1) Last night, instead of performing/watching comedy, I was pretty much coerced into going into my mother’s Christmas work party at the Hilton Alhambra (one of the most Asian-centric parts of town) as a form of Christmas family time bonding, which is simultaneously a horrible situation I have no desire of being in AND a great source for material, especially considering the honest, personal approach I take to my act. Knowing that everyone’s process of developing material for performing comedy is drastically different, I’d like to offer a glimpse into my own personal process where I draw directly from personal experience. Listed below is a series of tweets I wrote throughout the duration of the party/death march of boredom/worst quiz I have ever sat through that will probably turn into 1-2 minutes of material (will keep you updated on progress). Perhaps, all of these random 140 characters or less thoughts will become nothing, but, either way, this is where my my comedy writing process starts…
-Surrounded by first generation Asians in the patient care industry. Already feeling uncomfortable. Step 1 complete.
-I don’t know why I checked Asian/Paciic Islander on any application. I don’t relate to any of these people. #jokesomewhere
-I have more in common with the “table 8” sign than all the Asian people here as it doesn’t tell me, “Go to grad school.”
-Currently listening to lounge version of Girl From Impanema, which sounds like the original if it was dosed with Ambien.
-If someone asks if I do jokes about how I’m not an Asian doctor, I would consider them heckling me in conversation
-I’m uncomfortable with how Asian-centric this party is; I feel about as asian as Mickey Rooney in Breakfast at Tiffany’s
-“Go ahead and speak Asian! I wasn’t going to talk to you anyway!” something I want to say at this party.
-Yelling “I’m not Asian for fuck sakes” is a bad idea. Christmas Techno music… a much worst idea.
-Christmas parties like this make me understand why cyanide for human consumption was discovered. #toodark? #dontcare
-Someone who can barely speak English is giving speech; needs translator who speaks “shut the hell up I’m hungry as fuck”
-Knowing how to use chopsticks is about as Asian as I get. #igrewupinamerica #damnit #usausausa
-Phone was nearly dead and thus kept me from sharing my hate of this stupid party with the world.
-in a quiz for a prize in which the answer to why did Scrooge change his mind was because he cared about people #bullshit
-My answer to scrooge’s change of heart: fear of the proletariat rise #yeahimpretentious #ihatethisparty
-In a room full of Asians, the answer to How many planets are there in our solar system was somehow 9. #falsestereotypes
-“Tokyo is the most populated city, bitch and that motherfucker doesn’t deserve a TV.” Christmas brings out the best in us.
-Into hour 5 of this party and I just want to yell racial epithets so I can leave.
-Actual Riddle for TV: Harry died on land and people were happy, David dies on land and people were happier. Who are they?
-Answer to riddle in last tweet: they were typhoons. My answer: Go fuck yourself
-For big screen tv, we’re asked to pick out three distinct items in a picture of a bum and a volunteer. #whyamistillhere
-My next set of answers to this quiz are going to be shenanigans, gobbledygook , and complete and utter bullshit.
-It irks me to think why my Dad ever wonders why I appear to be angry on stage. #6hrparty
2) Going on tonight’s COMEDY CRAWL is a perfect alternative to going postal on people in the Grove parking structure because you want to show off this year at Christmas. Start off with Jeff Garlin’s Combo Platter @ UCB Theatre 6PM $2, then Eban Schletter’s Cosmic Christmas @ Glendale Planetarium 5PM/7PM $10, then Alonzo Bodden @ Brea Improv 7PM $17/2 item min., then Race Riot @ Hollywood Improv 7:30PM $14/2 item min., then ASSSSCAT @ UCB Theatre 7:30PM FREE, then Comedy Night @ Chatterbox 8PM FREE, then Please, Thank You, & You’re Welcome @ Bar Lubitsch 8:30PM FREE, then French Toast @ Taix 8:30PM FREE, then Top Story Weekly @ iO West 9PM $5, then The Comedy Crush Bad Sweater Holiday Show @ The Hollywood Improv 9:30PM $14/2 item min., then Sunday Sunday Sunday @ Improv Space 9:30PM FREE.
3) OPEN MIC RUN: PALMS 8572 Santa Monica Blvd., West Hollywood, CA/Starts 6PM, SUNSET GRILL 7439 W. Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA/Starts 7PM/one item min., SAL’S COMEDY HOLE 7356 Melrose Ave., Los Angeles, CA/Starts 6PM/one item min., MARTY’S/THE OPEN MIC 7351 W. Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA (walk up Martel past Big Mama’s and Papa’s)/5PM to 11PM/$5/multiple sets allowed
4) The Comedy Bureau Calendars is finally updated in full!!! Every single club listed actually goes to there Calendars/Upcoming shows page. All of the minor inconvenience that remained on that list is now completely GONE offering you ease in searching for shows in LA unless clicking is a “big deal” for you.
5) The Comedy Bureau “Tips Its Hat” today to JACKIE KASHIAN-“@jackiekashian I said to him, "so you’ve never done standup before?” he paused. a long time. “open mike?” he said, “well, I was on the bus this one time.” After heckling Sam Kinison many years ago, Jackie has never looked back in her vast and successful journey as a comedienne. Touring throughout the world and having been on TV several times, she shares her uproariously funny anecdotes about her dad, her husband, and herself. Thus, do not miss Jackie’s hilarious podcast Dorkforest or her website, blog, or Twitter.
6) From the “You Should Have Been There” Lagoon: Jon Stewart Stand Up (1996)
7) If you read the Twitter feed excerpt from above, I think you’ll agree with me in wanting to donate to the Comedy Bureau. Do so right here.
8) As I stride further and further into comedy, I seem to know less and less “real” people. The “jury” is still out on whether this is a good or bad thing. The Comedy Bureau will keep you updated on my/its sanity.
THE COMEDY BUREAU