westside comedy theatre – The Comedy Bureau

Morning Debriefing 12/29/10

1) Seriously, all irony aside, one great BIG thank you to everyone who came out to the Big Trouble in Little Tokyo Open Mic last night. IT WAS BLAST!! MATT KNUDSEN AND TONY SAM WERE A BLAST!!! EVERYONE WAS A BLAST!! In fact, management at Señor Fish has liked what we do so much that they’re putting an order in for a spotlight. How about that? The venue actually wanting to help the show. Again, thanks to all your support, only bigger and better things will come along for this room. NEXT WEEK ROUNDHOUSE KICKING THE YEAR OFF: JACKIE KASHIAN & ANDY PETERS!!! Don’t miss out ¼ @ Señor Fish!!!

2) Looking for a new year’s resolution, but don’t know exactly what to abstain from for a month? Perhaps you’ll get inspired at tonight’s COMEDY CRAWL with Lettuce Entertain You (with Stand Up) @ UCB Theatre 8PM $5, Women Who Kill @ Hollywood Improv 8PM $14/2 drink min. The Meltdown @ Meltdown Comics 8:30PM $8, Biscuits & Gravy @ Hollywood Improv Lab 8:30PM $5, Ed Galvez’s Punk House @ Westside Comedy Theatre 9PM $8, and Nighttime w/Dominic Dierkes @ UCB Theatre 9:30PM $5.

3) OPEN MIC RUN: SAL’S COMEDY HOLE 7356 Melrose Ave., Hollywood, CA/Starts 6PM/one item min., LIBRARY A COFFEEHOUSE 3418 E. Broadway, Long Beach, CA/Sign-up 8PM/Starts 8:30PM, CAFE ON 2ND (call 626 284 1292 before going) 7 S. 2nd St., Alhambra, CA/Sign-up 7PM/Starts 7:30PM/$3 min./10 min. guaranteed, MARTY’S/THE OPEN MIC 7351 W. Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA/5PM to 11PM/$5/multiple sets allowed.

4) Corollary to Pound for Pound Open Mics. Note: Open mics on the weekend are generally pretty rough to do and I usually try to do other things comedy wise, but if you insist on finding somewhere to perform, here are my recommendations.
Saturday: Westside Comedy Theatre-Though short on stage time, people do occasionally wander in.
Sunday: Marty’s/The Open Mic-You do have to pay $5 and there’s no real opportunity for real people to watch you, but you do get to perform as many times as you want as well as experiencing a very diverse crowd of comics.

5) Now a word from some commercial sponsors at T-mobile. OH LOOK… it’s Barry Rothbart. (Note: The Comedy Bureau doesn’t have any sponsors)

6) The Comedy Bureau “Tips Its Hat” today to JARROD HARRIS-“@JarrodHarris ‘Hey, everyone makes mistakes.’ – Wayne Harris: I’ll never ask my dad what it was like when I was born again.” Touring throughout the country as part of the Southern Comedy Quartet, Jarrod takes his very personal, painfully funny brand of comedy thankfully throughout the entirety of the Los Angeles comedy scene. You can actually check him out tonight on his show Biscuits & Gravy down at the Hollywood Improv Lab 8PM $5. Don’t miss out on his website, Twitter, or hilarious video series Action Figure Therapy.

7) From the “You Should Have Been There” Lagoon: Tracy Morgan Interview on Late Night w/ Conan O’Brien

8) Donate to the Comedy Bureau. Please x 10,000,000.

9) I’ve been writing for the Comedy Bureau for 2 months straight and just now realized it. I was really hoping it was a year before I had lost sense of time. Oh well….

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THE COMEDY BUREAU

Morning Debriefing 12/22/10

1) BIG THANKS to EVERYONE who made it out to BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE TOKYO @ SEÑOR FISH last night despite government issued warning of flash floods in the downtown LA area. Dedication and support like this is what makes “real people” say that this OPEN MIC is better than comedy clubs in the OC (claim from an audience member who didn’t know that there was comedy and stuck around until the end of the show). Special thanks once again to MARIANNE SIERK working her magic just like she does on decaf coffee. NEXT WEEK: PART 8 w/TONY SAM!!! AND MATT KNUDSEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2) Three days until Christmas and I’m still short on gifts. I’m going to do/see comedy about that instead of alleviating the problem and so should you. Tonight’s COMEDY CRAWL features Christmas Conspiracy @ UCB Theatre 8PM $5, Greg Proops’ Smartest Man in the World LIVE @ Bar Lubitsch FREE 8PM, Last Call Comedy @ Irvine Improv $15/2 item min., Thai Rivera @ Ontario Improv 8PM $10/2 item min., and Ed Galvez’s Punk House @ Westside Comedy Theatre 9PM $8, then go buy gifts at Rite-Aid because they’ll be open. And cheap.

3) OPEN MIC RUN: LIBRARY A COFFEEHOUSE 3418 E. Broadway, Long Beach, CA/Sign-up 8PM/Starts 8:30PM, CAFE ON 2ND (call 626 284-1292 before going) 7 S. 2nd St., Alhambra, CA/Sign-up 7PM/Starts 7:30PM/$3 cover/10 min., SAL’S COMEDY HOLE 7356 Melrose Ave., Hollywood, CA/Starts 6PM/one item min., MARTY’S/THE OPEN MIC 7351 W. Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA/5PM to 11PM/$5/multiple sets allowed.

4) One of the cleverest comics I know in Los Angeles, Aparna Nancherla, was recently interviewed on NPR. Though, the title of the post reads, “Rookie Comedienne Likes Her Chances in LA”, Aparna has a wit and mastery of word play that is deserving of being featured on NPR, which you should check out here.

5) One night, a drifter randomly called out to me, “Yo ASSWIPE!! You got any weed?” as I was walking to my car and, for whatever reason, I wish Larry David was there, not instead of me, but with me, so I could witness his brilliance in action. Here’s a bit of it as Larry David contributes to the NY Times w/ “Thanks for the Tax Cut”.

6) The Comedy Bureau “Tips Its Hat” today to ALISON AGOSTI: “@Just_Alison If you’re shopping at Brookstone for a last-minute gift, just don’t get that person anything. You obviously hate them.” "Former" podcaster that several people in the LA comedy community wish to resume her podcast “Live From a Shoebox”, Alison Agosti, though I’ve never personally had the pleasure of meeting her, has quite the delightfully dark sense of humor on Twitter that’s a joy to read everyday. Check back at the Comedy Bureau for details on if she resumes her podcasting duties and absolutely follow her on Twitter and/or her blog.

7) From the “You Should Have Been There” Lagoon: Ultimate 11 Worst Open Mic Comics-Weird Comic

8) I know that there’s a lot of people that are offering support to Biggest Mistake’s Jen Goldberg’s predicament in her “chipwich debt” to comedian Asterios Kokkinos, but if you have any surplus “support” in the form of donations from helping them out, the Comedy Bureau would greatly appreciate it being sent our way.

9) There is something significant to be said of the “jaded” quotient here in Los Angeles as many comics have moved on to New Year’s Resolution material only three days away from Christmas.

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THE COMEDY BUREAU

Morning Debriefing 12/18/10

1) Jokes from the Underground @ The Hollywood Improv Lab is simply the start of something good. Within the bounds of Hollywood where you can literally walk from one comedy venue to another, Jokes from the Underground manages to distinguish itself from just being another straight stand up show as one of the show’s producers Orlando Bishop told me that he wanted to have a show that no matter the circumstances, he and show producer/host Ed Greer would just enjoy the show themselves. The idea of booking a live comedy show based actually on who is legitimately funny and who will actually entertain any audience is seemingly becoming one of those “novel ideas”. Thus, there was a great variety of performers from all of the “sub-scenes” in comedy around LA county and beyond, which, as the show’s name suggests, proves that there are plenty of fantastic comics who don’t have a single TV credit that can “leave the place in a heap of dust” after their set. With such integrity in putting a comedy show together, Orlando and Ed actually got people to fight through traffic, rain, Christmas parties to actually have an audience on this first edition of Jokes from the Underground, which made it for a splendid evening both as an audience member and as one of the performers. Such a notion is yet another “novel concept”. With host Ed Greer living up to his Twitter handle @EdGreerDestroys, the intimate crowd at the Improv Lab enjoyed the likes of Zach Ames, Gabbriella Gatto, Gail Gramlich, Scott Bowser, Orlando Bishop, Charles Allen, Plug McEnroe, Jake Kroeger (yeah, that’s me, if you haven’t figured that out by now), and Paul Danke. It’s a line-up that shouldn’t be missed no matter how “underground” it is. Jokes From the Underground will be on one Friday a month at the Hollywood Improv Lab 8:30PM $5. Check back at the Comedy Bureau for details on the next one.

2) Tonight’s COMEDY CRAWL will probably be better than most Christmas gifts I get. This will be especially true if it’s another round of gift baskets from Hickory Farms and the actual bottom of the bargain bin at Best Buy. Start with Two Milk Minimum @ Flappers Burbank 12:30PM $10/2 item min., then go to Space Boners Christmas Spectacular @ Silverlake Lounge 7PM FREE, then Adam Carolla @ Irvine Improv 7PM/9PM $30/2 item min., then Bill Burr @ Brea Improv 7PM/9PM $20/2 item min., then This American Mistake @ Meltdown Comics 8PM $5, then Comediaplex @ Westside Comedy Theatre 9PM $10, then ASSSSCAT @ UCB Theatre 8PM $10, then Paul F. Tompkins Show @ Largo at the Coronet Theatre 8:30PM $25 SOLD OUT (in case you needed to know), then The Annual Christmas Sweater & Mustache Party @ The World Famous Comedy Garage 9PM Party 10PM Show FREE, then Hook-Up w/Ron Lynch @ Steve Allen Theater MIDNIGHT $8.

3) OPEN MIC RUN: SAL’S COMEDY HOLE 7356 Melrose Ave., Los Angeles, CA/Starts 6PM/one item min., WESTSIDE ECLETIC 1323-A 3rd St., Santa Monica, CA (in alley between 3rd and 4th St.)/Sign-Up 6PM/Starts 6:30PM, SUNSET GRILL 7439 W. Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA/Starts 7PM/one item min., MARTY’S/THE OPEN MIC 7351 W. Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA/5PM to 11PM/$5/multiple sets allowed.

4) Trick in LA Times. Seriously. If you were expecting a “PSYCHE!” here, you obviously don’t know what Brandie Posey’s and Emily Maya Mills’ Trick @ Bordello Bar 8PM FREE has in store. Read and find out WHY DON’T YA!?!

5) The Big Trouble in Little Tokyo Open Mic doesn’t take a holiday (mostly because we didn’t land on one). Next Tuesday, we have a special guest performance in THE LOVELY AND UPROARIOUS MARIANNE SIERK!!! Dec. 21st/Sign-up 6:30PM/Starts 7PM/Happy Hour until 9PM/You will FEEL empty for the rest of your life if you miss it/not really.

5) The Comedy Bureau “Tips Its Hat” today to EDDIE PEPITONE-“@eddiepepitone Greatest achievements- I once made a small lie into a crisis so big that I had to get plastic surgery done and relocate.” Eddie is in consideration nearly every day for a “Tip of the Hat” and it’s no surprise why as he’s one of the funniest people I have ever seen, which is why this is his second “Tip of the Hat”. From him yelling about people in Glendale to doing impressions of lounge singers that have Vietnam flashbacks, LA’s lucky to have Eddie Pepitone around. SO GO CHECK HIS WEBSITE and please, please, please follow him on Twitter.

6) From the You Should Have Been There Lagoon: Doug Stanhope-This Generation Sucks

7) Wonder where the Comedy Bureau’s going to be? Follow us/me on Twitter because we don’t have a Comedy Bureau “Light” and if you want one, donate here.

8) Sorry fo any typos that you may read here. In trying towrite and perform and do everything that you need to keep afloat in LA Comedy. I’minalittleofarush sometimes. T’anks for reading.

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THE COMEDY BUREAU

Morning Debriefing 12/15/10

1) It’s the nature of any comedy scene that shows come and go, but it’s a real tragedy to see a show put on by great people shut down. In the past week, two such shows, Sweet and Sour Comedy and The Akaaba Presents, reached their end of their runs due to the unfortunate circumstance that the greater Los Angeles metropolitan area is overrun with comedy shows as you can see in the “The Greater LA Comedy Landscape” Map. Abbey Londer (Sweet and Sour Comedy), Jeremy Paul & Joe Braza (The Akaaba Presents) are some of the funniest and best, most decent people I have come to know in LA comedy, but, most venues don’t really care about the intangibles of comedy so much as they care about turning a profit off of a show whether it’s well-produced and truly funny OR abusively-run and hacky. With a city overpopulated with live comedy shows/venues and the predominant perception of live comedy being loud-mouthed, rude, and completely uncouth that relies more on shock and x-rated content than any sort of comedic artistry, getting the average “real” person to a comedy show in LA is almost a miracle. To have things change in LA Comedy, and to even suggest this in times like these requires a serious lack of sanity, is to change people’s perceptions of what comedy really is or at least broaden their idea of it to include smart, insightful humor from incredibly hard-working and talented folks that perform night in and night out mostly for free. Most people aren’t even aware that “we”, (in case you are a real person that hasn’t met me personally, I’m one of “those” comics too) exist and I try to remedy that problem as much as I can through this blog and The Ultimate Free & Cheap LA Comedy List, but really, I’m only one guy with a laptop, a camera, an iPhone, and some decent material. Perhaps, in the coming year, the Comedy Bureau will grow to a big enough proportion where change can be affected through one fell swoop of me typing so I won’t have to worry about trying to see damn hilarious people like Abbey, Jeremy, and Joe live because their shows ended permanently. Check back here for progress on that front.

2) This entire week’s COMEDY CRAWL is seemingly jam packed before most shows go into hibernation for the holidays, so make sure you catch all the comedy you can before you stuck with a season of a TV show you didn’t want on DVD. Start with Merrillwood Live @ Paul G Gleason Theatre 7PM FREE, then Comedy on the Rocks @ Red Rock Bar & Eatery 7:30PM $5, then “If This Doesn’t Work I’m Moving Home” A Variety Hour Christmas Special @ Harlem Place Cafe 8PM FREE, then The Nerdist Presents “Comics You Should Know” @ Meltdown Comics 8:30PM $8, then Fix-Up Show @ ACME Comedy Theatre 8PM $15, then The Long Shot Podcast Season 2 Finale @ The Fake Gallery 8:30PM $5, then Ed Galvez’s Punk House @ Westside Comedy Theatre 9PM $8, then Beer in the Shower @ Whitehorse Cocktail Lounge Inn 9:30PM FREE, and finish with Anna Lee Lawson Comedy Hour @ Next Stage Theatre 11PM $5.

3) OPEN MIC RUN: CAFE ON 2ND 7 S. 2nd St., Alhambra, CA/Sign-up 7PM/Starts 7:30PM/$3 cover/10 min., THE SPOT CAFE 4455 Overland Ave., Culver City, CA/Sign-up (lottery) 7PM/Starts 7:30PM, THE BASEMENT 149 Linden Ave., Long Beach, CA/7PM to 8:30PM, LIBRARY A COFFEE HOUSE 3418 E. Broadway, Long Beach, CA/Sign-up 7:30PM/Starts 8PM, MARTY’S/THE OPEN MIC 7351 W. Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA/5PM to 11PM/$5/multiple sets allowed

4) Paul F Tompkins DVD “You Should Have Told Me” officially dropped yesterday on AST Records and, yes, you should have picked it up yesterday, but, now, you can make up for that by picking it up today.

5) The Comedy Bureau “Tips Its Hat” today to MATT CHAMPAGNE-Matt on his daily blog wrote his idea of what happens when saying “No” when asked for donations-
CASHIER: Would you like to give to St. Jude’s today?
CUSTOMER: No, actually I—
CASHIER: Oh really? All right. (Flips a switch, the sound of a fog horn is heard.) Folks, looks like we got a Grinch in our midst!
OTHER EMPLOYEES: Uh-oh.
(The other employees of the store stop their tasks and stare at the customer. They rest their arms at their side and slowly point at him while emitting a low, rumbling hum from the pits of their stomachs.)
CUSTOMER: Wait…hold on…
(A large door opens up in the ceiling and a big disgusting giant bat flies out with hair like big black pipe cleaners and eyes that never blink and a mouth looking for something to bite. The store goes crazy. The lights go out, people are screaming, flames start to erupt from under the floor, a large Rottweiler is set loose from a cage near-by and starts biting another customer’s leg, a hooded executioner runs through the store swinging his axe at people, shots are fired, someone gets maced, a woman starts screaming: “My baby! My baby!”, the floor opens up and people start falling in.)
CASHIER: See what you’ve done!
CUSTOMER: I was gonna say: “No, actually, I wanna give to the March of Dimes.”
Matt Champagne is simultaneously witty and insightful and then incredibly animated when he takes the stage, which is why he is a favorite of many rooms in LA. You can catch him live tomorrow at A Pint of Funny @ O’Brien’s Pub (2941 Main St., Santa Monica, CA) 8PM and you should never miss his daily thoughts in word form on his blog I Remain Champagne.

6) From the “You Should Have Been There” Lagoon: Norm MacDonald’s Final Appearance on Late Night with Conan O’Brien

7) I already made a plug for donations above, so…. I’ll just do it again here.

8) An elderly woman a few nights ago softly clasped my forearm and said, “I’m looking for a young Steven Wright.” I did walk away and was shocked by the, at least, 40 years age difference AND the fact she obviously never listened to anything I said because I don’t do one-liners.

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THE COMEDY BUREAU

Morning Debriefing 12/11/10

1) In the last few weeks, both Larry King and Steve-O (after working on his act with Dane Cook) have both announced upcoming stand-up comedy tours across the country, which continues a growing trend of people using their fame/celebrity to go on a stand-up comedy tour. Even, John Mayer has been known to “dabble” in stand-up also, though not embarking “on the road”… yet, which would make it seem that the way to “make it” involves staging a bank robbery, getting a show on Food Network as a “reformed convict” that made a new life through finding new ways to deep frying foods that aren’t meant to be fried, and THEN go on a stand up comedy tour as opposed to working on my act at open mics. Too bad, I actually love performing stand up comedy too much to do that.

2) Rather than walking throughout various Best Buys in Los Angeles County looking for that “criterion collection” DVD, go on tonight’s COMEDY CRAWL 2 Milk Minimum @ Flappers Burbank 12:30PM $10/2 item min., The Comedy Replacements @ Flappers YooHoo Room 7:30PM $10/2 drink min., ASSSSCAT @ UCB Theatre 8PM $10 (stand by only), Jackie Kashian @ Flappers Claremont 8PM/10PM $15/2 drink min., Andy Daly @ Hollywood Improv 8PM $18/2 drink min., Matt Champagne @ Downtown Comedy Club 8PM $10, Comedy Show @ Days Inn Glendale 9PM FREE, Jen Kirman Album Taping @ UCB Theatre 10PM $10 (stand by only), The Twelve Shiny Nickels Show @ The Fake Gallery 11PM FREE.

3) OPEN MIC RUN: WESTSIDE COMEDY THEATRE 1323-A 3rd. St. Promenade (in alley between 3rd and 4th St.)/Sign-up (lottery) 6PM/Starts 6:30PM, SUNSET GRILL 7439 W. Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA/Starts 7PM/one item min., MARTY’S/THE OPEN MIC 7351 W. Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA (walk up Martel past Big Mama’s and Papa’s)/5PM to 11PM/$5/multiple sets allowed.

4) Just like yesterday, Comedy Death Ray Nativity Pageant’s Auctions are still going for a few more days for the benefit of the LA Regional Food Bank. Go auction here for such exciting items as a private performance from Garfunkel and Oates to Brian Posehn and Steve Agee watching Steven Seagal with you to Sarah Silverman skyping with your family at Christmas to even a private performance from Maria Bamford. Also, like yesterday, I still can’t afford any of these bids as I’m going to the 99 cents store for the major portion of my Christmas shopping.

5) The Comedy Bureau “Tip Its Hat” today to ROB DELANEY-“Friends don’t let friends drive drunk, unless that friend FUCKED MY FIANCEE WHILE I WAS IN JAIL, MATT HALL YOU ALCOHOLIC CUNT.” Respected comedian and prolific tweeter Rob Delaney has almost 40,000 followers @robdelaney, which I almost can’t process as I only have 28. You can see Rob live next week at what will be one of the best shows of the week Sweet and Sour ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY/BIRTHDAY BASH @ Genghis Cohen Tues. Dec. 14th 7PM $5. Here’s Rob blog and his Twitter yet again.

6) From the “You Should Have Been There” Lagoon: Lewis Black-Starbucks

7) “The Comedy Bureau Donation Box has started collecting dust”-If we could afford a physical donation box. “Tweeted here.”-cheap attempt to gain followers on Twitter.

8) I’m pleasantly surprised that Miley Cyrus being legal and smoking weed is not that big of a trending topic online.

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THE COMEDY BUREAU

Morning Debriefing 12/4/10

1) ON THE SUBJECT OF HECKLERS (part 1), the Comedy Bureau would like to educate the general public that heckling is not a behavior that is in ANY way acceptable no matter what your set of circumstances you happen to be coming from. It’s not a way to make the show more fun or as some “brilliant” people I’ve overheard say, “I’m helping them.” At a comedy show, as an audience member, you are meant to sit and keep quiet and listen OR if you’re not into what’s being said, have enough respect for the person on stage trying to perform their act in what is (surprise surprise people that don’t think so) one of the hardest art forms ever conceived. There is a discrepancy when the show is at a venue where the audience did not come for the show, but simply to hang out at a bar with their friends and are subsequently being “subjected” to comedy. Even in this case, you always have the option of not listening. With that all being said, if you are a person who came to see the show WITH THE INTENTION of heckling, you are UNDENIABLE PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR A HUMAN BEING. In last night’s case, I had to deal with one of these “I am Heckler” types and realized that there’s a sadistic nature about the whole exchange. This person wants me to fail, to see me unravel as a performer, as if that is the way he will feel good about himself (sidenote: I don’t unravel. I deal with it and if you push me far enough, I’ll verbally rip you into enough shreds for confetti at New Year’s; ask Bobby Kern). As the show was at an “AA room”, I had reasoned that the guy felt like he earned the “privilege” to heckle as he was in AA and had as a common phrase among that crowd “been through a lot of shit”. Especially since the show was formatted to follow the AA meeting and we, the comedians, were not holding anyone “hostage”, I don’t care if you just came from a funeral; If you came to see the show, then simply don’t heckle. As comedians, whether we do this for a living or not, this is “work” for us and I will never go to the business where you are currently employed and say, “Did they warn you about us?” This concludes Part 1 of ON THE SUBJECT OF HECKLERS.

2) Steve-O is still headlining the Irvine Improv this weekend for whatever reason. For those of you that like to retain brain cells/your soul, go on tonight’s COMEDY CRAWL Two Milk Minimum @ Flappers YooHoo 12:30PM $10/2 item min., then Battleship Pretension @ Meltdown Comics 8PM $5, then The Thrilling Adventure Hour @ Largo 8PM $25, then The Twelve Shiny Nickels Show @ The Fake Gallery 11PM $5/21 and over, The Midnight Show @ UCB Theatre MIDNIGHT $5 (stand by only), then Tomorrow!!! w/Ron Lynch presents Crapshoot! @ Steve Allen Theater MIDNIGHT $8, and finish the night with your fist raised in the air a la John Carlos for supporting comedy that actually comedy, then actually good.

3) OPEN MIC RUN: ICE HOUSE OPEN AUDITIONS 24 N. Mentor Ave./Starts 4PM, WESTSIDE COMEDY THEATRE 1323-A 3rd St. Promenade, Santa Monica (in alley between 3rd St. and 4th St.)/Sign-up (lottery) 6PM/Starts 6:30PM./3-5 min., SUNSET GRILL 7439 W. Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA/Starts 7PM, MARTY’S/THE OPEN MIC 7351 W. Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA (walk up Martel past Big Mama’s and Papa’s)/5PM to 11PM/$5/multiple sets allowed.

4) Good news for all decent people around the world that aren’t the aforementioned “I am Heckler” types: Matt Braunger along with Brent Forrester (writer/producer on The Office) has just gotten a pilot order from Comedy Central!!! Check out more details here and the Comedy Bureau will keep you updated on its progress in development.

5) The wonderful duo of Garfunkel and Oates are both amazing and delightful. However, I think they would be amazing, delightful, and life-changing if they performed in my living room. I can’t afford that, but maybe you can by auctioning for a private show from Garfunkel and Oates right here. This is life-changing because it’s Garfunkel and Oates in the privacy of your own home AND all proceeds go to the Los Angeles Regional Food Bank.

6) The Comedy Bureau “Tips Its Hat” today to JIM HAMILTON-“@Jim_Hamilton With the stage covered in blood and lady halves, Boris realized why there aren’t more open mics for magicians.” Jim Hamilton gets the distinction of being the first person to get a second “Tip of the Hat” and with all of the beyond clever one-liners he has, Jim definitely deserves it. You can see him perform live and for FREE at one of the best shows in town this Tuesday, Dec. 7th at Holy Fuck! in the Downtown Independent Theatre (251 S. Main St., Los Angeles, CA) 9PM. I’ll probably say this several times throughout the course of the life of the Comedy Bureau: follow Jim Hamilton on Twitter here.

7) From the “You Should Have Been There” Lagoon-Bill Hicks’ Worst Gig Ever

8) If you missed the tweeting storm the Comedy Bureau had last night, check it out “open mic genius” quotes, etc. here and then donate because I drove from Long Beach to East LA to Fullerton to Garden Grove to Hollywood and back to Long Beach for comedy meaning all of you.

9) So in just over a month, 104 people like The Comedy Bureau on Facebook, 64 people follow The Comedy Bureau on Twitter, and 43 people follow us/really just me on Tumblr. Thanks everyone for reading and all the support because it’s only going to get better (especially if I make any money at this).

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THE COMEDY BUREAU

Morning Debriefing 11/27/10

1) I have to give credit once more to Shayne Michael and the energy he has put back into the iCandy open mic/K.A.S. Comedy Etc. Show. With being one of the longest running open mics in the LA area, iCandy/Coffee Haven has seen its share of highs and lows and with a new sound system and a revitalized format that keeps a good energy about the room (i.e. booked show, raffles, etc.), comics who go to iCandy can expect to actually work on their material, which is the purpose of an open mic.

2) What better way to get into the holiday spirit than going to a run of shows that include the words: milk, asssscat, boners, back room, and family. THUS, don’t miss tonight’s COMEDY CRAWL with Two Milk Minimum @ Flappers Burbank 12:30PM $10/2 item min., then Space Boners Gives Thanks! @ Silverlake Lounge 7PM FREE, then ASSSSCAT @ UCB Theatre 8PM $10 (stand by only), then The Back Room @ UCB Theatre 10PM $10, and finish with Ron Lynch and Craig Anton host a Tomorrow! Family Thanksgiving @ Steve Allen Theater MIDNIGHT $8.

3) OPEN MIC RUN: LAUNDROMIC 1054 Vine St. Los Angeles, CA/Starts 4PM, WESTSIDE COMEDY THEATRE 1323-A 3rd St (in alley between 3rd and 4th)/Sign-up (lottery) 6PM/Starts 6:30PM/3-5 min., SUNSET GRILL 7439 W. Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA/Starts 7PM, MARTY’S/THE OPEN MIC 7351 W. Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA (walk up Martel past Big Mama’s and Papa’s)/5PM to 11PM/$5 cover/multiple sets allowed.

4) As it was brought to my attention, even though I knew I needed to get around to it, the “Bureau Approved” page is updated again with a section for shows and open mics. Also, the “Calendars” page got updated with Comedy Store Line-ups and link directly to the Largo Calendar. I might be running out of ways to make this easier for you guys… I’m just sayin’.

5) The Comedy Bureau “Tips Its Hat” today to PAUL DANKE “@pauldanke every black friday, I get up early, go to best buy, and when the doors open. I rob the shit out of people’s cars. #IPODSFOREVERYONE” When not chilling back in his jean jacket, Paul Danke absolutely rips it on stage. According to several sources, Danke closed out the Holy Fuck! One Year Anniversary like a hero, which is certainly no surprise to the Comedy Bureau. Going up all around town as well as his own fantastic show The Comedy Garage (run with Cornell Reid and Sean Green), Paul has definitely earned his praise for his stand-up as well as doing featured blogging for FunnyorDie.com. You can witness Paul Danke tomorrow at French Toast @ Taix 8:30PM FREE or on his blog The Art of Coming Off Casual or his amazing Twitter.

6) From the “You Should Have Been There” Lagoon: Michael Keaton does Stand-up

7) Donate here. Live Tweeting here. Donate here. Live Tweeting here. (insert catchy jingle that’s so catchy you would actually do either or both of the two)

8) On the subject of handling hecklers: Why is there the type of heckler who interrupts your set and then applauds and congratulates you after you yell at him for 4 minutes ripping him to shreds as a person? There should be a new subcategory of psychological disorders in DSM IV that addresses this.

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THE COMEDY BUREAU

Morning Debriefing 11/20/10

1) Comedy Car Hole @ The Comedy Car Hole has been going for more than 7 years and last night was proof of why. With a tightly run, showcase-style, 90 min. show, the 60+ people in attendance having a great time in the back porch in front of someone’s of garage should give anyone with enough drive, passion, talent, intermittent bits of insanity to build a show wherever they can build one. Doug O. Perkins and Ryan Wise actually make their garage as much of a real venue as they possibly can with comfy seating, a “VIP Lounge”, and a legitimate stage with a legitimate curtain and cleverly built Comedy Car Hole sign. Last night’s crowd, which stuck around even with a slight mist of rain in the air, got to enjoy the likes of Steve Benaquist, Kat Radley, and even Comedy Bureau favorites Lizzy Cooperman and The Walsh Brothers. The Comedy Car Hole is once a month literally in a garage near Santa Monica and is completely free. Check back at the Comedy Bureau for the next one.

2) Trinity Open Mic @ Trinity Baptist Church in Santa Monica might sound like one “hell” of an intimidating open mic (OK, the pun was kind of intended). Actually, I have to admit that it was pretty great. All those elements that comedians hate about open mics such as people not listening/caring, the house lights being on or all the light beings completely off, etc. are almost non-existent here. Being in a church basement at 8PM, no one is really being held hostage for the show and thus, people want to listen to what you have to say. As it is a church, you do have to work squeaky clean, but most everything I heard music/comedy/spoken word wise was pretty “secular”. Also, there’s food for a small donation. Though, again, you have to work clean, I’d say this is another “bureau-approved” open mic. Trinity Open Mic is every 1st and 3rd Friday at 8PM in Trinity Baptist Church, 1015 California Ave., Santa Monica, CA.

3) There’s actually a Harry Potter based show that, like it’s filmic inspiration, is sold out and has only stand-by available, but that shouldn’t stop you from some other great shows around town where you won’t have to talk about how you have never read the books and your possible lack of childhood, etc. (is that just me?) Anyways, tonight’s COMEDY CRAWL goes a little something like this: start off early with Two Milk Minimum @ Flappers Burbank 12:30PM $10/2 item min., then go to ASSSSCAT @ UCB Theatre 8PM $10 (stand-by only), then go to Paul F. Tompkins Show @ Largo 8:30PM $25, then go to Comediaplex @ Westside Comedy Theatre 9PM $10, then Satuday Night Special @ Flappers-Burbank YooHoo Room 9:30PM $10/2 drink min., then Harry Potter and the Hogwarts Talent Show @ UCB Theatre 10PM $10 (stand-by only), then The Twelve Shiny Nickels Show @ The Fake Gallery 11PM $5, then Comedy Garage Thanksgiving CHARITY Bonanza! @ The World Famous Comedy Garage 9PM-Party/Show 11PM FREE, then Ron Lynch’s Tomorrow presents the Time Machine Show @ The Steve Allen Theater MIDNIGHT $8.

4) OPEN MIC RUN: WESTSIDE COMEDY THEATRE 1323-A 3rd St. Promenade, Santa Monica (in alley between 3rd. and 4th)/Sign-up (lottery) 6PM/Starts 6:30PM, SAL’S COMEDY HOLE 7356 Melrose Ave. (at Fuller)/6:30PM/one item min., SUNSET GRILL 7439 W. Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA/7PM, MARTY’S/THE OPEN MIC 7351 W. Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA (walk up Martel past Big Mama’s and Papa’s)/5PM to 11PM/$5 cover/multiple sets allowed.

5) Kyle Kinane is a comedic genius, another label the Comedy Bureau doesn’t use lightly, ON THE RISE who has been cast in sketches as a rapist and now most recently on Lopez Tonight, a racist stoner. Check it out here.

6) The Comedy Bureau “Tips Its Hat” to the one and only Barbara Gray. “@BabsGray Hey guys, what should I eat for lunch? Subway or the barrel of a shotgun?”. Recently, Lionsgate just went with ahead with her short script, and, up ahead, she’s hosting What’s Up Tiger Lily? this week and has her own wonderfully named show Space Boners @ Silverlake Lounge coming up next Saturday 11/27. Follow her on twitter here or at her blog here.

7) From one garage with comedy to another…. Guess where the Comedy Bureau’s going to be? Well… First, at an open mic in a franchise coffee shop, then the Comedy Garage. Follow all the LIVE TWEETING here.

8) If I’ve already gone with the “jedi hand wave” to get you to donate to the Comedy Bureau, I’m invoking it again (imagine it happening right when you’re reading this), so you forget that I might have already done it once and THEN you’ll donate. Please give if you’re willing and able (jedi hand wave again) here.

9) Don’t judge comedy too quickly, unless it starts off “So I’m half…..”. That’s when I’m half on my way to doing something like this.

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Post Brunch Update 11/17/10

1) The Big Trouble in Little Tokyo Open Mic @ Señor Fish thanks everyone for coming out and making it a bigger room. Also, thanks to “cheeseburger cookies” that were raffled off tasting like normal vanilla flavored/chocolate filled cookies. Come next Tues. Nov. 23rd for the mayhem/fun and another random Japanese food item. Sign up 6:30PM. Starts 7PM. 422 E. 1st St. in Little Tokyo.

2) Stripped Stories @ UCB Theatre gave an increasingly rare experience amongst live comedy shows where performers actually talk about themselves as honestly as they possibly can. So much painful/endearing humor can be drawn from the horrible/amazing things that happen in life and Stripped Stories showed, beyond a shadow of doubt, how great that can be. Though the name of the show might lead you to believe it’s just a bunch of vulgar sex stories, I believe that “stripped” is in reference into how every performer on the show strips their normal stage persona and become vulnerable and hilarious in a way that I never expected. In from NYC, Giulia Rozzi and Margot Leitman stopped here in LA with their amazing show at the UCB Theatre and hosted/shared some sensational and hysterical stories with Michelle Buteau, Tony Sam, and a few musical confessions from Wendy Ho. Stripped Stories tours nationwide and check back at the Comedy Bureau for the details for the next show.

3) OK, we’ve talked about cloning and I’m pretty sure traveling through time to get to COMEDY CRAWL in its entirety. Well, you’re going to have to BOTH for tonight’s COMEDY CRAWL: Start off with The Frolic Show! @ Barbarella Bar 8PM FREE, then travel back in time to The Laughing Skull Showcase @ Irvine Improv 8PM $15/2 item min., make a clone, send it to “If This Doesn’t Work Out I’m Moving Home” A Variety Hour @ Harlem Place Cafe 8PM FREE, then have the clone go back in time to Comedy on the Rocks @ Red Rock Eatery & Lounge 8PM FREE, then travel to the future, or present, to Meltdown @ Meltdown Comics 8:30PM $8, then meet up with your clone at Biscuits and Gravy @ Hollywood Improv Lab 8:30PM $5, make another clone and send it to Silver Mullet @ The Hideout 8:30PM FREE, then send the first clone to Punk House @ Westside Comedy Theatre 9PM $8, and go ahead and teleport to Comedy is Dead @ Hollywood Forever Cemetery 9PM $20, then take yourself to Beer in the Shower @ Whitehorse Cocktail Lounge Inn 10PM FREE, and then gather everyone at Anna Lee Lawson Comedy Hour @ The Next Stage Theatre 11PM $5, then kill the clones and destroy the time machines because they turned out to be your doppelgangers bent on making 2010 the new 2012.

4) OPEN MIC RUN: THE BASEMENT 149 Linden Ave., Long Beach, CA/6:30PM, THE SPOT CAFE 4455 Overland Ave., Culver City, CA/Sign-up (lottery) 7PM, LIBRARY A COFFEE HOUSE 3418 E. Broadway, Long Beach CA/8PM, CAFE ON 2ND 7 S. 2nd St. Sign-up 7PM/Starts at 7:30PM/$3 cover/10 min., MARTY’S/THE OPEN MIC 7351 W. Sunset Blvd. (walk up Martel past Big Mama’s and Papa’s)/5PM to 11PM/$5/can go up multiple times.

5) Holy Fuck! The Comedy Bureau “Tips Its Hat” to Dave Ross. “@davetotheross ask not what your country can do for you… ask China. they have money.” Follow him on Twitter here. Great guy/comedian/obsessed with the F word Dave Ross also his year anniversary of his amazing show Holy Fuck! next Tues., Nov. 23rd, 9PM @ Downtown Independent Theatre, which is something not to be missed.

6) The Comedy Bureau will be in at a few open mics, a comedy competition doing only 3 min., and wondering what has become of the comedy scene in Long Beach tonight. Hear all about it as I’ll/we’ll be LIVE TWEETING the whole time here.

7) Donate and I’ll temporarily lift my belief that karma doesn’t exist AND something good will happen to you. Test that theory here.

8) Tony Parker/Eva Longoria divorce jokes vs. more Prop. 19 failing jokes. I’m wondering which of the two I’ll hear more tonight and why I’d rather hear more 9/11 jokes.

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Morning Debriefing 11/10/10

1) The Big Trouble in Little Tokyo Open Mic @ Señor Fish was one hell of a destructive/fun time!!! Thanks to everyone who came out and we’re only going to wreak more havoc next week (as long as we keep the building intact)! Next one’s Tues. Nov. 16th Sign-up @ 6:30PM, Starts @ 7PM. 422 E. 1st St., Los Angeles, CA (Little Tokyo).

2) This edition of tonight’s COMEDY CRAWL brought to you by a brief foray into sanity as I actually got some sleep last night. Let’s RUIN that with some F’N GREAT COMEDY starting off with “If This Doesn’t Work I’m Moving Home” Variety Hour @ Harlem Place Cafe 8PM FREE, then go to Bay Hilarea @ Hollywood Improv 8PM $14/2 item min., then going to The Meltdown @ Meltdown Comics 8:30PM $8, then going to Ed Galvez’s Punk House @ Westside Comedy Theatre 9PM $8, then Beer in the Shower @ Whitehorse Inn Cocktail Lounge 10PM FREE, then Music Jam w/Garfunkel & Oates @ Hollywood Laugh Factory 10PM $20/2 item min., and The Jesse Miller Talk Show @ Next Stage Theatre 11PM $5, AND Hot Toddy @ iO West 11PM $5. Yeah, I won’t be sleeping tonight and enjoying every minute of it.

3) PARKING. I have mentioned it before, but it’s such a pressing problem among the comedy community here in LA. In general, LA Parking Enforcement harasses the average citizen daily with annoying parking tickets for being in a passenger loading zone at 1AM that sometimes can be the tipping point to a violent rampage (I’ve never succumb to such urges). As performers who largely work for FREE that depend on any any and every piece of stage time they can get and largely cannot afford a collection of parking tickets, available free parking is a scarce resource. This should not be the case and I would push for some form of a Performers Exemption Parking Permit or something to avoid driving around in circles for 30 min. to wait 2 hours to do 6 min. on stage. SOMETHING MUST BE DONE!!!

4) Yeah.. Rory Scovel was on Jimmy Fallon last night. Here he is again.

5) In addition to updating the Comedy Bureau Maps soon, the Comedy Bureau will soon bring all of you LA Comedy denizens a Podcast Roll and a Featured Videos so it will be even easier to find all the ridiculously, absurdly, funny stuff archived in the Comedy Bureau storage.

6) The “don’t-call-my-bluff-even-though-have-nothing-whatsoever-to-back-it-up-so-please-just-give-in-for-my-sake-cause-you-guys-like-me” angle: Donate to the Comedy Bureau or the cat gets it! Donate!

7) Never go it completely alone in comedy. You’re suicide jokes will become too real or you’ll become fake. Thanks to all my friends/family/supporters/fans for keeping me going. Really, with all sincerity, thank you.

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Post Brunch Update 11/4/10

1) It’s a theory that the further you drive outside of Los Angeles proper, the more stage time you can get as a comedian. Cafe on 2nd in Alhambra gives more support to that argument as you are guaranteed at least 10 min. after $3 cover. Being a mixed mic, musicians and poets actually want to listen to your set as opposed to bitter comics trying to going over their set or figuring out a riff off of you. Though I had to pay $3 and had to drive to Alhambra, all the way in the heart of the San Gabriel Valley, I ended up getting 15 min., which is indispensable to building an act/developing stage presence/making sure you don’t bomb for 5 min. when it counts. Another “Bureau Approved Open Mic” Cafe on 2nd runs every Wed. and Thurs. Sign-up at 7PM. Starts at 7:30PM. $3 cover. 7 S. 2nd St., Alhambra, CA.

2) I don’t know why I’ve never been to Ed Galvez’s Punk House before, especially knowing that he puts up some of LA’s funniest on a stage in an alley behind the 3rd St. Promenade in Santa Monica. With Sean Green at the reins, Eli Olsberg, Mike Holmes, Josh Androsky, Matt Manser, Erin Crapser, Ed Galvez himself, and a surprise appearance by Geoff Brousseau made for a night way more entertaining that watching people argue with the Christian evangelist on the actual 3rd St. Promenade. Running for over 4 years, Punk House is a testament to legitimately hilarious comedy shows outside of the Hollywood trifecta of the Laugh Factory, Comedy Store, and the Hollywood Improv. Ed Galvez’s Punk House @ The Westside Comedy Theatre. 9PM Every Wednesday. $8. 1323-A 3rd St., Santa Monica, CA (in the alley).

3) The comedy crawl has too much comedy tonight for a clever metaphor. There’s just not enough space in this post to tell you literally how much amazing, astounding, fantastic, phenomenal, stupefying live comedy there is tonight. That’s why I’ll get to it now, right after I finish typing this very sentence that you’re reading. Go to MB Stand Up @ Flappers Yoo Hoo Room 7:30PM $5/2 drink min., then Literally Funny @ The Last Bookstore 8PM FREE, then Piñata @ Bang Comedy Theatre 8PM. $14, then Comedy Speakeasy w/Eric Andre and Amy Dresner @ TSR Loft (call 323-568-1616 for details), then Laugh for Haiti @ The Comedy Store 8PM $25/2 item min., then Full Throttle Comedy @ The Hollywood Improv 8PM $14/2 item min., then As Seen on Chelsea Lately w/Ryan Stout & Christina Pazsitsky @ Brea Improv 8PM $15/2 item min., then The Josh & Josh Show @ Bar Lubitsch 8:30PM FREE, then “That’s My Baby” @ Barre Vermont 9:30PM FREE., then Jeff Garlin’s Combo Platter @ The UCB Theatre 9:30PM $5.

4) LA Comedian/a quarter of the Southern Comedy Quartet Jarrod Harris has a new webseries, Action Figure Therapy, which amazingly manages to be more therapeutic for anyone watching than the actual “action figure” supposedly getting therapy. Check it out here.

5) Donate. Please. Donate to support the Comedy Bureau. Please. Unfortunately, I don’t think Pavlovian response applies here, but please donate.

6) The Comedy Bureau Calendars freshly updated w/ Jon Lovitz Comedy Club, Bang Theatre, and Sal’s Comedy Hole. Doubt it? See for yourself.

7) Breaking news for the Big Trouble in Little Tokyo Open Mic. There will be a 50 ft. cable to walk around almost like it’s a wireless mic. Also, to kick off with a bang and a mic toss, there will be inaugural performances to the incomparable Joe Braza and Lauren Rochelle. Nov. 9th. 6:30PM. Señor Fish. 422 E. 1st St., Los Angeles, CA

8) I think there’s a PG way to go about suicide jokes. There better be… BECAUSE I HAVE NOTHING ELSE!!!

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Morning Debriefing 11/3/10

1) Making it to more than one open mic in LA is so hard that I can’t even think of a metaphor to relate how incredibly difficult it really is. I missed out on the Nugget Grill & Pub at CSULB as non-student parking is about a mile away from where you’re supposed to go. HOWEVER, I managed to make it to BACK HOME IN LAHAINA in Carson and did 35 MINUTES! 35 MINUTES! No matter how many times I write that, it won’t make it seem more plausible. There was a crowd that mostly came there for the delicious Hawaiian Zagat rated cuisine, but I got 35 minutes. That’s the only selling point you should care about. Back Home in Lahaina. 2nd official “Bureau Approved” open mic. Running on first and last Tues. of every month, starting at 6PM, 519 E. Carson St. #A, Carson, CA.

2) Chatroulette LIVE! @ The UCB Theatre proved to be one of the most innovative and hilarious live comedy shows on “the scene”. Imagine taking Crank Yankers to the stage, then using real, AWESOME comedic performers as a panel, then going on the twisted/addicting website that is Chatroulette to “prank video chat” people around the world such as shirtless kids in Brazil asking to see tits. Chatroulette LIVE is farcical, macabre, and uproarious the whole way through. Hosted by the amazing Allan McLeod and Dominic Dierkes, featuring Sean Clements, Harris Wittels, Kate Micucci & Riki Lindhome, and Jackie Clarke, it’s an amazing night of the hilarity/horror of social networking gone too far. Chatroulette LIVE! $5. 1st Tues. of every month at the UCB Theatre, 5919 Franklin Ave., Hollywood, CA.

3) Post Election Comedy Crawl where you can maybe get high off some laughs: Highland Park Sing-A-Long w/Maria Bamford @ Cafe de Leche 7PM FREE, then Ed Galvez’s Punk House @ The Westside Comedy Theatre 9PM $8, then Tiffany King’s LOL Comedy Show 9PM $5, then Beer in the Shower @ White Horse Inn Cocktail Lounge 10PM FREE, then Fresh Faces @ The Hollywood Laugh Factory 10PM $20/2 drink min., and come nicely off the high with/ Anna Lee Lawson Comedy Hour @ The Next Stage Theatre 11PM $5. If that doesn’t help with trying to stomach the election results, I can’t help you.

4) On Halloween, Schtick or Treat @ Taix was absolutely fantastic the whole way through. This, however, was literally a tour-de-force impression of Russell Brand by LA Comedian Nick Rutherford. Witness.

5) Please give to the Donation Box to support what is, or will be depending on your opinion, LA’s live comedy source. Right here.

6) The Big Trouble in Little Tokyo Open Mic is PRIVILEGED to kick off its inaugural night with performances by the lovely LAUREN ROCHELLE and the one and only JOE BRAZA! Again, Nov. 9th @ Señor Fish. 6:30PM. 422 E. 1st St. DO NOT MISS!

7) No on Prop. 19 frustration and Dancing w/the Stars updates. Two topics I don’t want to hear about at open mics, but absolutely will tonight.

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