two milk minimum – The Comedy Bureau

Morning Debriefing 12/18/10

1) Jokes from the Underground @ The Hollywood Improv Lab is simply the start of something good. Within the bounds of Hollywood where you can literally walk from one comedy venue to another, Jokes from the Underground manages to distinguish itself from just being another straight stand up show as one of the show’s producers Orlando Bishop told me that he wanted to have a show that no matter the circumstances, he and show producer/host Ed Greer would just enjoy the show themselves. The idea of booking a live comedy show based actually on who is legitimately funny and who will actually entertain any audience is seemingly becoming one of those “novel ideas”. Thus, there was a great variety of performers from all of the “sub-scenes” in comedy around LA county and beyond, which, as the show’s name suggests, proves that there are plenty of fantastic comics who don’t have a single TV credit that can “leave the place in a heap of dust” after their set. With such integrity in putting a comedy show together, Orlando and Ed actually got people to fight through traffic, rain, Christmas parties to actually have an audience on this first edition of Jokes from the Underground, which made it for a splendid evening both as an audience member and as one of the performers. Such a notion is yet another “novel concept”. With host Ed Greer living up to his Twitter handle @EdGreerDestroys, the intimate crowd at the Improv Lab enjoyed the likes of Zach Ames, Gabbriella Gatto, Gail Gramlich, Scott Bowser, Orlando Bishop, Charles Allen, Plug McEnroe, Jake Kroeger (yeah, that’s me, if you haven’t figured that out by now), and Paul Danke. It’s a line-up that shouldn’t be missed no matter how “underground” it is. Jokes From the Underground will be on one Friday a month at the Hollywood Improv Lab 8:30PM $5. Check back at the Comedy Bureau for details on the next one.

2) Tonight’s COMEDY CRAWL will probably be better than most Christmas gifts I get. This will be especially true if it’s another round of gift baskets from Hickory Farms and the actual bottom of the bargain bin at Best Buy. Start with Two Milk Minimum @ Flappers Burbank 12:30PM $10/2 item min., then go to Space Boners Christmas Spectacular @ Silverlake Lounge 7PM FREE, then Adam Carolla @ Irvine Improv 7PM/9PM $30/2 item min., then Bill Burr @ Brea Improv 7PM/9PM $20/2 item min., then This American Mistake @ Meltdown Comics 8PM $5, then Comediaplex @ Westside Comedy Theatre 9PM $10, then ASSSSCAT @ UCB Theatre 8PM $10, then Paul F. Tompkins Show @ Largo at the Coronet Theatre 8:30PM $25 SOLD OUT (in case you needed to know), then The Annual Christmas Sweater & Mustache Party @ The World Famous Comedy Garage 9PM Party 10PM Show FREE, then Hook-Up w/Ron Lynch @ Steve Allen Theater MIDNIGHT $8.

3) OPEN MIC RUN: SAL’S COMEDY HOLE 7356 Melrose Ave., Los Angeles, CA/Starts 6PM/one item min., WESTSIDE ECLETIC 1323-A 3rd St., Santa Monica, CA (in alley between 3rd and 4th St.)/Sign-Up 6PM/Starts 6:30PM, SUNSET GRILL 7439 W. Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA/Starts 7PM/one item min., MARTY’S/THE OPEN MIC 7351 W. Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA/5PM to 11PM/$5/multiple sets allowed.

4) Trick in LA Times. Seriously. If you were expecting a “PSYCHE!” here, you obviously don’t know what Brandie Posey’s and Emily Maya Mills’ Trick @ Bordello Bar 8PM FREE has in store. Read and find out WHY DON’T YA!?!

5) The Big Trouble in Little Tokyo Open Mic doesn’t take a holiday (mostly because we didn’t land on one). Next Tuesday, we have a special guest performance in THE LOVELY AND UPROARIOUS MARIANNE SIERK!!! Dec. 21st/Sign-up 6:30PM/Starts 7PM/Happy Hour until 9PM/You will FEEL empty for the rest of your life if you miss it/not really.

5) The Comedy Bureau “Tips Its Hat” today to EDDIE PEPITONE-“@eddiepepitone Greatest achievements- I once made a small lie into a crisis so big that I had to get plastic surgery done and relocate.” Eddie is in consideration nearly every day for a “Tip of the Hat” and it’s no surprise why as he’s one of the funniest people I have ever seen, which is why this is his second “Tip of the Hat”. From him yelling about people in Glendale to doing impressions of lounge singers that have Vietnam flashbacks, LA’s lucky to have Eddie Pepitone around. SO GO CHECK HIS WEBSITE and please, please, please follow him on Twitter.

6) From the You Should Have Been There Lagoon: Doug Stanhope-This Generation Sucks

7) Wonder where the Comedy Bureau’s going to be? Follow us/me on Twitter because we don’t have a Comedy Bureau “Light” and if you want one, donate here.

8) Sorry fo any typos that you may read here. In trying towrite and perform and do everything that you need to keep afloat in LA Comedy. I’minalittleofarush sometimes. T’anks for reading.

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Morning Debriefing 12/4/10

1) ON THE SUBJECT OF HECKLERS (part 1), the Comedy Bureau would like to educate the general public that heckling is not a behavior that is in ANY way acceptable no matter what your set of circumstances you happen to be coming from. It’s not a way to make the show more fun or as some “brilliant” people I’ve overheard say, “I’m helping them.” At a comedy show, as an audience member, you are meant to sit and keep quiet and listen OR if you’re not into what’s being said, have enough respect for the person on stage trying to perform their act in what is (surprise surprise people that don’t think so) one of the hardest art forms ever conceived. There is a discrepancy when the show is at a venue where the audience did not come for the show, but simply to hang out at a bar with their friends and are subsequently being “subjected” to comedy. Even in this case, you always have the option of not listening. With that all being said, if you are a person who came to see the show WITH THE INTENTION of heckling, you are UNDENIABLE PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR A HUMAN BEING. In last night’s case, I had to deal with one of these “I am Heckler” types and realized that there’s a sadistic nature about the whole exchange. This person wants me to fail, to see me unravel as a performer, as if that is the way he will feel good about himself (sidenote: I don’t unravel. I deal with it and if you push me far enough, I’ll verbally rip you into enough shreds for confetti at New Year’s; ask Bobby Kern). As the show was at an “AA room”, I had reasoned that the guy felt like he earned the “privilege” to heckle as he was in AA and had as a common phrase among that crowd “been through a lot of shit”. Especially since the show was formatted to follow the AA meeting and we, the comedians, were not holding anyone “hostage”, I don’t care if you just came from a funeral; If you came to see the show, then simply don’t heckle. As comedians, whether we do this for a living or not, this is “work” for us and I will never go to the business where you are currently employed and say, “Did they warn you about us?” This concludes Part 1 of ON THE SUBJECT OF HECKLERS.

2) Steve-O is still headlining the Irvine Improv this weekend for whatever reason. For those of you that like to retain brain cells/your soul, go on tonight’s COMEDY CRAWL Two Milk Minimum @ Flappers YooHoo 12:30PM $10/2 item min., then Battleship Pretension @ Meltdown Comics 8PM $5, then The Thrilling Adventure Hour @ Largo 8PM $25, then The Twelve Shiny Nickels Show @ The Fake Gallery 11PM $5/21 and over, The Midnight Show @ UCB Theatre MIDNIGHT $5 (stand by only), then Tomorrow!!! w/Ron Lynch presents Crapshoot! @ Steve Allen Theater MIDNIGHT $8, and finish the night with your fist raised in the air a la John Carlos for supporting comedy that actually comedy, then actually good.

3) OPEN MIC RUN: ICE HOUSE OPEN AUDITIONS 24 N. Mentor Ave./Starts 4PM, WESTSIDE COMEDY THEATRE 1323-A 3rd St. Promenade, Santa Monica (in alley between 3rd St. and 4th St.)/Sign-up (lottery) 6PM/Starts 6:30PM./3-5 min., SUNSET GRILL 7439 W. Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA/Starts 7PM, MARTY’S/THE OPEN MIC 7351 W. Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA (walk up Martel past Big Mama’s and Papa’s)/5PM to 11PM/$5/multiple sets allowed.

4) Good news for all decent people around the world that aren’t the aforementioned “I am Heckler” types: Matt Braunger along with Brent Forrester (writer/producer on The Office) has just gotten a pilot order from Comedy Central!!! Check out more details here and the Comedy Bureau will keep you updated on its progress in development.

5) The wonderful duo of Garfunkel and Oates are both amazing and delightful. However, I think they would be amazing, delightful, and life-changing if they performed in my living room. I can’t afford that, but maybe you can by auctioning for a private show from Garfunkel and Oates right here. This is life-changing because it’s Garfunkel and Oates in the privacy of your own home AND all proceeds go to the Los Angeles Regional Food Bank.

6) The Comedy Bureau “Tips Its Hat” today to JIM HAMILTON-“@Jim_Hamilton With the stage covered in blood and lady halves, Boris realized why there aren’t more open mics for magicians.” Jim Hamilton gets the distinction of being the first person to get a second “Tip of the Hat” and with all of the beyond clever one-liners he has, Jim definitely deserves it. You can see him perform live and for FREE at one of the best shows in town this Tuesday, Dec. 7th at Holy Fuck! in the Downtown Independent Theatre (251 S. Main St., Los Angeles, CA) 9PM. I’ll probably say this several times throughout the course of the life of the Comedy Bureau: follow Jim Hamilton on Twitter here.

7) From the “You Should Have Been There” Lagoon-Bill Hicks’ Worst Gig Ever

8) If you missed the tweeting storm the Comedy Bureau had last night, check it out “open mic genius” quotes, etc. here and then donate because I drove from Long Beach to East LA to Fullerton to Garden Grove to Hollywood and back to Long Beach for comedy meaning all of you.

9) So in just over a month, 104 people like The Comedy Bureau on Facebook, 64 people follow The Comedy Bureau on Twitter, and 43 people follow us/really just me on Tumblr. Thanks everyone for reading and all the support because it’s only going to get better (especially if I make any money at this).

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Morning Debriefing 11/27/10

1) I have to give credit once more to Shayne Michael and the energy he has put back into the iCandy open mic/K.A.S. Comedy Etc. Show. With being one of the longest running open mics in the LA area, iCandy/Coffee Haven has seen its share of highs and lows and with a new sound system and a revitalized format that keeps a good energy about the room (i.e. booked show, raffles, etc.), comics who go to iCandy can expect to actually work on their material, which is the purpose of an open mic.

2) What better way to get into the holiday spirit than going to a run of shows that include the words: milk, asssscat, boners, back room, and family. THUS, don’t miss tonight’s COMEDY CRAWL with Two Milk Minimum @ Flappers Burbank 12:30PM $10/2 item min., then Space Boners Gives Thanks! @ Silverlake Lounge 7PM FREE, then ASSSSCAT @ UCB Theatre 8PM $10 (stand by only), then The Back Room @ UCB Theatre 10PM $10, and finish with Ron Lynch and Craig Anton host a Tomorrow! Family Thanksgiving @ Steve Allen Theater MIDNIGHT $8.

3) OPEN MIC RUN: LAUNDROMIC 1054 Vine St. Los Angeles, CA/Starts 4PM, WESTSIDE COMEDY THEATRE 1323-A 3rd St (in alley between 3rd and 4th)/Sign-up (lottery) 6PM/Starts 6:30PM/3-5 min., SUNSET GRILL 7439 W. Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA/Starts 7PM, MARTY’S/THE OPEN MIC 7351 W. Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA (walk up Martel past Big Mama’s and Papa’s)/5PM to 11PM/$5 cover/multiple sets allowed.

4) As it was brought to my attention, even though I knew I needed to get around to it, the “Bureau Approved” page is updated again with a section for shows and open mics. Also, the “Calendars” page got updated with Comedy Store Line-ups and link directly to the Largo Calendar. I might be running out of ways to make this easier for you guys… I’m just sayin’.

5) The Comedy Bureau “Tips Its Hat” today to PAUL DANKE “@pauldanke every black friday, I get up early, go to best buy, and when the doors open. I rob the shit out of people’s cars. #IPODSFOREVERYONE” When not chilling back in his jean jacket, Paul Danke absolutely rips it on stage. According to several sources, Danke closed out the Holy Fuck! One Year Anniversary like a hero, which is certainly no surprise to the Comedy Bureau. Going up all around town as well as his own fantastic show The Comedy Garage (run with Cornell Reid and Sean Green), Paul has definitely earned his praise for his stand-up as well as doing featured blogging for FunnyorDie.com. You can witness Paul Danke tomorrow at French Toast @ Taix 8:30PM FREE or on his blog The Art of Coming Off Casual or his amazing Twitter.

6) From the “You Should Have Been There” Lagoon: Michael Keaton does Stand-up

7) Donate here. Live Tweeting here. Donate here. Live Tweeting here. (insert catchy jingle that’s so catchy you would actually do either or both of the two)

8) On the subject of handling hecklers: Why is there the type of heckler who interrupts your set and then applauds and congratulates you after you yell at him for 4 minutes ripping him to shreds as a person? There should be a new subcategory of psychological disorders in DSM IV that addresses this.

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Morning Debriefing 11/20/10

1) Comedy Car Hole @ The Comedy Car Hole has been going for more than 7 years and last night was proof of why. With a tightly run, showcase-style, 90 min. show, the 60+ people in attendance having a great time in the back porch in front of someone’s of garage should give anyone with enough drive, passion, talent, intermittent bits of insanity to build a show wherever they can build one. Doug O. Perkins and Ryan Wise actually make their garage as much of a real venue as they possibly can with comfy seating, a “VIP Lounge”, and a legitimate stage with a legitimate curtain and cleverly built Comedy Car Hole sign. Last night’s crowd, which stuck around even with a slight mist of rain in the air, got to enjoy the likes of Steve Benaquist, Kat Radley, and even Comedy Bureau favorites Lizzy Cooperman and The Walsh Brothers. The Comedy Car Hole is once a month literally in a garage near Santa Monica and is completely free. Check back at the Comedy Bureau for the next one.

2) Trinity Open Mic @ Trinity Baptist Church in Santa Monica might sound like one “hell” of an intimidating open mic (OK, the pun was kind of intended). Actually, I have to admit that it was pretty great. All those elements that comedians hate about open mics such as people not listening/caring, the house lights being on or all the light beings completely off, etc. are almost non-existent here. Being in a church basement at 8PM, no one is really being held hostage for the show and thus, people want to listen to what you have to say. As it is a church, you do have to work squeaky clean, but most everything I heard music/comedy/spoken word wise was pretty “secular”. Also, there’s food for a small donation. Though, again, you have to work clean, I’d say this is another “bureau-approved” open mic. Trinity Open Mic is every 1st and 3rd Friday at 8PM in Trinity Baptist Church, 1015 California Ave., Santa Monica, CA.

3) There’s actually a Harry Potter based show that, like it’s filmic inspiration, is sold out and has only stand-by available, but that shouldn’t stop you from some other great shows around town where you won’t have to talk about how you have never read the books and your possible lack of childhood, etc. (is that just me?) Anyways, tonight’s COMEDY CRAWL goes a little something like this: start off early with Two Milk Minimum @ Flappers Burbank 12:30PM $10/2 item min., then go to ASSSSCAT @ UCB Theatre 8PM $10 (stand-by only), then go to Paul F. Tompkins Show @ Largo 8:30PM $25, then go to Comediaplex @ Westside Comedy Theatre 9PM $10, then Satuday Night Special @ Flappers-Burbank YooHoo Room 9:30PM $10/2 drink min., then Harry Potter and the Hogwarts Talent Show @ UCB Theatre 10PM $10 (stand-by only), then The Twelve Shiny Nickels Show @ The Fake Gallery 11PM $5, then Comedy Garage Thanksgiving CHARITY Bonanza! @ The World Famous Comedy Garage 9PM-Party/Show 11PM FREE, then Ron Lynch’s Tomorrow presents the Time Machine Show @ The Steve Allen Theater MIDNIGHT $8.

4) OPEN MIC RUN: WESTSIDE COMEDY THEATRE 1323-A 3rd St. Promenade, Santa Monica (in alley between 3rd. and 4th)/Sign-up (lottery) 6PM/Starts 6:30PM, SAL’S COMEDY HOLE 7356 Melrose Ave. (at Fuller)/6:30PM/one item min., SUNSET GRILL 7439 W. Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA/7PM, MARTY’S/THE OPEN MIC 7351 W. Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA (walk up Martel past Big Mama’s and Papa’s)/5PM to 11PM/$5 cover/multiple sets allowed.

5) Kyle Kinane is a comedic genius, another label the Comedy Bureau doesn’t use lightly, ON THE RISE who has been cast in sketches as a rapist and now most recently on Lopez Tonight, a racist stoner. Check it out here.

6) The Comedy Bureau “Tips Its Hat” to the one and only Barbara Gray. “@BabsGray Hey guys, what should I eat for lunch? Subway or the barrel of a shotgun?”. Recently, Lionsgate just went with ahead with her short script, and, up ahead, she’s hosting What’s Up Tiger Lily? this week and has her own wonderfully named show Space Boners @ Silverlake Lounge coming up next Saturday 11/27. Follow her on twitter here or at her blog here.

7) From one garage with comedy to another…. Guess where the Comedy Bureau’s going to be? Well… First, at an open mic in a franchise coffee shop, then the Comedy Garage. Follow all the LIVE TWEETING here.

8) If I’ve already gone with the “jedi hand wave” to get you to donate to the Comedy Bureau, I’m invoking it again (imagine it happening right when you’re reading this), so you forget that I might have already done it once and THEN you’ll donate. Please give if you’re willing and able (jedi hand wave again) here.

9) Don’t judge comedy too quickly, unless it starts off “So I’m half…..”. That’s when I’m half on my way to doing something like this.

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