whitehorse – The Comedy Bureau

Morning Debriefing 1/5/11

1) Now for another edition of “I Know What You’re Thinking… (No, You Don’t)”. The thoughts (as fragmented and schizo as they might be) of Comedy Bureau Director Jake Kroeger/@blitzkroeger on Twitter.—PEOPLE MUST THINK THIS PART OF THE MORNING DEBRIEFING SHOULD BE CALLED YOU HAVE NOTHING TO WRITE ABOUT!!! Really, how many people do you think read every part of this site? STOP IT ALREADY! You had a good comedy night. Oh really? Someone left Dec. 26th tickets to True Grit in the donation bucket at Señor Fish last night. Well, that’s bound to happen. Exactly how conscious are you as you write this post? Do you realize you’re calling this a MORNING debriefing and it’s currently 12:23PM PST? Get your shit together man (and you wonder why only 52 people read your post yesterday). It’s a start; a pretty good start, actually. OK, keep telling yourself that. Why don’t you write a bit about it, huh? It’ll go into the “you don’t know what you’re doing” portion of your act. SHUT UP! OK, got to finish this post, convince myself paying $5 at Marty’s/The Open Mic is worth it, and…. SHIT I have a show on Friday. Yeah, you do. It’ll be fine. Really, it will be fine. Oh yeah, I’m sure opening with that new “New Year’s” bit is just going to kill. Are you being ironic with me, right now? You’re funny. Thanks for that. Finally. ———– (those dashes are italicized)

2) I’m really trying to soak in the greatness of last night at Señor Fish and the Big Trouble in Little Tokyo Open Mic. Thanks once again to Jackie Kashian, Andy Peters, the multitude of comics that came out, and $2 fish tacos. See you guys next Tuesday for another extravaganza and a half (maybe I’ll even have the Big Trouble in Little China Soundtrack by that point).

3) The Comedy Bureau staff actually got into a huge debate as what to post on tonight’s COMEDY CRAWL. The ordeal is fortunately is over and was strangely brought to an end by everyone getting their coffee and taking the office dog for a walk. You’ve Seen These Guys @ Brea Improv 8PM $15/2 drink min., Frolic @ Far Bar 9PM FREE, “If This Doesn’t Work I’m Moving Home” A Variety Hour @ Harlem Place Cafe 8PM FREE, Meltdown @ Meltdown Comics 8:30PM $8/free beer, Beer in the Shower @ Whitehorse Cocktail Lounge Inn 9:30PM FREE.

4) OPEN MIC RUN: SPOT CAFE 4455 Overland, Culver City, CA/Sign-up (lottery) 7PM, THE LIBRARY A COFFEEHOUSE 3418 E. Broadway, Long Beach, CA/Sign-up 8PM/Starts 8:30PM, CAFE ON 2ND 7 S. 2nd St., Alhambra, CA/Sign-up 7PM/Starts 7:30PM, MARTY’S/THE OPEN MIC 7351 W. Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA (walk up Martel, past Big Mama’s and Papa’s)/5PM to 11PM/multiple sets allowed.

5) New Tenacious D album to be expected at the end of 2011. That’s all you should need to know for now. Check back at the Comedy Bureau for more details.

6) I’m barely conscious enough to type today’s post and I know I said I was going to say who to vote for Comedy Central’s Stand Up Showdown, but just check back at the Comedy Bureau for my recommendations. (in the meantime vote for Matt Braunger, Ryan Stout, and Mo Mandel)

7) Matt Braunger was on the Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson. If you missed it like I did because you hate yourself like I do (that part is not necessary) you can catch it here.

8) The Comedy Bureau “Tips Its Hat” today to LAUREN ASHLEY BISHOP "@sbellelauren well. we just beat ourselves. good game bourbon.“ Lauren is about to tour THE WORLD (she’s doing comedy in Africa in a few days). Forget about skipping to your local comedy club to do/see a few minutes about whatever is trending on Twitter. Sharp in her observations in her life and her views on the world, Lauren will hopefully come back to LA soon to share her comedic "wealth” (comedy, not money…. though money would be nice). Tumblr. Twitter.

9) From the “You Should Have Been There” Lagoon: SNL Celebrity Jeopardy French Stewart, Burt Reynolds, and Sean Connery

10) Donate to the Comedy Bureau. Someone really left tickets to True Grit from last year in the donation bucket last night.

11) Some people think that this might be my job because it seemingly takes up all my time. Anyone who wants to make that a 100% true statement, your help would be greatly appreciated.

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Morning Debriefing 12/15/10

1) It’s the nature of any comedy scene that shows come and go, but it’s a real tragedy to see a show put on by great people shut down. In the past week, two such shows, Sweet and Sour Comedy and The Akaaba Presents, reached their end of their runs due to the unfortunate circumstance that the greater Los Angeles metropolitan area is overrun with comedy shows as you can see in the “The Greater LA Comedy Landscape” Map. Abbey Londer (Sweet and Sour Comedy), Jeremy Paul & Joe Braza (The Akaaba Presents) are some of the funniest and best, most decent people I have come to know in LA comedy, but, most venues don’t really care about the intangibles of comedy so much as they care about turning a profit off of a show whether it’s well-produced and truly funny OR abusively-run and hacky. With a city overpopulated with live comedy shows/venues and the predominant perception of live comedy being loud-mouthed, rude, and completely uncouth that relies more on shock and x-rated content than any sort of comedic artistry, getting the average “real” person to a comedy show in LA is almost a miracle. To have things change in LA Comedy, and to even suggest this in times like these requires a serious lack of sanity, is to change people’s perceptions of what comedy really is or at least broaden their idea of it to include smart, insightful humor from incredibly hard-working and talented folks that perform night in and night out mostly for free. Most people aren’t even aware that “we”, (in case you are a real person that hasn’t met me personally, I’m one of “those” comics too) exist and I try to remedy that problem as much as I can through this blog and The Ultimate Free & Cheap LA Comedy List, but really, I’m only one guy with a laptop, a camera, an iPhone, and some decent material. Perhaps, in the coming year, the Comedy Bureau will grow to a big enough proportion where change can be affected through one fell swoop of me typing so I won’t have to worry about trying to see damn hilarious people like Abbey, Jeremy, and Joe live because their shows ended permanently. Check back here for progress on that front.

2) This entire week’s COMEDY CRAWL is seemingly jam packed before most shows go into hibernation for the holidays, so make sure you catch all the comedy you can before you stuck with a season of a TV show you didn’t want on DVD. Start with Merrillwood Live @ Paul G Gleason Theatre 7PM FREE, then Comedy on the Rocks @ Red Rock Bar & Eatery 7:30PM $5, then “If This Doesn’t Work I’m Moving Home” A Variety Hour Christmas Special @ Harlem Place Cafe 8PM FREE, then The Nerdist Presents “Comics You Should Know” @ Meltdown Comics 8:30PM $8, then Fix-Up Show @ ACME Comedy Theatre 8PM $15, then The Long Shot Podcast Season 2 Finale @ The Fake Gallery 8:30PM $5, then Ed Galvez’s Punk House @ Westside Comedy Theatre 9PM $8, then Beer in the Shower @ Whitehorse Cocktail Lounge Inn 9:30PM FREE, and finish with Anna Lee Lawson Comedy Hour @ Next Stage Theatre 11PM $5.

3) OPEN MIC RUN: CAFE ON 2ND 7 S. 2nd St., Alhambra, CA/Sign-up 7PM/Starts 7:30PM/$3 cover/10 min., THE SPOT CAFE 4455 Overland Ave., Culver City, CA/Sign-up (lottery) 7PM/Starts 7:30PM, THE BASEMENT 149 Linden Ave., Long Beach, CA/7PM to 8:30PM, LIBRARY A COFFEE HOUSE 3418 E. Broadway, Long Beach, CA/Sign-up 7:30PM/Starts 8PM, MARTY’S/THE OPEN MIC 7351 W. Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA/5PM to 11PM/$5/multiple sets allowed

4) Paul F Tompkins DVD “You Should Have Told Me” officially dropped yesterday on AST Records and, yes, you should have picked it up yesterday, but, now, you can make up for that by picking it up today.

5) The Comedy Bureau “Tips Its Hat” today to MATT CHAMPAGNE-Matt on his daily blog wrote his idea of what happens when saying “No” when asked for donations-
CASHIER: Would you like to give to St. Jude’s today?
CUSTOMER: No, actually I—
CASHIER: Oh really? All right. (Flips a switch, the sound of a fog horn is heard.) Folks, looks like we got a Grinch in our midst!
OTHER EMPLOYEES: Uh-oh.
(The other employees of the store stop their tasks and stare at the customer. They rest their arms at their side and slowly point at him while emitting a low, rumbling hum from the pits of their stomachs.)
CUSTOMER: Wait…hold on…
(A large door opens up in the ceiling and a big disgusting giant bat flies out with hair like big black pipe cleaners and eyes that never blink and a mouth looking for something to bite. The store goes crazy. The lights go out, people are screaming, flames start to erupt from under the floor, a large Rottweiler is set loose from a cage near-by and starts biting another customer’s leg, a hooded executioner runs through the store swinging his axe at people, shots are fired, someone gets maced, a woman starts screaming: “My baby! My baby!”, the floor opens up and people start falling in.)
CASHIER: See what you’ve done!
CUSTOMER: I was gonna say: “No, actually, I wanna give to the March of Dimes.”
Matt Champagne is simultaneously witty and insightful and then incredibly animated when he takes the stage, which is why he is a favorite of many rooms in LA. You can catch him live tomorrow at A Pint of Funny @ O’Brien’s Pub (2941 Main St., Santa Monica, CA) 8PM and you should never miss his daily thoughts in word form on his blog I Remain Champagne.

6) From the “You Should Have Been There” Lagoon: Norm MacDonald’s Final Appearance on Late Night with Conan O’Brien

7) I already made a plug for donations above, so…. I’ll just do it again here.

8) An elderly woman a few nights ago softly clasped my forearm and said, “I’m looking for a young Steven Wright.” I did walk away and was shocked by the, at least, 40 years age difference AND the fact she obviously never listened to anything I said because I don’t do one-liners.

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Morning Debriefing 12/8/10

1) BIG THANKS to everyone who came out to cause some BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE TOKYO (there’s no intentional reference to Dec. 7th, 1941 here)!!! Thanks once again to the fantastic ABBEY LONDER!!! Next week: We find the girls with green eyes and TONY SAM and JAMIE LEE!! WHAT!??!?!? DEC. 14TH. SEÑOR FISH. SIGN UP 6:30PM. STARTS 7PM.

2) COMEDY CRAWL COMICTHON @ Hollywood Laugh Factory HAPPENING RIGHT NOW one unwrapped toy, Joe Wengert’s Stages of Adulthood @ UCB Theatre 6:30PM $5, “If This Doesn’t Work, I’m Moving Home” A Variety Hour @ Harlem Place Cafe 8PM FREE, Eagle Rock Comedy Festival @ The York, Coffee Table Lounge, Brownstone Pizzeria, and more 8PM FREE, Meltdown @ Meltdown Comics 8:30PM $8, Riot! @ El Cid 9:30PM $10, Beer in the Shower @ Whitehorse Cocktail Lounge Inn 9:30PM FREE, The Jesse Miller Talk Show @ Next Stage Theatre 11PM $5

3) OPEN MIC RUN: HOLLYWOOD STUDIO BAR & GRILL 6122 W. Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA/Sign up 5:30PM/Starts 6PM/1 item min., THE SPOT CAFE 4455 Overland Ave., Culver City, CA/Sign up (lottery) 7PM, CAFE ON 2ND 7 S. 2nd St., Alhambra, CA/Sign-up 7PM/Starts 7:30PM, LIBRARY A COFFEEHOUSE 3418 E. Broadway, Long Beach, CA/Sign-up 7:30PM/Starts 8PM, MARTY’S/THE OPEN MIC 7351 W. Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA (walk up Martel past Big Mama’s and Papa’s)/5PM to 11PM/$5/multiple sets allowed.

4) Some regular readers of the Comedy Bureau posts wonder what I’m going to do as a “Year in the Review” since several other comedy news websites are already doing their “Year in Review” posts or countdowns/top 10 lists. Again, one of the goals here at the Comedy Bureau is to get rid of “comedy red tape” and as such, I’m going to make a “Top 10 List of 2010 Comedy Lists” so you don’t have to wonder about which list to actually pay attention to. Check back at the Comedy Bureau for more details.

5) Paul F Tompkins DVD “You Should Have Told Me” NOW available for pre-sale at AST Records. Consider it as one of those “Christmas presents for yourself”, especially if you live alone.

6) Brand Spankin’ New Podcasts are about to drop very soon on Earwolf from none other than Howard Kremer, Drew Droege, and Paul Scheer. I really shouldn’t have to say more than that, but you can indulge yourself in a higher word-count/more details here.

7) The Comedy Bureau “Tips Its Hat” to today to RYAN STOUT-“@stoutryan #StoutsGuideToSuicide – Tip 396 – The best day to kill yourself is ALWAYS yesterday.” Now having the select distinction of being one of three people to get another “Tip of the Hat”, Ryan shows why he’s regarded not only one of the fastest rising comics right now, but also why he’s one of the best joke writers in “the biz”. Check him out at his website and follow him on Twitter or suffer the consequences (inquire at thecomedybureau@gmail.com for details on consequences)

8) From the “You Should Have Been There” Lagoon: Late World w/Zach Galifianakis-Pre-School

9) Some asked why I would do Marty’s from 5PM to 11PM and it’s not because I’m a comedy masochist. I do it so none of you have to go through it in case you ever had the curiosity of what it may be like as you can see on Twitter (look for #martysmarathon). That’s why I ask for donations.

10) Comedy Bureau PSA to the General Public: No comic ever wants feedback in the form of audible comments DURING their set. THIS HAS NEVER BEEN THE CASE. So, please, show your appreciation/disdain in uproarious laughter/silence. This ad has been sponsored by the Comedy Bureau.

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Post Brunch Update 12/1/10

1) The Walsh Brothers Show @ UCB Theatre showed how beautiful the concept of a prank could really be. Whether telling stories that are acted out in dazzling fashion of “pranks” being pulled on them or having guest performers pull “pranks” on the entire audience or enacting “The Popcorn Trick”, one never gets a feeling of ill will towards Chris and David Walsh, but, instead, just simply has a spirited fun time. Without tipping off too much, The Walsh Brothers offered an absolutely superb variety of acts ranging from hilarious sketches featuring themselves James Patterson reading letters to Billionaires and their subsequent responses to the amazing Tony Sam as Electroface, an insecure pro-wrestler, to even an amazing part of the show just called ‘Personal Disco’. Though some of The Walsh Brothers act may seem incredibly goofy at the beginning, Chris and David maintain such a great balance of commitment/fearlessness throughout whatever they’re doing on stage that keeps the audience engaged to the end, which is actually quite genius. If you really want to see what I’m talking about, the Walsh Brothers Show takes places frequently at the UCB Theatre and the Walsh Brothers themselves perform all around LA, so check back at the Comedy Bureau for details on upcoming shows.

2) BIG THANKS TO ALL WHO CAME OUT TO BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE TOKYO OPEN MIC LAST NIGHT!! IT WAS SO FANTASTIC WITH RYAN STOUT ACTUALLY COMING DOWN AND ACTUALLY GETTING AN APPLAUSE BREAK THAT IT NECESSITATES ME TYPING IN ALL CAPS!!! DON’T MISS IT NEXT TUESDAY @ SEÑOR FISH, 422 E. 1ST ST. SIGN-UP 6:30PM/STARTS 7PM.

3) I know that already just eye-balling this tonight’s COMEDY CRAWL, you might feel intimidated, but I’m just going to go ahead and say DEAL WITH IT!!! All these shows are going to be a damn good time and should not be missed. Start off with Birds of Prey @ Steve Allen Theater (awesome video promo) 8PM $5, then Frolic @ Barbarella Bar 8PM FREE, then “If This Doesn’t Work Out I’m Moving Home” A Variety Hour @ Harlem Place Cafe 8PM FREE, Maria Bamford’s Eagle Rock Singalong and Comedy Show @ Center for the Arts, Eagle Rock 8PM $5 suggested donation, then You’ve Seen These Guys @ The Brea Improv 8PM $15/2 item min., then The Meltdown @ Meltdown Comics 8:30PM $8, then The Ed Galvez Punk House @ Westside Comedy Theater 9PM $8, then Beer in the Shower @ Whitehorse Cocktail Lounge Inn 9:30PM FREE, then Comedy Juice @ Hollywood Improv 10PM $14/2 item min., then Fresh Faces @ Hollywood Laugh Factory 10PM $20/2 drink min., then finish STRONG with the Anna Lee Lawson Comedy Hour @ The Next Stage Theatre 11PM $5.

4) OPEN MIC RUN: HOLLYWOOD STUDIO BAR & GRILL 6122 W. Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA/Sign-up 5:30PM/Starts 6PM, THE SPOT CAFE 4455 Overland Ave., Culver City, CA/Sign-up (lottery) 7PM, THE LIBRARY: A COFFEE HOUSE 3418 E. Broadway, Long Beach, CA/Sign-up 7:30PM/Starts 8PM, CAFE ON 2ND 7 S. 2nd st., Alhambra, CA/Sign-up 7PM/Starts 7:30PM/$3 cover/10 min. guaranteed, MARTY’S/THE OPEN MIC 7351 W. Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA (walk up Martel past Big Mama’s and Papa’s)/5PM to 11PM/$5/multiple sets allowed

5) The lovely and talented Kate Micucci of Garfunkel and Oates just dropped her solo album Phone Home (don’t worry, Garfunkel and Oates are still together), which I highly suggest that you check out/buy/download/support/listen to when you really need to smile. You can do so right here.

6) The Comedy Bureau “Tips Its Hat” today to DAVEY JOHNSON-“@DrDavey I’m 8% clever, and 93% stupid.” Davey Johnson is a whirlwind of comedy in LA that definitely needs to be seen live to really experience the full force of hilarity. Performing routinely with some of the best sketch groups in LA, which includes his own “The Doorknockers” with the also amazing Randy Liedtke featured weekly at “The Tomorrow Show w/Ron Lynch”, Davey Johnson “rolls with it” in the best way possible. You can see Davey tonight in the aforementioned Birds of Prey @ Steve Allen Theater 8PM $5 and at The Second Annual Best Doorknockers Christmas Pageant Ever @ The Steve Allen Theater Thurs. Dec. 16th 8PM $10. Also, you can follow Davey on Twitter here.

7) From the “You Should Have Been There” Lagoon: Doug Stanhope’s Comedy Death Camp

8) Donating blood leaves you sleepy and most likely unable to live tweet about it or subsequently laugh about it. Avoid this situation by donating and following the Comedy Bureau.

9) Sometimes I feel so close to getting somewhere in comedy, which always seems to be accompanied by the feeling of going completely broke.

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Morning Debriefing 11/10/10

1) The Big Trouble in Little Tokyo Open Mic @ Señor Fish was one hell of a destructive/fun time!!! Thanks to everyone who came out and we’re only going to wreak more havoc next week (as long as we keep the building intact)! Next one’s Tues. Nov. 16th Sign-up @ 6:30PM, Starts @ 7PM. 422 E. 1st St., Los Angeles, CA (Little Tokyo).

2) This edition of tonight’s COMEDY CRAWL brought to you by a brief foray into sanity as I actually got some sleep last night. Let’s RUIN that with some F’N GREAT COMEDY starting off with “If This Doesn’t Work I’m Moving Home” Variety Hour @ Harlem Place Cafe 8PM FREE, then go to Bay Hilarea @ Hollywood Improv 8PM $14/2 item min., then going to The Meltdown @ Meltdown Comics 8:30PM $8, then going to Ed Galvez’s Punk House @ Westside Comedy Theatre 9PM $8, then Beer in the Shower @ Whitehorse Inn Cocktail Lounge 10PM FREE, then Music Jam w/Garfunkel & Oates @ Hollywood Laugh Factory 10PM $20/2 item min., and The Jesse Miller Talk Show @ Next Stage Theatre 11PM $5, AND Hot Toddy @ iO West 11PM $5. Yeah, I won’t be sleeping tonight and enjoying every minute of it.

3) PARKING. I have mentioned it before, but it’s such a pressing problem among the comedy community here in LA. In general, LA Parking Enforcement harasses the average citizen daily with annoying parking tickets for being in a passenger loading zone at 1AM that sometimes can be the tipping point to a violent rampage (I’ve never succumb to such urges). As performers who largely work for FREE that depend on any any and every piece of stage time they can get and largely cannot afford a collection of parking tickets, available free parking is a scarce resource. This should not be the case and I would push for some form of a Performers Exemption Parking Permit or something to avoid driving around in circles for 30 min. to wait 2 hours to do 6 min. on stage. SOMETHING MUST BE DONE!!!

4) Yeah.. Rory Scovel was on Jimmy Fallon last night. Here he is again.

5) In addition to updating the Comedy Bureau Maps soon, the Comedy Bureau will soon bring all of you LA Comedy denizens a Podcast Roll and a Featured Videos so it will be even easier to find all the ridiculously, absurdly, funny stuff archived in the Comedy Bureau storage.

6) The “don’t-call-my-bluff-even-though-have-nothing-whatsoever-to-back-it-up-so-please-just-give-in-for-my-sake-cause-you-guys-like-me” angle: Donate to the Comedy Bureau or the cat gets it! Donate!

7) Never go it completely alone in comedy. You’re suicide jokes will become too real or you’ll become fake. Thanks to all my friends/family/supporters/fans for keeping me going. Really, with all sincerity, thank you.

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