDY 1708 E. Broadway, Long Beach, CA/Sign-up 6PM/Starts 7PM/$3 min., GLENDALE DAYS INN 450 N. Pioneer Dr., Glendale, CA/Starts 8PM, TRINITY OPEN MIC 1015 California Ave., Santa Monica, CA/Starts 8PM/must work clean, MARTY’S/THE OPEN MIC 7351 W. Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA (walk up Martel past Big Mama’s and Papa’s)/5PM to 11PM/$5/multiple sets allowed.

4) If you think that rain here transforms LA into some barren wasteland and INSIST on staying in, then you can watch Maria Bamford is on the Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson on CBS 12:35AM.

5) Ultimate Free and Cheap LA Comedy List 12/19-12/25. Merry Christmas and big thanks to Wisepix.

6) Jimmy Pardo’s entire 12 hour Pardcast-a-Thon featuring a cavalcade (yeah, I like $3 words) of celebrities and funny folks is now available for download and still raising money for Smile Train, a charity dedicated to giving impoverished children in need cleft-palate surgery. They’re over $26,000 now, why not push them over $30,000?

7) Wonder what the Midwest/Dallas-Ft. Worth area thinks of LA comedienne/theWorst.tv’s Shannon Hatch? Of course you do. That’s why you’ll read this interview from Dallas based culture website Serial Optimist.

8) Several people have asked me how they can be featured on the Comedy Bureau. As the Comedy Bureau’s tries to rid the public of comedy “red-tape”, the Comedy Bureau staff maintains a strict policy of bringing the Great Los Angeles Metropolitan Area the best in the LA comedy scene straight from the trenches. Thus, all one has to do be featured here: BE ABSOLUTELY FUNNY.

9) The Comedy Bureau “Tips Its Hat” Today to CHRISTIAN DUGUAY “@christianduguay Little known fact – all 7-11s offer a murder weapon disposal service.” Christian not only writes gems on his Twitter and does stand-up in LA, but he produces several shows for MTV including Rob Dyrdek’s Fantasy Factory, an impressive feat considering many comics that get the “Tip of the Hat” seemingly spend almost their entire day tweeting/facebooking/blogging. Follow Christian on Twitter here.

10) From the “You Should Have Been There” Lagoon: Robert’s Christmas Story

11) Tonight, I’m performing, chronicling, becoming the Super Man from being the “Clark Kent” of LA Comedy at the Hollywood Improv for Jokes from the Underground. Follow me, I mean, The Comedy Bureau on Twitter for another night of comedy misadventures around LA. Also donate, too, or else I won’t get to the show… most likely…

12) I’ve gotten to the status of “that guy who writes a blog.” I think I could end 2010 feeling like I’ve accomplished something.

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THE COMEDY BUREAU

Post Brunch Update 12/17/10

4) If you think that rain here transforms LA into some barren wasteland and INSIST on staying in, then you can watch Maria Bamford is on the Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson on CBS 12:35AM.

5) Ultimate Free and Cheap LA Comedy List 12/19-12/25. Merry Christmas and big thanks to Wisepix.

7) Wonder what the Midwest/Dallas-Ft. Worth area thinks of LA comedienne thinks of LA Comedienne/theWorst.tv’s Shannon Hatch? Of course you do. That’s why you’ll read this interview from Dallas based culture website Serial Optimist.

10) From the “You Should Have Been There” Lagoon: Robert’s Christmas Story

12) I’ve gotten to the status of “that guy who writes a blog.” I think I could end 2010 feeling like I’ve accomplished something.

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Morning Debriefing 12/12/10

1) Last night, instead of performing/watching comedy, I was pretty much coerced into going into my mother’s Christmas work party at the Hilton Alhambra (one of the most Asian-centric parts of town) as a form of Christmas family time bonding, which is simultaneously a horrible situation I have no desire of being in AND a great source for material, especially considering the honest, personal approach I take to my act. Knowing that everyone’s process of developing material for performing comedy is drastically different, I’d like to offer a glimpse into my own personal process where I draw directly from personal experience. Listed below is a series of tweets I wrote throughout the duration of the party/death march of boredom/worst quiz I have ever sat through that will probably turn into 1-2 minutes of material (will keep you updated on progress). Perhaps, all of these random 140 characters or less thoughts will become nothing, but, either way, this is where my my comedy writing process starts…

-Surrounded by first generation Asians in the patient care industry. Already feeling uncomfortable. Step 1 complete.
-I don’t know why I checked Asian/Paciic Islander on any application. I don’t relate to any of these people. #jokesomewhere
-I have more in common with the “table 8” sign than all the Asian people here as it doesn’t tell me, “Go to grad school.”
-Currently listening to lounge version of Girl From Impanema, which sounds like the original if it was dosed with Ambien.
-If someone asks if I do jokes about how I’m not an Asian doctor, I would consider them heckling me in conversation
-I’m uncomfortable with how Asian-centric this party is; I feel about as asian as Mickey Rooney in Breakfast at Tiffany’s
-“Go ahead and speak Asian! I wasn’t going to talk to you anyway!” something I want to say at this party.
-Yelling “I’m not Asian for fuck sakes” is a bad idea. Christmas Techno music… a much worst idea.
-Christmas parties like this make me understand why cyanide for human consumption was discovered. #toodark? #dontcare
-Someone who can barely speak English is giving speech; needs translator who speaks “shut the hell up I’m hungry as fuck”
-Knowing how to use chopsticks is about as Asian as I get. #igrewupinamerica #damnit #usausausa
-Phone was nearly dead and thus kept me from sharing my hate of this stupid party with the world.
-in a quiz for a prize in which the answer to why did Scrooge change his mind was because he cared about people #bullshit
-My answer to scrooge’s change of heart: fear of the proletariat rise #yeahimpretentious #ihatethisparty
-In a room full of Asians, the answer to How many planets are there in our solar system was somehow 9. #falsestereotypes
-“Tokyo is the most populated city, bitch and that motherfucker doesn’t deserve a TV.” Christmas brings out the best in us.
-Into hour 5 of this party and I just want to yell racial epithets so I can leave.
-Actual Riddle for TV: Harry died on land and people were happy, David dies on land and people were happier. Who are they?
-Answer to riddle in last tweet: they were typhoons. My answer: Go fuck yourself
-For big screen tv, we’re asked to pick out three distinct items in a picture of a bum and a volunteer. #whyamistillhere
-My next set of answers to this quiz are going to be shenanigans, gobbledygook , and complete and utter bullshit.
-It irks me to think why my Dad ever wonders why I appear to be angry on stage. #6hrparty

2) Going on tonight’s COMEDY CRAWL is a perfect alternative to going postal on people in the Grove parking structure because you want to show off this year at Christmas. Start off with Jeff Garlin’s Combo Platter @ UCB Theatre 6PM $2, then Eban Schletter’s Cosmic Christmas @ Glendale Planetarium 5PM/7PM $10, then Alonzo Bodden @ Brea Improv 7PM $17/2 item min., then Race Riot @ Hollywood Improv 7:30PM $14/2 item min., then ASSSSCAT @ UCB Theatre 7:30PM FREE, then Comedy Night @ Chatterbox 8PM FREE, then Please, Thank You, & You’re Welcome @ Bar Lubitsch 8:30PM FREE, then French Toast @ Taix 8:30PM FREE, then Top Story Weekly @ iO West 9PM $5, then The Comedy Crush Bad Sweater Holiday Show @ The Hollywood Improv 9:30PM $14/2 item min., then Sunday Sunday Sunday @ Improv Space 9:30PM FREE.

3) OPEN MIC RUN: PALMS 8572 Santa Monica Blvd., West Hollywood, CA/Starts 6PM, SUNSET GRILL 7439 W. Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA/Starts 7PM/one item min., SAL’S COMEDY HOLE 7356 Melrose Ave., Los Angeles, CA/Starts 6PM/one item min., MARTY’S/THE OPEN MIC 7351 W. Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA (walk up Martel past Big Mama’s and Papa’s)/5PM to 11PM/$5/multiple sets allowed

4) The Comedy Bureau Calendars is finally updated in full!!! Every single club listed actually goes to there Calendars/Upcoming shows page. All of the minor inconvenience that remained on that list is now completely GONE offering you ease in searching for shows in LA unless clicking is a “big deal” for you.

5) The Comedy Bureau “Tips Its Hat” today to JACKIE KASHIAN-“@jackiekashian I said to him, "so you’ve never done standup before?” he paused. a long time. “open mike?” he said, “well, I was on the bus this one time.” After heckling Sam Kinison many years ago, Jackie has never looked back in her vast and successful journey as a comedienne. Touring throughout the world and having been on TV several times, she shares her uproariously funny anecdotes about her dad, her husband, and herself. Thus, do not miss Jackie’s hilarious podcast Dorkforest or her website, blog, or Twitter.

6) From the “You Should Have Been There” Lagoon: Jon Stewart Stand Up (1996)

7) If you read the Twitter feed excerpt from above, I think you’ll agree with me in wanting to donate to the Comedy Bureau. Do so right here.

8) As I stride further and further into comedy, I seem to know less and less “real” people. The “jury” is still out on whether this is a good or bad thing. The Comedy Bureau will keep you updated on my/its sanity.

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Morning Debriefing 12/11/10

1) In the last few weeks, both Larry King and Steve-O (after working on his act with Dane Cook) have both announced upcoming stand-up comedy tours across the country, which continues a growing trend of people using their fame/celebrity to go on a stand-up comedy tour. Even, John Mayer has been known to “dabble” in stand-up also, though not embarking “on the road”… yet, which would make it seem that the way to “make it” involves staging a bank robbery, getting a show on Food Network as a “reformed convict” that made a new life through finding new ways to deep frying foods that aren’t meant to be fried, and THEN go on a stand up comedy tour as opposed to working on my act at open mics. Too bad, I actually love performing stand up comedy too much to do that.

2) Rather than walking throughout various Best Buys in Los Angeles County looking for that “criterion collection” DVD, go on tonight’s COMEDY CRAWL 2 Milk Minimum @ Flappers Burbank 12:30PM $10/2 item min., The Comedy Replacements @ Flappers YooHoo Room 7:30PM $10/2 drink min., ASSSSCAT @ UCB Theatre 8PM $10 (stand by only), Jackie Kashian @ Flappers Claremont 8PM/10PM $15/2 drink min., Andy Daly @ Hollywood Improv 8PM $18/2 drink min., Matt Champagne @ Downtown Comedy Club 8PM $10, Comedy Show @ Days Inn Glendale 9PM FREE, Jen Kirman Album Taping @ UCB Theatre 10PM $10 (stand by only), The Twelve Shiny Nickels Show @ The Fake Gallery 11PM FREE.

3) OPEN MIC RUN: WESTSIDE COMEDY THEATRE 1323-A 3rd. St. Promenade (in alley between 3rd and 4th St.)/Sign-up (lottery) 6PM/Starts 6:30PM, SUNSET GRILL 7439 W. Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA/Starts 7PM/one item min., MARTY’S/THE OPEN MIC 7351 W. Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA (walk up Martel past Big Mama’s and Papa’s)/5PM to 11PM/$5/multiple sets allowed.

4) Just like yesterday, Comedy Death Ray Nativity Pageant’s Auctions are still going for a few more days for the benefit of the LA Regional Food Bank. Go auction here for such exciting items as a private performance from Garfunkel and Oates to Brian Posehn and Steve Agee watching Steven Seagal with you to Sarah Silverman skyping with your family at Christmas to even a private performance from Maria Bamford. Also, like yesterday, I still can’t afford any of these bids as I’m going to the 99 cents store for the major portion of my Christmas shopping.

5) The Comedy Bureau “Tip Its Hat” today to ROB DELANEY-“Friends don’t let friends drive drunk, unless that friend FUCKED MY FIANCEE WHILE I WAS IN JAIL, MATT HALL YOU ALCOHOLIC CUNT.” Respected comedian and prolific tweeter Rob Delaney has almost 40,000 followers @robdelaney, which I almost can’t process as I only have 28. You can see Rob live next week at what will be one of the best shows of the week Sweet and Sour ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY/BIRTHDAY BASH @ Genghis Cohen Tues. Dec. 14th 7PM $5. Here’s Rob blog and his Twitter yet again.

6) From the “You Should Have Been There” Lagoon: Lewis Black-Starbucks

7) “The Comedy Bureau Donation Box has started collecting dust”-If we could afford a physical donation box. “Tweeted here.”-cheap attempt to gain followers on Twitter.

8) I’m pleasantly surprised that Miley Cyrus being legal and smoking weed is not that big of a trending topic online.

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Morning Debriefing 12/8/10

1) BIG THANKS to everyone who came out to cause some BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE TOKYO (there’s no intentional reference to Dec. 7th, 1941 here)!!! Thanks once again to the fantastic ABBEY LONDER!!! Next week: We find the girls with green eyes and TONY SAM and JAMIE LEE!! WHAT!??!?!? DEC. 14TH. SEÑOR FISH. SIGN UP 6:30PM. STARTS 7PM.

2) COMEDY CRAWL COMICTHON @ Hollywood Laugh Factory HAPPENING RIGHT NOW one unwrapped toy, Joe Wengert’s Stages of Adulthood @ UCB Theatre 6:30PM $5, “If This Doesn’t Work, I’m Moving Home” A Variety Hour @ Harlem Place Cafe 8PM FREE, Eagle Rock Comedy Festival @ The York, Coffee Table Lounge, Brownstone Pizzeria, and more 8PM FREE, Meltdown @ Meltdown Comics 8:30PM $8, Riot! @ El Cid 9:30PM $10, Beer in the Shower @ Whitehorse Cocktail Lounge Inn 9:30PM FREE, The Jesse Miller Talk Show @ Next Stage Theatre 11PM $5

3) OPEN MIC RUN: HOLLYWOOD STUDIO BAR & GRILL 6122 W. Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA/Sign up 5:30PM/Starts 6PM/1 item min., THE SPOT CAFE 4455 Overland Ave., Culver City, CA/Sign up (lottery) 7PM, CAFE ON 2ND 7 S. 2nd St., Alhambra, CA/Sign-up 7PM/Starts 7:30PM, LIBRARY A COFFEEHOUSE 3418 E. Broadway, Long Beach, CA/Sign-up 7:30PM/Starts 8PM, MARTY’S/THE OPEN MIC 7351 W. Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA (walk up Martel past Big Mama’s and Papa’s)/5PM to 11PM/$5/multiple sets allowed.

4) Some regular readers of the Comedy Bureau posts wonder what I’m going to do as a “Year in the Review” since several other comedy news websites are already doing their “Year in Review” posts or countdowns/top 10 lists. Again, one of the goals here at the Comedy Bureau is to get rid of “comedy red tape” and as such, I’m going to make a “Top 10 List of 2010 Comedy Lists” so you don’t have to wonder about which list to actually pay attention to. Check back at the Comedy Bureau for more details.

5) Paul F Tompkins DVD “You Should Have Told Me” NOW available for pre-sale at AST Records. Consider it as one of those “Christmas presents for yourself”, especially if you live alone.

6) Brand Spankin’ New Podcasts are about to drop very soon on Earwolf from none other than Howard Kremer, Drew Droege, and Paul Scheer. I really shouldn’t have to say more than that, but you can indulge yourself in a higher word-count/more details here.

7) The Comedy Bureau “Tips Its Hat” to today to RYAN STOUT-“@stoutryan #StoutsGuideToSuicide – Tip 396 – The best day to kill yourself is ALWAYS yesterday.” Now having the select distinction of being one of three people to get another “Tip of the Hat”, Ryan shows why he’s regarded not only one of the fastest rising comics right now, but also why he’s one of the best joke writers in “the biz”. Check him out at his website and follow him on Twitter or suffer the consequences (inquire at thecomedybureau@gmail.com for details on consequences)

8) From the “You Should Have Been There” Lagoon: Late World w/Zach Galifianakis-Pre-School

9) Some asked why I would do Marty’s from 5PM to 11PM and it’s not because I’m a comedy masochist. I do it so none of you have to go through it in case you ever had the curiosity of what it may be like as you can see on Twitter (look for #martysmarathon). That’s why I ask for donations.

10) Comedy Bureau PSA to the General Public: No comic ever wants feedback in the form of audible comments DURING their set. THIS HAS NEVER BEEN THE CASE. So, please, show your appreciation/disdain in uproarious laughter/silence. This ad has been sponsored by the Comedy Bureau.

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Morning Debriefing 12/7/10

1) Yesterday, as I said, I went did the Marty’s Marathon, meaning I went up at the same open mic from 5PM to 11PM. Instead of reviewing the whole experience, I’m going to just list all the tweets I had through the duration of the open mic as a “stream of consciousness” primary document to impart what exactly what I went through:
“At Marty’s for comedy open mic march of death. #thisisgoingtobefun #convincinghashtag.”
“Audience/comics that may not listen of 3.”
“Host redoing opening joke”
“I love to hear homeless men fart.” #openmicgenius"
“Host running time by when he finishes his burger”
“People are looking at me while performing like I’m the only audience member because that’s kind of the case.”
“Finished first set at marty’s and I’m thinking already "I’m still here”
“There’s a crowd…. of five….. two of which are actually listening”
“Apparently, I’m not the first one to do Marty’s from 5pm to 11pm. DAMN IT!!!”
“To do material or to depress the shit out of people #openmichamlet”
“You know what happens when I play hard to get? I DON’T GET GOT!” #openmicgenius"
“Sad dick dead dick ad dick dead dick dead dick dead dick happy dick sad dick happy dick dead dick sad dick happy dick”
“People keep think I’m texting. If only they knew what I was really doing.”
“Got set number 2 in and got three awwwwws. #imstillhere”
“Almost 8pm and have not gotten up 3 times at Marty’s or had more than 3 "audience members”.
“Oh, and looks like I went with ”…to depress the shit out of people" #openmichamlet #reallythoughigotsomelaughs"
“I’m addicted to cleaning my ears… It’s ear sex.” #openmicgenius"
“3hr 38 min mark, still waiting to go up third time.”
“What do you want from me?!?!??!?!??!??!??!??!??!??!??????????”
“Hour 4, still waiting for set number 3”
“3 people and the remnants of a person on stage left here at Marty’s”
“13 minutes for third set at marty’s for three people”
“10 min. conversation with host on stage in between comics.”
“In hour 5, still here with three other people”
“Just did 4 sets at Marty’s and it’s 11. FUCK.”
“6 hours for 35 min. of stage time, though still feel empty. #maybethatsjustme”

2) While waiting to see how long the Laugh Factory Comicthon will last or the judgment on Wikileaks founder Julian Assange you should probably go on tonight’s COMEDY CRAWL because it’ll be better for your life in general. Start off with Sataristas Live @ Actor’s Gang 7PM Pay-what-you-can, then Ballgame’s Laugh Lounge @ Red Rock 8PM FREE, then This is Not Happening Presents: This Year in Review @ Hollywood Improv Lab $5/2 drink min., then Comedy Death Ray @ UCB Theatre 8:30PM $5 (stand by only), then Holy Fuck! @ Downtown Independent Theater 9PM FREE, then Three’s Comedy 5 Year Anniversary @ Three of Clubs 9PM FREE, then Hot Toddy @ iO West 11PM $5, then finish with Chatroulette LIVE! @ UCB Theatre 11PM $5.

3) OPEN MIC RUN: PALMS 8572 Santa Monica Blvd., West Hollywood, CA/Sign-up 4:30PM/Starts 5PM, then BACK HOME IN LAHAINA 519 Carson St., Carson, CA #A/Sign-up 6PM/Starts 7PM, BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE TOKYO @ SEÑOR FISH 422 E. 1st, Los Angeles, CA (downtown)/Sign-up 6:30PM/Starts 7PM, COFFEE GALLERY 2029 Lake Ave., Altadena, CA/Starts 8PM, WESTWOOD BREWCO 1097 Glendon Ave., Westwood, CA/Sign-up (lottery) 7:30PM/Starts 8PM, MARTY’S/THE OPEN MIC 7351 W. Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA (walk up Martel past Big Mama’s and Big Papa’s)/5PM to 11PM/$5/multiple sets allowed.

4) BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE TOKYO!!! ABBEY LONDER!!! $2 FISH TACOS!!! SURPRISE RAFFLES!!! $3 DOMESTIC/$4 IMPORTED BEER!!! Oh yeah, you can literally walk to Holy Fuck after this. (details above)

5) The Hollywood Laugh Factory has already set out to gain the world record of longest running continuous live comedy show, which is apparently 50 hours, with COMICTHON while simultaneously accepting toy donations for the Children’s Hospital and will run for a few days this week. It has been advertised that Dave Chappelle will go up at some point, but there’s no indication as to when he will perform or when Dane Cook will go up. Check 8001 W. Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA at your own pleasure/peril.

6) “Special Case Mention” from friend of the Comedy Bureau’s Hasan Minhaj-If you’ve ever considered doing standup comedy understand that you’ll have to be able to follow this. This is real: http://yfrog.us/nfnu8z

7) Maria Bamford has already played one living room earlier this year. Make the next living room she plays YOURS!!! Auction for a private performance from Maria Bamford here. All proceeds go the Los Angeles Regional Food Bank.

8) The Comedy Bureau “Tip Its Hat” today to LIZZY COOPERMAN-“@lizzycooperman "Peaks and valleys, man. It’s all about peaks and valleys.” – a depressed person summing up life, or the book “Let’s Go Afghanistan”. Yet another repeat “Tip of the Hat” winner, Lizzy is quite simply a privilege to watch with her furiously smart and swift jokes and should never be missed. Don’t miss Lizzy tomorrow at Riot @ El Cid $10 4212 W. Sunset Blvd., Los Angeles, CA, The Josh and Josh Show @ Bar Lubitsch FREE 7702 Santa Monica Blvd., West Hollywood, CA, and with her fabulous sketch group Birds of Prey at Please, Thank You, You’re Welcome @ Bar Lubitsch FREE 8:30PM. Also, be sure to check out Lizzy’s website and absolutely follow her on Twitter.

9) From the “You Should Have Been There” Lagoon: “Hello There” A film by Louis CK

10) Forget about whether it ‘tis the season or not… The Comedy Bureau needs your support. Please donate here, if you are willing and able/decent person.

11) RT @Kabelion Based on comedy centrals 10 best comics of 2010, this year was the weakest year in comedy since Gallagher 1 was the biggest thing going.

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Morning Debriefing 12/6/10

1) Most comics in Los Angeles find that they can only get up once a night. Some of the more dedicated comics hustle out to do two spots in one night, then the hardest workers I find can do about four in one night, if there’s the opportunity to. Tonight, for benefit of the LA comedy community, the Comedy Bureau is going to go up about 8 times, possibly even more, by performing at Marty’s/The Open Mic from 5PM to 11PM to let you know what it’s like without you ever having to try it. Marty’s is an open mic that allows performers, after they pay the $5 cover, to go up as many times as they want/feel is necessary/can handle. You can follow this journey into what very well might be a productive night of comedy OR comedy purgatory bordering on the tips of the flames of comedy hell on Twitter right here.

2) Nice and easy seems to be theme of tonight’s COMEDY CRAWL with all of the weekly shows regularly listed here in full effect (NOT TO MENTION THAT ALL OF THIS COSTS JUST $5) Start off with What’s Up Tiger Lily? @ Hollywood Studio Bar & Grill 8PM FREE, then Comedy Show @ The Cherry Pit 9PM FREE, then Keep It Clean @ 1739 Public House 10PM FREE, and I’m sure you’ll have enough money to finish off the night at Crash Test @ UCB Theatre 11PM $5 and be able to get home.

3) OPEN MIC RUN: CLUB 705 705 Pier Ave., Hermosa Beach, CA/Starts “around” 7PM/10 min., TRIBAL CAFE 1651 W. Temple St., Los Angeles, CA (Echo Park)/Starts 8:15PM, CASEY’S 613 S. Grand Ave., Los Angeles, CA (downtown)/Sign-up (lottery) 7PM/Starts 8PM, MARTY’S/THE OPEN MIC 7351 W. Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA (walk up Martel past Big Mama’s and Papa’s)/5PM to 11PM/$5/multiple sets allowed.

4) Louis CK was on the Tonight Show. I didn’t get to watch it live because I was performing at an AA room, but I watched parts 1-3 of the interview here, here, and here.

5) BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE TOKYO is back for PART 5!!! Tomorrow night’s very, incredibly, special guest: ABBEY LONDER!!! Oh yeah, don’t forget $2 fish tacos and raffles galore (meaning probably 3). Tues. Dec. 7th @ Señor Fish (422 E. 1st St., Los Angeles, CA) Sign-up 6:30PM/Starts 7PM.

6) The Comedy Bureau “Tips Its Hat” today to MATT KNUDSEN “@matt_knudsen I love reindeer. They are delicious.” Armed with his incredibly astute, sharp one-liners and his remarkably delightful low-key presence, Matt Knudsen not only gets to entertain all around Los Angeles, but is regularly featured on several TV shows including, most recently, Detroit 1-8-7 and Men of a Certain Age. He just released an album, “The Comedic Stylings of Matt Knudsen”, which you should definitely buy and can be seen live this week at the “Toys for Tots Benefit” @ Hudson Mainstage Wed. Dec. 8th and improv group “The Waterbrains” @ The Westside Comedy Theatre“ Fri. Dec. 10th $10. Do not forget to check out his website and follow him on Twitter.

7) From the "You Should Have Been There” Lagoon: Sam Kinison’s First Appearance on Letterman

8) I’m doing basically an entire 12 hour day for LA Comedy today. Please donate (cash donations in person accepted as Tumblr is down).

9) Tumblr can’t stop the Comedy Bureau, but many near and dear friends tell me “dating a woman” would probably do the trick. I’ll guess we’ll have to find out….

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Morning Debriefing 12/5/10

1) The Midnight Show @ UCB Theatre is actually the first pure sketch show to be reviewed here at the Comedy Bureau and I’d be hard pressed to find a better one to start off with. Interestingly enough, as the consistently hilarious host Brody Stevens left the stage after warming up the packed-to-standing-room-only UCB Theatre, I realized that I had not seen a sketch-only comedy show in quite some time, which, after last night’s Midnight Show, is something I am hoping to correct if it all possible. The collection of furiously swift sketches had this great absurdity about them that, as the show progressed, made me drawn in even further as an audience member to where exactly they were headed. One of my favorite sketches of the night that illustrates this perfectly was a fake TV spot for a futon store where sensational Hal Rudnick started off yelling why you would need to buy futon with a voiceover saying, “Futon!” at the end of each sentence, but quickly devolved into Hal making increasingly disturbing suggestions of not going “missionary” on a “Futon!” as that will break her pelvic bone “Futon!” With a fantastic cast of Nic Wegener, Hal Rudnick, James Pumphrey, Stephanie Allynne, Jeff Sloniker, Curtis Rainsberry, and Cale Hartmann, the Midnight Show startles and jolts in the best way possible on a very late Saturday night/early Sunday morning with sketches and video clips with the deft producing of Michael Busch and Megan Reeves and the superb, discerning direction of Joe Wagner. The Midnight Show is on the first Saturday of every month at the UCB Theatre (5919 Franklin Ave., Hollywood, CA) at Midnight and only costs $5.

2) If you’re not watching Tangled this weekend, you should go on tonight’s COMEDY CRAWL. However, if you are watching Tangled this weekend, you DEFINITELY need to go on tonight’s COMEDY CRAWL. Start off with Eban Schletter’s Cosmic Christmas @ Glendale Planetarium 5PM/7PM $10/$5 for under 12, then Jeff Garlin’s Combo Platter @ UCB Theatre 6PM $2, then ASSSSCAT @ UCB Theatre 7:30PM FREE, then French Toast: MC Mr. Napkins CD Release Party @ Taix 8:30PM FREE, then The Thrilling Adventure Hour @ Largo 8:30PM $25, then Top Story Weekly @ iO West 9PM $5, and be glad that you didn’t support 3D.

3) OPEN MIC RUN: HAHA CAFE 5010 N. Lankershim Blvd., N. Hollywood, CA/Sign-up 5PM/Starts 6PM, PALMS 8572 Santa Monica Blvd., West Hollywood, CA/Starts 6PM, SUNSET GRILL 7439 W. Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA/Starts 7PM, MARTY’S/THE OPEN MIC 7351 W. Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA (walk up Martel past Big Mama’s and Papa’s)/5PM to 11PM/$5/multiple sets allowed

4) STOP BEING A F’N SHUT IN AND GO SEE AMAZING WORLD OF ITS OWN THAT LA IS!!!! OK, if that didn’t work, you can watch Comedy Central’s Hot List at 10PM on Comedy Central featuring their top breakout comedians of this year which includes plenty of good folks featured regularly at the Comedy Bureau including Kyle Kinane, Reggie Watts, and Chelsea Peretti, that is, if you still insist on being a shut-in.

5) How about that? Merrill Davis in LA Weekly. That’s MERRILL DAVIS in LA WEEKLY! (Look, I typed it out twice so click the link and read it, OK?)

6) The Comedy Bureau “Tips Its Hat” today to RYAN STOUT-“@stoutryan I’ve been sexually harassing this woman and I’m worried because I don’t think she knows about it. #LayingItOnThin #TooSubtle” Forget about his Comedy Central Presents special, his frequent appearances on Chelsea Lately, and other spots on TV, Ryan is one of the sharpest writers I know throughout all of LA and just “crushes” audiences wherever he goes (got an applause break at my open mic) all in a very dapper suit. Here’s his website and please follow him on Twitter here.

7) From the “You Should Have Been There” Lagoon: Henny Youngman heckles Milton Berle 1966

8) “Reason #3,212 to DONATE the Comedy Bureau: (imagine you being hypnotized) Because you wanted to.” Just tweeted this right here.

9) People wonder why I’m so positive and upbeat in this blog for the majority of it. To those people, I say, “You should see my act sometime.”

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THE COMEDY BUREAU

Morning Debriefing 12/4/10

1) ON THE SUBJECT OF HECKLERS (part 1), the Comedy Bureau would like to educate the general public that heckling is not a behavior that is in ANY way acceptable no matter what your set of circumstances you happen to be coming from. It’s not a way to make the show more fun or as some “brilliant” people I’ve overheard say, “I’m helping them.” At a comedy show, as an audience member, you are meant to sit and keep quiet and listen OR if you’re not into what’s being said, have enough respect for the person on stage trying to perform their act in what is (surprise surprise people that don’t think so) one of the hardest art forms ever conceived. There is a discrepancy when the show is at a venue where the audience did not come for the show, but simply to hang out at a bar with their friends and are subsequently being “subjected” to comedy. Even in this case, you always have the option of not listening. With that all being said, if you are a person who came to see the show WITH THE INTENTION of heckling, you are UNDENIABLE PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR A HUMAN BEING. In last night’s case, I had to deal with one of these “I am Heckler” types and realized that there’s a sadistic nature about the whole exchange. This person wants me to fail, to see me unravel as a performer, as if that is the way he will feel good about himself (sidenote: I don’t unravel. I deal with it and if you push me far enough, I’ll verbally rip you into enough shreds for confetti at New Year’s; ask Bobby Kern). As the show was at an “AA room”, I had reasoned that the guy felt like he earned the “privilege” to heckle as he was in AA and had as a common phrase among that crowd “been through a lot of shit”. Especially since the show was formatted to follow the AA meeting and we, the comedians, were not holding anyone “hostage”, I don’t care if you just came from a funeral; If you came to see the show, then simply don’t heckle. As comedians, whether we do this for a living or not, this is “work” for us and I will never go to the business where you are currently employed and say, “Did they warn you about us?” This concludes Part 1 of ON THE SUBJECT OF HECKLERS.

2) Steve-O is still headlining the Irvine Improv this weekend for whatever reason. For those of you that like to retain brain cells/your soul, go on tonight’s COMEDY CRAWL Two Milk Minimum @ Flappers YooHoo 12:30PM $10/2 item min., then Battleship Pretension @ Meltdown Comics 8PM $5, then The Thrilling Adventure Hour @ Largo 8PM $25, then The Twelve Shiny Nickels Show @ The Fake Gallery 11PM $5/21 and over, The Midnight Show @ UCB Theatre MIDNIGHT $5 (stand by only), then Tomorrow!!! w/Ron Lynch presents Crapshoot! @ Steve Allen Theater MIDNIGHT $8, and finish the night with your fist raised in the air a la John Carlos for supporting comedy that actually comedy, then actually good.

3) OPEN MIC RUN: ICE HOUSE OPEN AUDITIONS 24 N. Mentor Ave./Starts 4PM, WESTSIDE COMEDY THEATRE 1323-A 3rd St. Promenade, Santa Monica (in alley between 3rd St. and 4th St.)/Sign-up (lottery) 6PM/Starts 6:30PM./3-5 min., SUNSET GRILL 7439 W. Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA/Starts 7PM, MARTY’S/THE OPEN MIC 7351 W. Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA (walk up Martel past Big Mama’s and Papa’s)/5PM to 11PM/$5/multiple sets allowed.

4) Good news for all decent people around the world that aren’t the aforementioned “I am Heckler” types: Matt Braunger along with Brent Forrester (writer/producer on The Office) has just gotten a pilot order from Comedy Central!!! Check out more details here and the Comedy Bureau will keep you updated on its progress in development.

5) The wonderful duo of Garfunkel and Oates are both amazing and delightful. However, I think they would be amazing, delightful, and life-changing if they performed in my living room. I can’t afford that, but maybe you can by auctioning for a private show from Garfunkel and Oates right here. This is life-changing because it’s Garfunkel and Oates in the privacy of your own home AND all proceeds go to the Los Angeles Regional Food Bank.

6) The Comedy Bureau “Tips Its Hat” today to JIM HAMILTON-“@Jim_Hamilton With the stage covered in blood and lady halves, Boris realized why there aren’t more open mics for magicians.” Jim Hamilton gets the distinction of being the first person to get a second “Tip of the Hat” and with all of the beyond clever one-liners he has, Jim definitely deserves it. You can see him perform live and for FREE at one of the best shows in town this Tuesday, Dec. 7th at Holy Fuck! in the Downtown Independent Theatre (251 S. Main St., Los Angeles, CA) 9PM. I’ll probably say this several times throughout the course of the life of the Comedy Bureau: follow Jim Hamilton on Twitter here.

7) From the “You Should Have Been There” Lagoon-Bill Hicks’ Worst Gig Ever

8) If you missed the tweeting storm the Comedy Bureau had last night, check it out “open mic genius” quotes, etc. here and then donate because I drove from Long Beach to East LA to Fullerton to Garden Grove to Hollywood and back to Long Beach for comedy meaning all of you.

9) So in just over a month, 104 people like The Comedy Bureau on Facebook, 64 people follow The Comedy Bureau on Twitter, and 43 people follow us/really just me on Tumblr. Thanks everyone for reading and all the support because it’s only going to get better (especially if I make any money at this).

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THE COMEDY BUREAU

Post Brunch Update 11/30/10

1) The Ground Zero Performance Cafe Open Mic @ USC gives comics a great chance to perform in front of real college students, though, as with all open mics, without its shortcomings. In a quite dazzling venue that can seat more than 100 (as I have witnessed on occasion for the open mic) with professionally lit stage bigger than the Improv, it would seem that the Ground Zero would be a dream setting to work out material in a free 7 minute spot. However, there are a few trade-offs. This is the only open mic in ALL of the greater Los Angeles metropolitan area that does not have a host, which keeps the audience “cold” between performers (no one brings up the next act), not to mention that a voice in the dark asks for your name when you’re supposed to go up. Also, as this open mic is at USC, the show is biased towards student as there is a USC student sign-up 15 minutes before the Non-student sign-up, which can make it, on really busy nights, very hard to get on the list. Still, if you do manage to get on the list, its one of the closest things to performing in front of real people in a somewhat realistic setting and I would highly recommend it. Ground Zero USC is located, almost hidden, on the USC campus in between three dormitories (Marks Tower, Trojan Residence, and Marks Hall) next to Figueroa St., just a block north of Exposition Blvd (e-mail thecomedybureau@gmail.com if you need further assistance) will be on hiatus until Jan. 10 and then resume taking place every Monday w/USC student sign-up at 9PM/non-USC student sign-up 9:15PM/starting at 9:30PM.

2) The Lakers, though they will be on several TV’s this evening, are not in town tonight, so go out on a COMEDY CRAWL because comedy doesn’t call “techs” that ruin the game. Start off with Gravity Works w/Sarah Hyland @ Dragonfly 7:30PM $15, then Hamclown! @ The Mezz in the Alexandria Hotel (2nd Floor) 8:30PM FREE, Comedy Death Ray @ UCB Theatre 8:30PM $5 (stand by only), then Conan Showcase @ Hollywood Improv 10PM $14/2 item min.-$2.50/2 item min w/code: coshow/This show is sold out, but people do flake in LA…, then finish off the fastbreak with The Walsh Brothers Show @ UCB Theatre 11PM $5.

3) OPEN MIC RUN: BACK HOME IN LAHAINA 519 Carson St. #A, Carson, CA/Sign-up 6PM/Starts 7PM, BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE TOKYO @ SEÑOR FISH 422 E. 1st St., Los Angeles, CA (Little Tokyo/near Downtown)/Sign-up 6:30PM/Starts 7PM, WESTWOOD BREWCO 1097 Glendon Ave., Westwood, CA/Sign-up (lottery) 7:30PM/Starts 8PM, COFFEE GALLERY 2029 Lake Ave., Altadena, CA/Starts 8PM, MARTY’S/THE OPEN MIC 7351 W. Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA (walk up Martel past Big Mama’s and Papa’s)/5PM to 11PM/$5 cover/multiple sets allowed

4) Comedy Death Ray, or what some people refer to as “the people in LA that don’t suck”, just dropped “XMAS CD 2010”, a musical Christmas delight featuring people that can sing, that can’t sing, and people that can sing and choose to, for effect, sing poorly, but are all pretty damn funny, including: Garfunkel and Oates, Paul F. Tompkins, Jimmy Pardo, James Adomian and many more! Check it out/buy it/order it here. Also, check out the hilarious accompanying music video We Are the World 25.75 w/Kurt Russell.

5) I know you just read it up above, but the BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE TOKYO OPEN MIC is causing a little bit of mayhem tonight with, as I also have mentioned several times before, SPECIAL GUEST RYAN STOUT/JERRY BRANDT/$2 FISH TACOS. More etails above and at the link, so be there or be square… or really any number of equilateral polygons as there are all pretty boring.

6) Coming soon to the Comedy Bureau (yeah, there’s still more stuff coming because I love guys and comedy all that much): updated Comedy Maps with routes of active shows and recommended open mics, UPDATED DAILY!

7) The Comedy Bureau “Tip Its Hat” today to BARRY ROTHBART- “@barryrothbart Leslie Nielsen died doing what he loved most, being remembered for only the 1% of his career that involved word puns.” When not filming national televised commercials for Honda, Barry Rothbart makes his way throughout several “big” rooms in LA with ease, just like he does with absolutely hysterical anecdotes about his life ranging from filming in a nudist colony to trying to clumsily pick up ladies in the street. Transplanted from the East Coast, the Comedy Bureau is damn sure glad he’s over here now. Check out Barry’s blog, website, and twitter.

8) From the “You Should Have Been There” Lagoon-Reggie Watts-Fuck Shit Stack

9) “Quite the LIVE TWEETING extravaganza happened last night at an open mic as you can read here AND if you enjoyed it or any of the awesome features that this site has to offer, you can donate here.”-Ghost of Christmas “You Should Probably Donate to the Comedy Bureau”

10) A person asked me last night if I was going to break out the “holiday” material. As a large chunk of my material deals with horribly awkward social interactions with my family, I told her my “holiday” material is a pretty much the same as my “normal” material, which, incidentally, is how much I care about being topical.

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THE COMEDY BUREAU

Morning Debriefing 11/29/10

1) RIP Leslie Nielsen-Without Surf Ninjas, I don’t think I would have had a childhood.

2) You want a ‘Recession Special Sale’? Do you want a ‘Holiday Special Sale’? Well, forget both of those because probably the cheapest/best COMEDY CRAWL I’ve ever posted. So start saving with What’s Up Tiger Lily? @ Hollywood Studio Bar & Grill 8PM FREE, then Comedy Show @ The Cherry Pit 9PM FREE, then Keep It Clean @ 1739 Public House FREE, and feel like you’ve gotten your $5 dollars worth by ending the night with Crash Test @ UCB Theatre 11PM $5.

3) OPEN MIC RUN: LAUGH FACTORY 8001 W. Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA/Sign-up 5PM/Starts 6:30PM/10-15 spots available, CASEY’S 613 S. Grand Ave., Los Angeles, CA (downtown)/Sign-up (lottery) 7PM/Starts 8PM, CLUB 705 705 Pier Ave., Hermosa Beach, CA/Starts around 7PM, TRIBAL CAFE 1651 W. Temple St., Los Angeles, CA (Echo Park)/Starts 8PM, GROUND ZERO USC 615 Childs Way, Los Angeles CA (on USC campus between Marks Hall, Marks Tower, and Trojan Residence Hall Dorms)/USC Student Sign-up 9PM/Non-USC Student Sign-up 9:15PM/Starts 9:30PM, MARTY’S 7351 W. Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA (walk up Martel past Big Mama’s and Papa’s)/5PM to 11PM/$5 cover/multiple sets allowed.

4) Comedy Central just released its list of the best breakout comedians of 2010 and Comedy Bureau favorites Kyle Kinane and Chelsea Peretti (Reggie Watts too, though he’s NYC) made the list. Congratulations to them as they will all be featured on Comedy Central this Friday. Check back at the Comedy Bureau for more details.

5) The Big Trouble in Little Tokyo Open Mic PART 4 is TOMORROW NIGHT and we have RYAN STOUT coming down to perform as a very special guest. Yeah, that’s RYAN STOUT everyone. Plus a happy hour w/$2 fish tacos, $3 domestic/$4 imported beer, raffles a plenty, etc. Again, TOMORROW Sign-up 6:30PM/Starts 7PM/Señor Fish/422 E. 1st St. (Little Tokyo/near downtown).

5) The Comedy Bureau “Tips Its Hat” today to ANDY PETERS–

Hailing from Seattle, Andy now, luckily for us, Los Angeles his home and is a favorite all around the LA comedy circuit from the likes of the Hollywood Improv to the Hollywood Studio Bar and Grill. Absolutely “tearing it up” on stage with his fierce, irreverent style, one should never miss a chance to see Andy Peters perform. Your next chance will be tonight at Anthill Pub & Grille (C-215 Student Center, UCI, Irvine, CA ) 9PM FREE and at Comedy Juice @ The Hollywood Improv Dec. 1st 10PM $14/2 item min. Also be sure to check out his Website and Twitter.

6) From the “You Should Have Been There” Lagoon: Bill Hicks Play From Your Fucking Heart

7) So the Comedy Bureau will be at an open mic tonight, so THERE WILL BE LIVE TWEETING (oh, and it will be some fun as this open mic doesn’t have a host). I’ll be taking donations here. I mean, please give… here.

8) Getting ready for a show that takes place after an AA meeting this week. Somehow, I don’t think open mics help that much in this regard.

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THE COMEDY BUREAU

Morning Debriefing 11/27/10

1) I have to give credit once more to Shayne Michael and the energy he has put back into the iCandy open mic/K.A.S. Comedy Etc. Show. With being one of the longest running open mics in the LA area, iCandy/Coffee Haven has seen its share of highs and lows and with a new sound system and a revitalized format that keeps a good energy about the room (i.e. booked show, raffles, etc.), comics who go to iCandy can expect to actually work on their material, which is the purpose of an open mic.

2) What better way to get into the holiday spirit than going to a run of shows that include the words: milk, asssscat, boners, back room, and family. THUS, don’t miss tonight’s COMEDY CRAWL with Two Milk Minimum @ Flappers Burbank 12:30PM $10/2 item min., then Space Boners Gives Thanks! @ Silverlake Lounge 7PM FREE, then ASSSSCAT @ UCB Theatre 8PM $10 (stand by only), then The Back Room @ UCB Theatre 10PM $10, and finish with Ron Lynch and Craig Anton host a Tomorrow! Family Thanksgiving @ Steve Allen Theater MIDNIGHT $8.

3) OPEN MIC RUN: LAUNDROMIC 1054 Vine St. Los Angeles, CA/Starts 4PM, WESTSIDE COMEDY THEATRE 1323-A 3rd St (in alley between 3rd and 4th)/Sign-up (lottery) 6PM/Starts 6:30PM/3-5 min., SUNSET GRILL 7439 W. Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA/Starts 7PM, MARTY’S/THE OPEN MIC 7351 W. Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA (walk up Martel past Big Mama’s and Papa’s)/5PM to 11PM/$5 cover/multiple sets allowed.

4) As it was brought to my attention, even though I knew I needed to get around to it, the “Bureau Approved” page is updated again with a section for shows and open mics. Also, the “Calendars” page got updated with Comedy Store Line-ups and link directly to the Largo Calendar. I might be running out of ways to make this easier for you guys… I’m just sayin’.

5) The Comedy Bureau “Tips Its Hat” today to PAUL DANKE “@pauldanke every black friday, I get up early, go to best buy, and when the doors open. I rob the shit out of people’s cars. #IPODSFOREVERYONE” When not chilling back in his jean jacket, Paul Danke absolutely rips it on stage. According to several sources, Danke closed out the Holy Fuck! One Year Anniversary like a hero, which is certainly no surprise to the Comedy Bureau. Going up all around town as well as his own fantastic show The Comedy Garage (run with Cornell Reid and Sean Green), Paul has definitely earned his praise for his stand-up as well as doing featured blogging for FunnyorDie.com. You can witness Paul Danke tomorrow at French Toast @ Taix 8:30PM FREE or on his blog The Art of Coming Off Casual or his amazing Twitter.

6) From the “You Should Have Been There” Lagoon: Michael Keaton does Stand-up

7) Donate here. Live Tweeting here. Donate here. Live Tweeting here. (insert catchy jingle that’s so catchy you would actually do either or both of the two)

8) On the subject of handling hecklers: Why is there the type of heckler who interrupts your set and then applauds and congratulates you after you yell at him for 4 minutes ripping him to shreds as a person? There should be a new subcategory of psychological disorders in DSM IV that addresses this.

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THE COMEDY BUREAU

Morning Debriefing 11/26/10

1) Forget Black Friday-Jimmy Pardo’s “Pardcast-a-Thon” kicks off 6PM TONIGHT for 12 hours straight having all proceeds go to Smile Train benefiting extremely underprivileged children who need cleft palate surgery regain their smile as well as the ability to speak properly, eat, and lead a normal life (not that comedians really know what that’s like). There will be tons of big guests as well as Jimmy Pardo himself, so tune in for some laughs/charity here.

2) Seriously, forget Black Friday and all those relatives that you’re trying to buy cheap gifts to keep up appearances. Instead go on a COMEDY CRAWL that’s not even that long with Lettuce Entertain You (w/Stand Up) @ UCB Theatre 8PM $10, Hot Toddy @ iO West 9:30PM (Del Close)/11:30PM (Main Stage) $5.

3) OPEN MIC RUN: UCB THEATRE 5919 Franklin Ave., Hollywood, CA/Sign-up (lottery) 6PM/Starts 6:30PM/10 spots available, iCANDY 1708 E. Broadway, Long Beach, CA/Sign-up 6PM/Starts 7PM/$3 min., SILVERLAKE LOUNGE 2906 W. Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA/Sign-up (lottery) 6:30PM/Starts 7PM MARTY’S 7351 W. Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA (walk up Martel past Big Mama’s and Papa’s)/5PM to 11PM/$5/multiple sets allowed

4) The Ultimate Free and Cheap LA Comedy List 11/28-12/4. Yeah, it’s real. Thanks Wisepix.

5) Brendon Walsh was on Conan last night. I missed it because I have lost all concept of time and don’t have a DVR. Fortunately TeamCoco.com are good people and have his set right here.

6) The Comedy Bureau “Tips Its Hat” today to JERRY BRANDT-@HateJerryBrandt- Awkward Thanksgiving phone conversation with my Dad is done…we can now go back to ignoring each other until Christmas. Over the last year, Jerry Brandt has made his indelible/bitter/funny mark on the “Long Beach Comedy Scene” as well as the rest of LA with his monthly show, “The Happy Tiki Comedy Show @ The Puka Bar” and his weekly podcast “Drinking Buddies” with awesome co-host Chris Adams recorded at CSULB. Though his twitter handle is @HateJerryBrandt, he certainly only wants to hate himself in the most self-deprecating, hilarious way possible. Upcoming Shows include: Big Trouble in Little Tokyo @ Señor Fish 11/30 8PM FREE and Ultimate Laff Down @ Khoury’s 11/2 8:30PM/$7/$10 food-drink min. Be sure to check out his Website and Twitter.

7) From the “You Should Have Been There” Lagoon: Lenny Bruce-All Alone.

8) The Comedy Bureau is a single man (in every sense of the term) and LIVE TWEETS as an entire agency HERE.

9) You’re saving SOOOOO much money today so you can donate to the Comedy Bureau, right? Please prove this statement true here.

10) Literally, driving home last night, the freeway was already clogged with traffic for Black Friday. I will, for the first time, feel like I’m having a better time than “real people” at an open mic.

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THE COMEDY BUREAU

Post Brunch Update 11/23/10

1) Just like “Depression-a-palooza”, “Can You Tell If I’m Kidding? Comedy Show” @ The Edge of the Roof of a 13 Story Parking Garage was also a notable failure. None of that matters though as BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE TOKYO is TONIGHT! Well, as much trouble as comedy, japanese snack foods, $2 fish tacos, $3 domestic/$4 imported beer, and Russell Corona and I can cause… Sign-up 6:30PM. Starts 7PM. Señor Fish, 422 E. 1st St. in Little Tokyo (near downtown).

2) Tonight’s COMEDY CRAWL is not only a big one with some KICKASS shows, but it’s also incredibly easy on the wallet (i.e. you won’t have to eat at Taco Bell tonight). Don’t believe me? try Sweet and Sour Comedy @ Genghis Cohen 7PM $5/Free for comics, then Comedy Death Ray @ UCB Theatre 8:30PM $5 (stand-by only), then Amuse and Abuse @ Esquire Bar & Lounge 8:30PM FREE, HOLY FUCK! ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY @ Downtown Independent Theater 9PM FREE, Liquid Courage @ Hollywood Improv 10PM $14/2 item min, then finally WitStream LIVE @ UCB Theatre 11PM $5, and go eat a steak because you can afford it (unless you’re really poor like me and buy food with change).

3) OPEN MIC RUN: BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE TOKYO @ SEÑOR FISH 422 E. 1st St. in Little Tokyo (near downtown)/Sign-up 6:30PM/Starts 7PM, COFFEE GALLERY 2029 Lake Ave., Altadena, CA/8PM, WESTWOOD BREWCO 1097 Glendon Ave., Westwood, CA/Sign-up (lottery) 7:30PM/Starts 8PM, MARTY’S/THE OPEN MIC 7351 W. Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA (walk up Martel past Big Mama’s and Papa’s)/5PM to 11PM/$5/multiple sets allowed

4) The submissions for Tig Notaro’s Untitled Comedy Tour HAVE BEEN EXTENDED. Post a two minute video of why your “living arrangement” is worthy of Tig Notaro and her friends here and you might have a damn fine LIVE comedy show exactly where you live.

5) As I mentioned, Schtick or Treat was one of the best times I had at comedy show, especially since I got to the privilege to perform. If you missed this amazing once-a-year comedy extravaganza, check out all the highlights right here.

6) The Comedy Bureau “Tips Its Hat” today to Andrew Dewitt. Andrew posted a video of him opening an “Assassin’s Creed Brotherhood: Collector’s Edition Box Set” alone in a basement on his birthday… IN 3 PARTS. It’s pretty damn fantastic, check it here. Andrew came up through the stand up comedy ranks in Chicago and now made his way here in Los Angeles performing all around town. Check out his awesome blog Dorksplosion here.

7) As people constantly ask me, “How do I get ‘Tip of the Hat’ from the Comedy Bureau?” I’ll let you know exactly how I run this fancy little operation. Everyday, I check Twitter, Facebook, and Tumblr for tweets, status updates, videos, blog quotes, etc. for the best little gems in comedy in LA. Going from Midnight to Midnight in a single day, I make a short list and then, from there, determine who gets the “Tip of the Hat” and is featured here at the Comedy Bureau along with their twitter, website, blog, etc. So, if you want a “Tip of the Hat”, get to tweeting, facebooking, blogging, youtubing, etc. because I’ll be on the lookout (as I slowly realize that I have less and less of a life). Also, any “Tips of the Hat” will be permanently placed in the “Tip of the Hat Archive” which I just created right here.

8) I know you guys love the blog as much as I love writing it, so give me the opportunity to MAKE IT EVEN BETTER by donating here.

9) Back to LIVE TWEETING and actually going out. Check out if my new “Social Network” material works out here.

10) The Comedy Bureau stats: 92 people like it on Facebook, 49 followers on Twitter, and 30 followers on Tumblr. Only 499,999,829 people to take down Facebook, or at least I think so.

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THE COMEDY BUREAU

Morning Debriefing 11/22/10

1) Depression-a-palooza @ my own head, basically, is something you never want to go to. Last night was the first time I didn’t go out in several months and let’s just hope this doesn’t happen too frequently, mostly because drinking alone is never a pleasant experience (i.e. I tweeted, “Apparently, I’m the star of Home Alone 7: It’s Your Own Fault Because You Won’t Try Online Dating. #straighttovideo #diealone #samething).

2) COMEDY CRAWL Cartoon Dump @ Steve Allen Theater 8PM $10, Tig Notaro’s Untitled Comedy Tour @ Largo 8PM $20, Dame Funny @ Jon Lovitz Comedy Club 8PM $20/2 drink min., What’s Up Tiger Lily? @ Hollywood Studio Bar & Grill 8:30PM FREE, Melgard Mondays @ Melgard Public House 9PM FREE, Keep It Clean @ 1739 Public House 10PM FREE

3) OPEN MIC RUN: CLUB 705 705 Pier Ave., Hermosa Beach, CA/7PMish, CASEY’S 613 S. Grand Ave., Los Angeles, CA (downtown)/Sign-up (lottery) 7PM/Starts 8PM, TRIBAL CAFE 1651 W. Temple St., Los Angeles, CA (echo park)/8:15PM, GROUND ZERO USC 615 Childs Way, Los Angeles, CA (on eastern most side of USC campus/in between dormitories)/USC student sign-up 9PM/non-USC student sign-up 9:15PM/Starts 9:30PM, MARTY’S/THE OPEN MIC 7351 W. Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA (walk up Martel past Big Mama’s and Papa’s)/5PM to 11PM/$5/multiple sets allowed.

4) Tig Notaro’s Untitled Comedy Tour is taking submissions to come to your house/apartment/living space. Just make a 2 minute video and post it on facebook here to have a chance to have Tig Notaro and her friends have a friggin’ comedy show in your backyard/living room/where you don’t sleep in your living space.

5) Big Trouble in Little Tokyo Open Mic is tomorrow night. Last week I gave away cheeseburger shaped cookies and a 15-min. drop in spot. WHO KNOW WANTS GOING TO HAPPEN THIS WEEK?!?!? Show up and find out. Sign-up 6:30PM. Starts 7PM @ Señor Fish, 422 E. 1st St. in Little Tokyo.

6) The Comedy Bureau "Tips Its Hat” today to ANDRÉS DU BOUCHET for this amazing two-part tweet: “@dubouchet Having accomplished every goal I’ve set for myself (Andres points to blank sheet of paper), I now intend to relax for 30-40 years. I pointed to the wrong paper in that last tweet. HERE’S my list of goals! (pointing to napkin on which I’ve written "HI ANDRES!” in ketchup).“ Andrés currently and deservedly writes for Conan here in LA. Here’s his site/blog here and then you can follow him on Twitter here. DO IT NOW!!!

7) Coming soon to the Comedy Bureau: "Tip of the Hat” Archive and everything and anything that’s “Bureau Approved” featuring everything that’s already been featured so all of you fine folks can find it quite easily instead of digging through all of these posts like I do.

8) I wouldn’t be asking for a donation if I wasn’t currently writing this blog on my bed. Please donate to the Comedy Bureau so we can change this (mostly for a bigger bed).

9) Planning to watch Social Network today, then write 5 minutes on it. Instead of being on the cutting edge with the latest news, I like being “dollar theater” topical, though I may need to start a show at a dollar theater for it to work.

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THE COMEDY BUREAU

Morning Debriefing 11/18/10

1) Due to legal reasons, there will be something written here in March 2011.

2) If you were able to make it to the 11 shows I posted yesterday, this should be a breeze, that is, if you killed you’re doppelganger clones. Tonight’s COMEDY CRAWL: The Super Serious Show @ Smashbox Studios 7PM $15/Free Beer, then Jimmy Dore and Friends @ Flappers Burbank 8PM $12/2 drink min., then The Josh and Josh Show @ Bar Lubitsch 8PM FREE, then Comedy Speakeasy @ TSR Lounge 8PM (call 323-568-1616 for details/to be in audience), then Comedy90210 @ Roxbury Cafe (459 N. Roxbury Dr., Beverly Hills, CA) 8PM $5, then The Joe Braza Comedy Invitational Finals @ The Seafood Shack 8:30PM FREE, then The Charlyne Yi Show (she was on Conan last week and I didn’t post it like I should have right here) @ UCB Theatre 9:30PM $5, then WTF? w/Greg Berman @ Flappers Burbank 10PM $12/2 drink min.

3) OPEN MIC RUN: SANDWICH SPOT 3101 Ocean Park Ave., Santa Monica, CA 7PM, HOLLYWOOD HOTEL 1760 N. Vermont Ave., Los Angeles, CA/7PM, CAFE ON 2ND 7 S. 2nd St., Alhambra, CA/Sign-up 7PM/Starts 7:30PM/$3 cover/10 min., SIPOLOGY 448 E. Broadway, Long Beach, CA/Sign-up 7PM/Starts 8PM/Must work clean and no material about religion or politics, TKO SHOW @ 212 CAFE 212 Pier Ave., Venice, CA 9PM, MARTY’S/THE OPEN MIC 7351 W. Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA (walk up Martel past Big Mama’s and Papa’s)/5PM to 11PM/$5 cover/multiple sets allowed.

4) The Comedy Bureau “Tips its Hat” to Aparna Nancherla today. @aparnapkin “found out that the sound of one hand clapping is me patting myself on the back. #selfcongratulatoryphilosophy” Follow her “musings and amusings” on Twitter here or her blog here.

5) Though Reggie Watts is mainly NYC performer, he’s in town for the week as shown here on Conan. His show at Largo is sold out tonight, but there is a large segment of the LA population that tends to flake out, so show up and maybe you’ll have a chance.

6) The Comedy Bureau would like to welcome a new member in its Chain of Command: Field Liaison Jeremy Paul. Let the title take you wherever you want it to, but Jeremy would like you to know that his dick stays hard and HE JUST DON’T GIVE A SHIT. Once more, welcome to The Comedy Bureau, Jeremy Paul.

7) The Comedy Bureau is out and about in the best and worst of Los Angeles and the Greater LA Metropolitan Area to tell you good decent folk where to go and where to never ever even dream about going in LA Comedy. Find out what’s going on via LIVE TWEETING here.

8) Basically, if you’re not bent on world destruction or don’t think that Dane Cook is what smart comedy sounds like, you should donate to The Comedy Bureau, so we can make those two things never ever happen. Accomplish this right here.

9) Again, due to legal reasons, there will be something written here in March, perhaps a few weeks earlier for reasons I’m also legally not allowed to discuss.

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THE COMEDY BUREAU

Morning Debriefing 11/16/10

1) Performing at Keep it Clean Comedy @ 1739 Public House was one of the best times I’ve ever had doing stand-up. With a crowd intent on listening (minus one of the supporting actors from Eastbound and Down that was wasted in the back of the bar), a perfectly darkened room with a spotlight that’s actually not blinding, and Matt Braunger absolutely “killing” it before I have to close the show, I/The Comedy Bureau actually had fun, as amazing hostess JC Coccoli suggested I do. As people already like coming down to 1739 Public House for the 64+ beers on tap/that hip Los Feliz atmosphere, the audience is surprisingly receptive to comedy as they were last night with the great line-up of Margie Kment (French Toast), Jono Zalay, Giulia Rozzi (Kimmel), April Richardson (Chelsea Lately), Matt Braunger (Letterman), and myself/Jake Kroeger/Bureau Director of the Comedy Bureau. Also, if everything else I just mentioned wasn’t enough of an incentive, this show is completely FREE and thus you should come to an edition of Keep It Clean Comedy. Keep It Clean Comedy: Every Monday at 1739 Public House (1739 N. Vermont Ave. in Los Feliz). Free.

2) It’s a Little Big COMEDY CRAWL tonight with a light spread of some pretty BIG, fantastic shows. Oxymorons aside, start off with Shits & Giggles @ Club 8572/The Palms 7:30PM $10, then Laughing Skull Comedy Festival Showcase @ Hollywood Improv 8PM/10PM $10/2 item min., then Matty Ballgame’s Laugh Lounge: Writers of Conan Edition @ Red Rock Eatery & Lounge 8:15PM FREE, then Comedy Death Ray @ UCB Theatre 8:30PM $5 (stand-by only), and finish with Stripped Stories @ UCB Theatre 11PM $5

3) OPEN MIC RUN: BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE TOKYO @ SEÑOR FISH 422 E. 1st St. Los Angeles, CA (Little Tokyo/Downtown)/Sign-up 6:30PM/Starts 7PM, COFFEE GALLERY 2029 Lake Ave., Altadena, CA/Starts 8PM, WESTWOOD BREWCO 1097 Glendon Ave., Westwood, CA/Sign-up (lottery) 7:30PM/Starts 8PM, MARTY’S/THE OPEN MIC 7351 W. Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA (walk up Martel past Big Mama’s and Big Papa’s)/5PM to 11PM/$5.

4) Today the Comedy Bureau “Tips Its Hat” to Josh Haness and also wishes a damn fine birthday. RT @fuzzyjosh This month is National Spousal Abuse/Rape Awareness Month. It is being referred to as “No means NO!vember”. Follow him on Twitter here. Don’t miss his weekly show at Bar Lubitsch, “The Josh and Josh Show” on Thursdays at 8PM.

5) I know I said it already, but BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE TOKYO OPEN MIC is tonight and you need to be there to witness a whirlwind of comedy, cheap fish tacos, cheap beer, and raffles a plenty. Señor Fish, 422 E. 1st St. in Little Tokyo/Downtown. Sign up 6:30PM/Starts 7PM. LET’S WREAK SOME HAVOC without breaking anything.

6) The Comedy Bureau’s reach just got a little longer. In a good way. We’re on the national comedy forum “A Special Thing” now, which will just lead you back to here, again, in a good way.

7) Comedy adventures with the Comedy Bureau every night LIVE TWEETED here. Follow as I go anywhere from comedy purgatory to comedy hell (surprisingly large area in LA) to normalcy. Again, right here.

8) “Donate to the Comedy Bureau. This is actually a good cause.” -a good person. Listen to this person and donate here.

9) I’m actually happy, which means it’s time to test that common theory that comedy will suffer due to feeling good about yourself…

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Post Brunch Update 11/14/10

1) “Hook-Up w/Ron Lynch” @ The Steve Allen Theater in all its chaotic hilarity actually spreads an air of actually wanting to “hook-up” as I saw several people, not on the show, exchanging numbers after the show. Host Ron Lynch takes the format of the classic “Dating Game” and nostalgically puts it through a blender to come out with an uproarious live comedy show. There’s an on-call bartender, Davey Johnson as a stressed out stage manager, Brady Novak as a warm-up guy who doesn’t think his career is going to work out, Cornell Reid as the warm-up to the warm-up guy, Randy Liedtke as a psychic/stage hand, “speed rounds” of questioning that no one has ever gotten right, and then the actual questioning of bachelors and bachelorettes for a REAL date. The packed Steve Allen Theater was rolling in laughter the entire time and definitely felt the love. "Hook-Up w/Ron Lynch“ takes the place of the Tomorrow Show at the Steve Allen Theater (4773 Hollywood Blvd., Los Angeles, CA [Los Feliz]) once a month. Midnight $8. Check back at the Comedy Bureau for the next one.

2) I should really go with Comedy Triathlon, but COMEDY CRAWL is catchier and less intimidating. See how much laughter you can handle starting off with LIAR @ Flappers YooHoo Room 7PM $10/2 drink min., then Chatterbox Comedy Night @ Chatterbox 8PM FREE, then French Toast @ Taix 8:30PM FREE, then Comedy Revival @ Comedy Store Belly Room 8:30PM $5/2 drink min., then Top Story Weekly @ iO West 9PM $5/21 and over only, and cross the finish line at Sunday Sunday Sunday @ The Improv Space 9:30PM FREE.

3) OPEN MIC RUN: LIBRARY CAFE 800 N. Vermont Ave., Los Angeles, CA 5PM (going to check this one out today), SUNSET GRILL 7439 W. Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA 7PM/one item min., MARTY’S/THE OPEN MIC 7351 W. Sunset Blvd, Hollywood, CA 5PM-11PM/$5 cover.

4) The Comedy Bureau is calling an audible by switching it’s Twitter Tip of the Hat to a Tip of the Hat of anything twitter/facebook/video/etc./etc. that’s worthy of mention. Today’s tip of the hat goes to the hilarious and incredibly bold Asterios Kokkinos. Perhaps "bold” isn’t the right word, but judge for yourself by watching him pitch horrible script ideas at a pitch convention here.

6) REVIEWS relinked. Just like I promised, though I broke probably 10 other promises in the promise, but when they’re promises to yourself that you would finish this post by 11PM, it’s OK, right? Again, updated reviews here.

7) Big Trouble in Little Tokyo 2nd Edition, this Tues. Nov. 16th @ Señor Fish. Shameless promotion tactic #13: Raffling off random Japanese Food Item. Sign Up 6:30PM, Starts 7PM. 422 E. 1st St. Do not miss.

8) The Comedy Bureau has “mission objectives”. See if it completes them via his twitter account right here.

9) Be the 2nd Person ever to donate to the Comedy Bureau and go down in history. Seriously. Doubt it? Only one way to find out… DONATE.

10) I’m just going to say being a nice guy both won and was funny last night. Usually, it’s just funny and then nobody wants to hear how sad it is several months later.

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Morning Debriefing 11/13/10

1) The Garfunkel and Oates Hour @ UCB Theatre took me by surprise, in the best way possible, even when I expected the “unexpected”. Having already seen the lovely and talented duo of Kate Micucci and Riki Lindhome separately, I suspected farcical/risqué songs from the unassuming, almost incongruous pair (Lindhome is a foot taller and plays guitar next to the petit Micucci who plays a ukelele). Yet, their abundant charm coupled with their cleverly worded and obscure reference-filled (John Donne and Spiro Agnew, just to name a few) songs about douchebags ruining the party, sex with animals, and the learning curve of hand jobs, was far past anything I had in mind for the evening. AND THEN… Justin Long, who, according to Lindhome, has only been in Herbie: Fully Loaded, read published poems by Michael Madsen that could be described as transcendent… via a certain, horrible, undeserving self-importance. One of the poems is merely about watching out for “the shit” because it’s “everywhere”. It was another thing in the Garfunkel and Oates Hour that completely blindsided me as I usually don’t expect much out of big-shot actors performing live comedy. The Garfunkel and Oates Hour is every 2nd Friday of the month at the UCB Theatre, 5919 Franklin Ave. 8PM/$10. They also perform at several other venues/dates around LA. Check back at the Comedy Bureau for details.

2) Yeah, I know it’s Saturday and Manny Pacquiao is going to beat whatever daylights that Antonio Margarito has left in him, which is EXACTLY the point. I KNOW THAT’S GOING TO HAPPEN. There’s no suspense left, which is why you should go see some great live comedy instead. Tonight’s COMEDY CRAWL starts off with Jimmy Dore @ Flappers Claremont 8PM/10PM $15/2 drink min., then B.O.R.E.D. Tour starring Mike Phirman @ Flappers Burbank-YooHoo Room 9:30PM $10/2 drink min., then Nick Kroll Does Comedy @ UCB Theatre 10PM $10 (stand by only), then The Twelve Shiny Nickels Show @ The Fake Gallery 11PM $5, then Showbizzle.com’s Last Call Comedy @ Hollywood Improv 11:30PM $14/2 item min., then Midnight Madness @ The Hollywood Laugh Factory 11:59PM $20/2 drink min., and then finish strong with a knockout at Ron Lynch’s Tomorrow! presents HOOK-UP! @ The Steve Allen Theater MIDNIGHT $8.

3) OPEN MIC RUN: MARTY’S 5PM to 11PM/$5 cover/7351 W. Sunset Blvd. (walk up Martel past Big Mama’s and Papa’s), SUNSET GRILL 7PM/one item min./7439 W. Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA, BURBANK MOOSE LODGE 7:30PM/1901 W. Burbank Blvd. Call (818)-843-0284 before going as I’ve never tried this mic before.

4) Today’s Comedy Bureau’s Twitter Tip of the Hat goes to JIM HAMILTON. “@Jim_Hamilton I don’t know what to wear this time of year, because the only clothes I own are Hypercolor shirts and Christmas sweaters.” Follow him and some of the best one-liners in LA here.

5) The Greater LA Open Mic Map has been updated, specifically put in order by day and time so it’s EVEN EASIER for any and all of you aspiring/working/making-it comics wanting to find an open mic. Any listings without details are as such because I have yet to actually go there and see how horrible/tolerable it is. More info on each individual room to be added soon. Check all of the above here.

6) That REVIEWS archive I promised, right here. Everything will be re-linked tomorrow, mostly so I have something else to write about.

7) Follow the Comedy Bureau on its not-all-that-secret mission to bring great comedy out to the deserving public on twitter as it live tweets every night. Do so right here.

8) I wonder what a Comedy Bureau jingle would sound like… support/donate and find out here.

9) I convinced someone to try stand-up last night and I can’t help but wonder if I did a bad thing… He might have been President, but now he’ll try to be one of us wondering what angle about the President hasn’t been explored at an open mic. Luckily, I don’t believe in karma.

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Post Brunch Update 11/9/10

1) IT’S HERE (fear/surprise)! The Big Trouble in Little Tokyo Open Mic @ Señor Fish is tonight and it’s definitely going to be something that Jack Burton COULDN’T HANDLE! Not to REALLY worry, as I, Comedy Bureau Director Jake Kroeger, is on the case along with some guy named russell corona too. The brilliant Joe Braza and sensational Lauren Rochelle will be gracing our stage for this awesome inaugural night. Raffle for 2 “15 min. drop in spots” the following week, $2 damn good fish tacos, a stage, 50 ft. cable, and some other aces up my sleeve that Jack Burton also couldn’t handle. 6:30PM Señor Fish. 422 E. 1st St., Los Angeles, CA. Come down, IF YOU DARE… (no, just come… it’ll be a great ol’ time, I swear…)

2) So those not lucky enough to witness the live tweeting at Marty’s/The Open Mic missed out on me doing jokes vs. a helicopter and though I tweeted otherwise, I won. My jokes beat out a HELICOPTER! This mostly means I made the four people watching me out on the patio laugh. Don’t worry. At Marty’s, there is an actual stage with various lounge and office chairs positioned intimately. In fact, with that patio/performing area, there are often times two stages going on AT THE SAME TIME, so you don’t have to wait that long before going up again. You also read that right, you get to go up more than once at Marty’s. You actually get to go up as many times as you want from 5PM to 11PM EVERYDAY to really tighten/break-in any aspect of your act. Even though there’s a $5 cover (which also affords you decent coffee and bottled water), going up several times a night on a given night during the week is invaluable. Marty’s/The Open Mic $5 5PM to 11PM/Everyday. 7351 W. Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA.

3) “What’s Up Tiger Lily?” @ Hollywood Studio Bar & Grill last night proved why it’s in the small company of the longest running independent comedy shows in LA. Simply,“What’s Up Tiger Lily?” has some of the funniest people not only in LA, but throughout the world (Louis CK has dropped-in), that you can see for absolutely free (no cover/no min./free parking). It will prove that Stand Up Comedy is very much alive, despite the impression one gets largely from TV and foul-mouthed shock and awe comics. Always exactly on-point with all his comedy, Matt Knudsen hosted this edition of “What’s Up Tiger Lily?” with some of comedy’s best that “leave-the-building-in-ruins” including Ryan Stout, Nick Kroll, Jamie Lee, Nicholas Rutherford, Doug Mellard, Dave Huntsberger, and Matt Champagne. I actually convinced a couple who weren’t there for “What’s Up Tiger Lily?” to stay and watch the show because the line-up was that damn good. "What’s Up Tiger Lily?“ Every Mon. 8PM. COMPLETELY FREE. Hollywood Studio Bar & Grill. 6122 W. Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA.

4) Yes there’s some Big Trouble in Little Tokyo, but there’s some safe, hilarious, good times elsewhere in LA on tonight’s COMEDY CRAWL. Start off with Sweet and Sour Comedy @ Genghis Cohen 7PM $5 (free for comics/message Abbey Londer for comp list), then go to Laugh for Sight @ Hollywood Improv 8PM $50/2 item min., then go to Comedy Death Ray 8:30PM $5 (stand by only), then Sausage and Smiles @ DiPiazza’s 9PM $5, then Blamblamblam @ R-Bar 9PM FREE, and finish off with Killing Room @ Palms/Club 8572 9:30PM $10.

5) If you’re again saying to yourself, "Inside, you win. I’m just going to stay at home,” you might have some issues that I can’t help and you should probably watch the second episode of Conan’s triumphant return to TV at 11PM on TBS, then watch another quarter of the awesome Southern Comedy Quartet, Rory Scovel on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon 12:35AM on NBC.

6) The Comedy Bureau would like to its relatively long reach, depending on how you look at our scope of LA Comedy, for a congratuations to Josh Covitt for winning X-ecution Improv Tournament and wishes him the best in making his way even further towards the top of the proverbial comedy mountain.

7) Support the Comedy Bureau because it supports you, that is, if you like LA Comedy. If not, well… just donate for taxes purposes/supporting the arts/doing your good deed for the day. Please.

8) Comedy Milestone: I’m so funny I got free dinner without even performing. Obviously, I haven’t had that many comedy milestones.

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Morning Debriefing 11/8/10

1) Tales of the Black Freighter @ R-Bar is what people should think of a LA comedy show, as opposed to what they might see at the Comedy Store and the Hollywood Improv on a given night. Located in the heart of K-town on 8th St., as opposed to the gentrified glitz of Wilshire Blvd., with several Mexican hole-in-the-walls and Korean BBQs, one walks into R-bar and is immediately transported into yet another state of mind with there being a password (that they will just give you) to enter the extremely intimate bar, an entirely dark wooded interior, and offerings of the Sazerac from the friendly, neighborly staff AND THEN, there’s a great comedy show. With Last Comic Standing Finalist James Adomian hosting and telling his version of Russian joke families, Eddie Pepitone, Karl Hess, Jimmy Dore, and Eric Andre gave the audience the complete fantastically opposite experience of a Hollywood comedy show. Details of the Tales of the Black Frieghter will come as the Comedy Bureau receives them, but there is another regularly scheduled, one-Tuesday-a-month live comedy show at R-bar (3331 W. 8th St., Los Angeles, CA) called Blamblamblam hosted by Matt Peters. Don’t miss the next one on this Tues. Nov. 9th at 9PM for FREE.

2) We still haven’t hit a night without a fantastic “Comedy Crawl” and tonight is certainly no exception. In fact, it’s going to one damn good night of comedy, that’s almost entirely free, on a daylight savings Monday that certainly needs it. Start off with some What’s Up Tiger Lily? @ Hollywood Studio Bar & Grill 8PM FREE, The Happy Tiki Comedy Show @ The Puka Bar 8:30PM FREE, Stand Up Comedy Night @ Old Towne Pub (66 N. Fair Oaks, Pasadena, CA) 10PM FREE, Keep It Clean @ 1739 Public House 10:30PM FREE, and finish it off with The Incubator @ UCB Theatre 11PM $5.

3) If anyone actually followed the live tweet of last night’s sojourn to Sushi King for the supposed midnight open mic, you would have found that they moved it to Tuesday. Personal sidenote: I don’t know how receptive Sushi King is to comedy if they ACTUALLY THOUGHT I was going to have sushi delivered from Hollywood to Long Beach after I showed up for a comedy open mic at midnight. Live tweeting tonight from Marty’s/The Open Mic at 5PM. Follow here.

4) If you are opting to stay at home tonight, you better be watching the return of Conan O’Brien on TV/the world having hope or at least having some great fun before it goes down in flames. 11PM on TBS.

5) RT @ Braunger LA comics! @sarahtiana is collecting merch for the troops. Drop off your CDs, records, etc at the Improv, Comedy Store, and the Icehouse.

6) I’ll say it again: Greater LA Open Mic Map. Greater LA Comedy Landscape. Both now with buttons and will be updated regularly. I wish paying my overdue parking ticket was this easy.

7) DON’T HAVE FEAR even though there will be some Big Trouble in Little Tokyo with the Big Trouble in Little Tokyo Open Mic kicking off and kicking hard tomorrow night Tues. Nov. 9th at 6:30PM. Please don’t be square/no show. Come to Señor Fish, 422 E. 1st. St., Los Angeles, CA (I apologize. You can be square, but please come down because it will be “that” much greater if you do)

8) I could give you a million very depressing reasons that no one really needs to hear about what I go through to run the Comedy Bureau, but, instead, I’m just going to say, if you are able and willing, please donate here.

9) Walking for 2 hours around Koreatown, horribly alone, might just be a great way to get material, though I’m pretty sure writing, “You ever been so alone that you wished you’ve been mugged just to remind you of your existence?” isn’t really all that funny. It sounds “forced”, but I’ll find that out for sure at an open mic tonight.

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