if this doesn’t work out i’m moving home

Morning Debriefing 1/5/11

1) Now for another edition of “I Know What You’re Thinking… (No, You Don’t)”. The thoughts (as fragmented and schizo as they might be) of Comedy Bureau Director Jake Kroeger/@blitzkroeger on Twitter.—PEOPLE MUST THINK THIS PART OF THE MORNING DEBRIEFING SHOULD BE CALLED YOU HAVE NOTHING TO WRITE ABOUT!!! Really, how many people do you think read every part of this site? STOP IT ALREADY! You had a good comedy night. Oh really? Someone left Dec. 26th tickets to True Grit in the donation bucket at Señor Fish last night. Well, that’s bound to happen. Exactly how conscious are you as you write this post? Do you realize you’re calling this a MORNING debriefing and it’s currently 12:23PM PST? Get your shit together man (and you wonder why only 52 people read your post yesterday). It’s a start; a pretty good start, actually. OK, keep telling yourself that. Why don’t you write a bit about it, huh? It’ll go into the “you don’t know what you’re doing” portion of your act. SHUT UP! OK, got to finish this post, convince myself paying $5 at Marty’s/The Open Mic is worth it, and…. SHIT I have a show on Friday. Yeah, you do. It’ll be fine. Really, it will be fine. Oh yeah, I’m sure opening with that new “New Year’s” bit is just going to kill. Are you being ironic with me, right now? You’re funny. Thanks for that. Finally. ———– (those dashes are italicized)

2) I’m really trying to soak in the greatness of last night at Señor Fish and the Big Trouble in Little Tokyo Open Mic. Thanks once again to Jackie Kashian, Andy Peters, the multitude of comics that came out, and $2 fish tacos. See you guys next Tuesday for another extravaganza and a half (maybe I’ll even have the Big Trouble in Little China Soundtrack by that point).

3) The Comedy Bureau staff actually got into a huge debate as what to post on tonight’s COMEDY CRAWL. The ordeal is fortunately is over and was strangely brought to an end by everyone getting their coffee and taking the office dog for a walk. You’ve Seen These Guys @ Brea Improv 8PM $15/2 drink min., Frolic @ Far Bar 9PM FREE, “If This Doesn’t Work I’m Moving Home” A Variety Hour @ Harlem Place Cafe 8PM FREE, Meltdown @ Meltdown Comics 8:30PM $8/free beer, Beer in the Shower @ Whitehorse Cocktail Lounge Inn 9:30PM FREE.

4) OPEN MIC RUN: SPOT CAFE 4455 Overland, Culver City, CA/Sign-up (lottery) 7PM, THE LIBRARY A COFFEEHOUSE 3418 E. Broadway, Long Beach, CA/Sign-up 8PM/Starts 8:30PM, CAFE ON 2ND 7 S. 2nd St., Alhambra, CA/Sign-up 7PM/Starts 7:30PM, MARTY’S/THE OPEN MIC 7351 W. Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA (walk up Martel, past Big Mama’s and Papa’s)/5PM to 11PM/multiple sets allowed.

5) New Tenacious D album to be expected at the end of 2011. That’s all you should need to know for now. Check back at the Comedy Bureau for more details.

6) I’m barely conscious enough to type today’s post and I know I said I was going to say who to vote for Comedy Central’s Stand Up Showdown, but just check back at the Comedy Bureau for my recommendations. (in the meantime vote for Matt Braunger, Ryan Stout, and Mo Mandel)

7) Matt Braunger was on the Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson. If you missed it like I did because you hate yourself like I do (that part is not necessary) you can catch it here.

8) The Comedy Bureau “Tips Its Hat” today to LAUREN ASHLEY BISHOP "@sbellelauren well. we just beat ourselves. good game bourbon.“ Lauren is about to tour THE WORLD (she’s doing comedy in Africa in a few days). Forget about skipping to your local comedy club to do/see a few minutes about whatever is trending on Twitter. Sharp in her observations in her life and her views on the world, Lauren will hopefully come back to LA soon to share her comedic "wealth” (comedy, not money…. though money would be nice). Tumblr. Twitter.

9) From the “You Should Have Been There” Lagoon: SNL Celebrity Jeopardy French Stewart, Burt Reynolds, and Sean Connery

10) Donate to the Comedy Bureau. Someone really left tickets to True Grit from last year in the donation bucket last night.

11) Some people think that this might be my job because it seemingly takes up all my time. Anyone who wants to make that a 100% true statement, your help would be greatly appreciated.

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Morning Debriefing 12/8/10

1) BIG THANKS to everyone who came out to cause some BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE TOKYO (there’s no intentional reference to Dec. 7th, 1941 here)!!! Thanks once again to the fantastic ABBEY LONDER!!! Next week: We find the girls with green eyes and TONY SAM and JAMIE LEE!! WHAT!??!?!? DEC. 14TH. SEÑOR FISH. SIGN UP 6:30PM. STARTS 7PM.

2) COMEDY CRAWL COMICTHON @ Hollywood Laugh Factory HAPPENING RIGHT NOW one unwrapped toy, Joe Wengert’s Stages of Adulthood @ UCB Theatre 6:30PM $5, “If This Doesn’t Work, I’m Moving Home” A Variety Hour @ Harlem Place Cafe 8PM FREE, Eagle Rock Comedy Festival @ The York, Coffee Table Lounge, Brownstone Pizzeria, and more 8PM FREE, Meltdown @ Meltdown Comics 8:30PM $8, Riot! @ El Cid 9:30PM $10, Beer in the Shower @ Whitehorse Cocktail Lounge Inn 9:30PM FREE, The Jesse Miller Talk Show @ Next Stage Theatre 11PM $5

3) OPEN MIC RUN: HOLLYWOOD STUDIO BAR & GRILL 6122 W. Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA/Sign up 5:30PM/Starts 6PM/1 item min., THE SPOT CAFE 4455 Overland Ave., Culver City, CA/Sign up (lottery) 7PM, CAFE ON 2ND 7 S. 2nd St., Alhambra, CA/Sign-up 7PM/Starts 7:30PM, LIBRARY A COFFEEHOUSE 3418 E. Broadway, Long Beach, CA/Sign-up 7:30PM/Starts 8PM, MARTY’S/THE OPEN MIC 7351 W. Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA (walk up Martel past Big Mama’s and Papa’s)/5PM to 11PM/$5/multiple sets allowed.

4) Some regular readers of the Comedy Bureau posts wonder what I’m going to do as a “Year in the Review” since several other comedy news websites are already doing their “Year in Review” posts or countdowns/top 10 lists. Again, one of the goals here at the Comedy Bureau is to get rid of “comedy red tape” and as such, I’m going to make a “Top 10 List of 2010 Comedy Lists” so you don’t have to wonder about which list to actually pay attention to. Check back at the Comedy Bureau for more details.

5) Paul F Tompkins DVD “You Should Have Told Me” NOW available for pre-sale at AST Records. Consider it as one of those “Christmas presents for yourself”, especially if you live alone.

6) Brand Spankin’ New Podcasts are about to drop very soon on Earwolf from none other than Howard Kremer, Drew Droege, and Paul Scheer. I really shouldn’t have to say more than that, but you can indulge yourself in a higher word-count/more details here.

7) The Comedy Bureau “Tips Its Hat” to today to RYAN STOUT-“@stoutryan #StoutsGuideToSuicide – Tip 396 – The best day to kill yourself is ALWAYS yesterday.” Now having the select distinction of being one of three people to get another “Tip of the Hat”, Ryan shows why he’s regarded not only one of the fastest rising comics right now, but also why he’s one of the best joke writers in “the biz”. Check him out at his website and follow him on Twitter or suffer the consequences (inquire at thecomedybureau@gmail.com for details on consequences)

8) From the “You Should Have Been There” Lagoon: Late World w/Zach Galifianakis-Pre-School

9) Some asked why I would do Marty’s from 5PM to 11PM and it’s not because I’m a comedy masochist. I do it so none of you have to go through it in case you ever had the curiosity of what it may be like as you can see on Twitter (look for #martysmarathon). That’s why I ask for donations.

10) Comedy Bureau PSA to the General Public: No comic ever wants feedback in the form of audible comments DURING their set. THIS HAS NEVER BEEN THE CASE. So, please, show your appreciation/disdain in uproarious laughter/silence. This ad has been sponsored by the Comedy Bureau.

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Post Brunch Update 12/1/10

1) The Walsh Brothers Show @ UCB Theatre showed how beautiful the concept of a prank could really be. Whether telling stories that are acted out in dazzling fashion of “pranks” being pulled on them or having guest performers pull “pranks” on the entire audience or enacting “The Popcorn Trick”, one never gets a feeling of ill will towards Chris and David Walsh, but, instead, just simply has a spirited fun time. Without tipping off too much, The Walsh Brothers offered an absolutely superb variety of acts ranging from hilarious sketches featuring themselves James Patterson reading letters to Billionaires and their subsequent responses to the amazing Tony Sam as Electroface, an insecure pro-wrestler, to even an amazing part of the show just called ‘Personal Disco’. Though some of The Walsh Brothers act may seem incredibly goofy at the beginning, Chris and David maintain such a great balance of commitment/fearlessness throughout whatever they’re doing on stage that keeps the audience engaged to the end, which is actually quite genius. If you really want to see what I’m talking about, the Walsh Brothers Show takes places frequently at the UCB Theatre and the Walsh Brothers themselves perform all around LA, so check back at the Comedy Bureau for details on upcoming shows.

2) BIG THANKS TO ALL WHO CAME OUT TO BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE TOKYO OPEN MIC LAST NIGHT!! IT WAS SO FANTASTIC WITH RYAN STOUT ACTUALLY COMING DOWN AND ACTUALLY GETTING AN APPLAUSE BREAK THAT IT NECESSITATES ME TYPING IN ALL CAPS!!! DON’T MISS IT NEXT TUESDAY @ SEÑOR FISH, 422 E. 1ST ST. SIGN-UP 6:30PM/STARTS 7PM.

3) I know that already just eye-balling this tonight’s COMEDY CRAWL, you might feel intimidated, but I’m just going to go ahead and say DEAL WITH IT!!! All these shows are going to be a damn good time and should not be missed. Start off with Birds of Prey @ Steve Allen Theater (awesome video promo) 8PM $5, then Frolic @ Barbarella Bar 8PM FREE, then “If This Doesn’t Work Out I’m Moving Home” A Variety Hour @ Harlem Place Cafe 8PM FREE, Maria Bamford’s Eagle Rock Singalong and Comedy Show @ Center for the Arts, Eagle Rock 8PM $5 suggested donation, then You’ve Seen These Guys @ The Brea Improv 8PM $15/2 item min., then The Meltdown @ Meltdown Comics 8:30PM $8, then The Ed Galvez Punk House @ Westside Comedy Theater 9PM $8, then Beer in the Shower @ Whitehorse Cocktail Lounge Inn 9:30PM FREE, then Comedy Juice @ Hollywood Improv 10PM $14/2 item min., then Fresh Faces @ Hollywood Laugh Factory 10PM $20/2 drink min., then finish STRONG with the Anna Lee Lawson Comedy Hour @ The Next Stage Theatre 11PM $5.

4) OPEN MIC RUN: HOLLYWOOD STUDIO BAR & GRILL 6122 W. Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA/Sign-up 5:30PM/Starts 6PM, THE SPOT CAFE 4455 Overland Ave., Culver City, CA/Sign-up (lottery) 7PM, THE LIBRARY: A COFFEE HOUSE 3418 E. Broadway, Long Beach, CA/Sign-up 7:30PM/Starts 8PM, CAFE ON 2ND 7 S. 2nd st., Alhambra, CA/Sign-up 7PM/Starts 7:30PM/$3 cover/10 min. guaranteed, MARTY’S/THE OPEN MIC 7351 W. Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA (walk up Martel past Big Mama’s and Papa’s)/5PM to 11PM/$5/multiple sets allowed

5) The lovely and talented Kate Micucci of Garfunkel and Oates just dropped her solo album Phone Home (don’t worry, Garfunkel and Oates are still together), which I highly suggest that you check out/buy/download/support/listen to when you really need to smile. You can do so right here.

6) The Comedy Bureau “Tips Its Hat” today to DAVEY JOHNSON-“@DrDavey I’m 8% clever, and 93% stupid.” Davey Johnson is a whirlwind of comedy in LA that definitely needs to be seen live to really experience the full force of hilarity. Performing routinely with some of the best sketch groups in LA, which includes his own “The Doorknockers” with the also amazing Randy Liedtke featured weekly at “The Tomorrow Show w/Ron Lynch”, Davey Johnson “rolls with it” in the best way possible. You can see Davey tonight in the aforementioned Birds of Prey @ Steve Allen Theater 8PM $5 and at The Second Annual Best Doorknockers Christmas Pageant Ever @ The Steve Allen Theater Thurs. Dec. 16th 8PM $10. Also, you can follow Davey on Twitter here.

7) From the “You Should Have Been There” Lagoon: Doug Stanhope’s Comedy Death Camp

8) Donating blood leaves you sleepy and most likely unable to live tweet about it or subsequently laugh about it. Avoid this situation by donating and following the Comedy Bureau.

9) Sometimes I feel so close to getting somewhere in comedy, which always seems to be accompanied by the feeling of going completely broke.

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Post Brunch Update 11/17/10

1) The Big Trouble in Little Tokyo Open Mic @ Señor Fish thanks everyone for coming out and making it a bigger room. Also, thanks to “cheeseburger cookies” that were raffled off tasting like normal vanilla flavored/chocolate filled cookies. Come next Tues. Nov. 23rd for the mayhem/fun and another random Japanese food item. Sign up 6:30PM. Starts 7PM. 422 E. 1st St. in Little Tokyo.

2) Stripped Stories @ UCB Theatre gave an increasingly rare experience amongst live comedy shows where performers actually talk about themselves as honestly as they possibly can. So much painful/endearing humor can be drawn from the horrible/amazing things that happen in life and Stripped Stories showed, beyond a shadow of doubt, how great that can be. Though the name of the show might lead you to believe it’s just a bunch of vulgar sex stories, I believe that “stripped” is in reference into how every performer on the show strips their normal stage persona and become vulnerable and hilarious in a way that I never expected. In from NYC, Giulia Rozzi and Margot Leitman stopped here in LA with their amazing show at the UCB Theatre and hosted/shared some sensational and hysterical stories with Michelle Buteau, Tony Sam, and a few musical confessions from Wendy Ho. Stripped Stories tours nationwide and check back at the Comedy Bureau for the details for the next show.

3) OK, we’ve talked about cloning and I’m pretty sure traveling through time to get to COMEDY CRAWL in its entirety. Well, you’re going to have to BOTH for tonight’s COMEDY CRAWL: Start off with The Frolic Show! @ Barbarella Bar 8PM FREE, then travel back in time to The Laughing Skull Showcase @ Irvine Improv 8PM $15/2 item min., make a clone, send it to “If This Doesn’t Work Out I’m Moving Home” A Variety Hour @ Harlem Place Cafe 8PM FREE, then have the clone go back in time to Comedy on the Rocks @ Red Rock Eatery & Lounge 8PM FREE, then travel to the future, or present, to Meltdown @ Meltdown Comics 8:30PM $8, then meet up with your clone at Biscuits and Gravy @ Hollywood Improv Lab 8:30PM $5, make another clone and send it to Silver Mullet @ The Hideout 8:30PM FREE, then send the first clone to Punk House @ Westside Comedy Theatre 9PM $8, and go ahead and teleport to Comedy is Dead @ Hollywood Forever Cemetery 9PM $20, then take yourself to Beer in the Shower @ Whitehorse Cocktail Lounge Inn 10PM FREE, and then gather everyone at Anna Lee Lawson Comedy Hour @ The Next Stage Theatre 11PM $5, then kill the clones and destroy the time machines because they turned out to be your doppelgangers bent on making 2010 the new 2012.

4) OPEN MIC RUN: THE BASEMENT 149 Linden Ave., Long Beach, CA/6:30PM, THE SPOT CAFE 4455 Overland Ave., Culver City, CA/Sign-up (lottery) 7PM, LIBRARY A COFFEE HOUSE 3418 E. Broadway, Long Beach CA/8PM, CAFE ON 2ND 7 S. 2nd St. Sign-up 7PM/Starts at 7:30PM/$3 cover/10 min., MARTY’S/THE OPEN MIC 7351 W. Sunset Blvd. (walk up Martel past Big Mama’s and Papa’s)/5PM to 11PM/$5/can go up multiple times.

5) Holy Fuck! The Comedy Bureau “Tips Its Hat” to Dave Ross. “@davetotheross ask not what your country can do for you… ask China. they have money.” Follow him on Twitter here. Great guy/comedian/obsessed with the F word Dave Ross also his year anniversary of his amazing show Holy Fuck! next Tues., Nov. 23rd, 9PM @ Downtown Independent Theatre, which is something not to be missed.

6) The Comedy Bureau will be in at a few open mics, a comedy competition doing only 3 min., and wondering what has become of the comedy scene in Long Beach tonight. Hear all about it as I’ll/we’ll be LIVE TWEETING the whole time here.

7) Donate and I’ll temporarily lift my belief that karma doesn’t exist AND something good will happen to you. Test that theory here.

8) Tony Parker/Eva Longoria divorce jokes vs. more Prop. 19 failing jokes. I’m wondering which of the two I’ll hear more tonight and why I’d rather hear more 9/11 jokes.

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if this doesn't work out i'm moving home

Morning Debriefing 1/5/11

Morning Debriefing 12/8/10

Post Brunch Update 12/1/10

Post Brunch Update 11/17/10