@mike_burns_ and I will be podcasting live TONIGHT at 8PM PST (www.gentlemenscumbags.com) with our producer, Patrick Melton and special guest, Rory Scovel. Rory has been on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, Live at Gotham and a bunch of other shit. Because he’s funny.
Click here to subscribe. It’s not on iTunes, so click there. We’ll be discussing all kinds of grossout behavior. But we’re also having our WrestleMania preview! Be a gentleman and tune in.
The Comedy Awards, Comedy Central’s stab at becoming THE comedy authority and validator, taped Saturday night in New York. Bill Murray showed up, David Letterman and Eddie Murphy received vaunted awards, the usual suspects won things, and much merriment was had.
I wasn’t there, but…
Yeah, Cyrus was kind of just a footnote at the Comedy Awards, unfortunately.
Montreal Just For Laughs Character Audition Showcase. WED. April 5th 9:30pm
Improv Comedy Lab – Hollywood Improv 8162 Melrose Avenue West Hollywood, CA
Come check out the Just For Laughs audition showcase at the Improv lab, I will be in the house (Jesse Miller Style),along with a bunch of other great comics TBA.
$5
Or RSVP to BlondChiliProductions@Hotmail and get in for FREE!!!
Dave welcomes Internet superstar, director and podcast master, Adam Lisagor to the bar for a conversation about performing live, podcast tips, the origin of Lonely Sandwich and the benefits of chunky black.
3) OK, we had a misprint yesterday. Brent Weinbach is on Lopez Tonight TONIGHT at midnight on TBS. Or you can just check back tomorrow when I post it on the Comedy Bureau Main Feed. Also, Norm Macdonald will be on Letterman on CBS 11:35PM AND Mo Mandel on Conan on TBS 11PM
5) ON THE HORIZON Set List @ Comedy Central Stages Thurs. Apr. 7th 8PM FREE Just for Laughs Showcases @ Hollywood Improv Lab all throughout April-details to follow
7) OPEN MIC RUN THE SPOT CAFE 4455 Overland Ave., Culver City, CA/Sign-up (lottery) 7PM CAFE ON 2ND 7 S. 2nd St., Alhambra, CA/Sign-up 7PM/Starts 7:30PM/$3 cover/10 min. guarantee CAFE MUSE 6547 Santa Monica Blvd., Hollywood, CA/Sign-up (lottery) 8PM LIBRARY A COFFEE HOUSE 3418 Broadway, Long Beach, CA/Sign-up 8PM/Starts 8:30PM
The First Episode of Always Open w/David Koechner w/guest Jason Bateman. Though, you might not believe, Denny’s is a common destination for comedians. This must be because Denny’s features like the 2-4-6-8 prices provide both a meal and material.
This is the worst “Get Well Soon” card I have ever seen. Here’s how it would go down in reality.
Gary the Coworker: Heard you weren’t feeling well, so we took up a huge collection for you.
Sick Worker: Oh wow, really? That was really nice of you. I haven’t been doing too good lately. This was really thoughtful.
Gary: You now have the largest supply of staples, thumbtacks, sticky notes, printer paper, rubber bands, erasers, and papers clips in the entire office.
Silence.
Sick Worker: Serious?
Gary: Yeah, funny huh?
Sick Worker: Your “huge” collection for me is just random office supplies.
Gary: Uh, yeah. Haha.
Sick Worker: You realize I have lymphoma, right?
Gary: What?
Sick Worker: Lymphoma. It’s a cancer that attacks the lymphatic cells in the immune system. It’s extremely painful and it turns out our health insurance doesn’t cover chemo.
Gary: Oh.
Sick Worker: And your grand gesture was to raid the supply closet and give me staples and thumbtacks.
Gary: And printer paper.
Sick Worker: First of all, you know I’m the one responsible for keeping track of office supplies, so fuck you. Second of all, these aren’t even new office supplies. Rubber bands mixed in with paper clips? Oh I can’t wait to spend my afternoons detangling all these while I sit here with lymphoma.
Gary: We just thought it would be funny…
Sick Worker: Oh yeah, fucking hilarious Gary. Remember when your car broke down and no one else would drive you home to the westside even though I live around the corner? And then I came back in the morning to pick you up?
Gary: Yeah.
Sick Worker: And remember how I always end up paying for your coffee because at Brewster it’s cash only and you never seem to carry cash. Sooo fucking annoying by the way.
Gary: My wife doesn’t let me keep a debit card…
Sick Worker: And how do you repay me?! You go around the entire office and ask everyone to part with their precious office supplies.
Gary: We weren’t trying to be mean.
Sick Worker: Oh what we’re you trying to be? Nice? You think it’s nice to give someone with cancer an eraser? What do you want me to be Gary? Gracious?! Ohhhhh thank for the precious thumbtacks and printer paper. I’m so glad you didn’t get me an iTunes gift card or something I could actually use, but these wonderful office supplies which is sooooo helpful considering how much office work I’ve been doing from bed. From my bed of cancer.
Gary: Ok we get it, you don’t like jokes.
Sick Worker: Oh I like jokes Gary, but I also like jokes that have a little bit of tact. For instance, I’ve never made fun of your giant thumbs.
Gary: What?!
Gary looks down at his thumbs. They are very large. (Honestly, check them out above in the picture. They’re huge.)
Sick Worker: Everyone in the office makes fun of them, but I never have. Do you realize how hard it is to not make fun of them? Look at them! Who has thumbs like that? They look like they ate your other fingers.
Gary: Now you’re being a jerk. I have a condition.
Sick Worker: Ohhh a condition, really? Well then here’s a box of shitty office supplies. Get well soon.
Gary turns and walks away. Remorse rushes over the face of the sick worker.
Sick Worker: Uhhh, Gary.
Gary slowly turns around.
Gary: What.
Coworker: I’m sorry… I forgot to say fuck you again. Fuck you.
The sick worker fires a rubber band hitting Gary squarely in the head.
———————————————————————————
But Ron this is a humourous greeting card. Of course no one would do this in real life.
Exactly! The worst part about this card is that it’s just a card. You don’t even get any office supplies. Even if they were unorganized, phyiscal office supplies are better than imaginary office supplies. Instead of “Get Well Soon”, this card should just read:
“Hey you, you sick? Think of a shitty gift. Ok now pretend we gave it to you. Oh and fuck you. Love, your crappy coworkers.”
Comedian Ron Babcock taking unnecessary cards down a notch.
First Fridays returns! And tickets are now $5! Friday, April 1st 10:30pm
An evening of comedy and chat! First Fridays is a monthly comedy variety talk show that’s part of the LA Comedy Festival’s 365 Series, and features a diverse lineup of stand-up, sketch and film hosted by Laura Mannino and produced by Johnny Ramirez.
Merrill Davis (host of Merrillwood) Sean Green (host of The Green Room Podcast) Tracy, Dean and Jesus (Andre Hyland, Mike Mayfield, Paul Oyenl) The Walsh Brothers (UCB) Screening of NorthSide Comedy’s short, “Gay Hunt”
Theatre Asylum 6322 Santa Monica Blvd Los Angeles, CA 90038 Street parking available BYOB! $5 cash only
I will bet the price of admission this will be much more fun than KROQ’s April Foolishness, which doesn’t even take place on April Fool’s Day.
This is a Meltdown Fan shirt for the comedy show that takes places every Wednesday in the back of Meltdown Comics. If that’s not love for a show, I don’t know what is.
Here’s @gentscum episode 14 with @roryscovel. Dunno why it’s not posted yet in audio form. I think our producer @pmelt is getting donut holes or some shit and hasn’t uploaded it yet. Tweet him and tell him to post it. Srsly.
Also, I just want to add that Rory is one of my favorite guests so far. Dude is quality. Go see him record his CD April 5 and 6 in San Francisco if you’re in the area. I promise. And I fucking know I have Tumblr readers in SF because of the Giants comments I get. So go see Rory at the Punch Line next week.
I should warn you that we do have a quite a bit of WrestleMania talk, so skip through that shit if you’re a goddamn baby about things. Other than that, enjoy.
