We’re not even sure how to play the game having watched it, but we can tell you that amazing sketch group Dead Kevin has definitely found one of the best/worst card games that people can play.
Watch to see their hilarious, but mysterious card game in action here.
1) Jon Stewart literally on Fox News.
2) The Pod F. Tompkast Comedy Lightbox-This is what SkyMall should be pushing.
3) In honor’s of Father’s Day and Jackie Kashian’s Dad…
4) Concert film seeks Christian comic (or even a comic who happens to be Christian).
5) Jesse Miller Day Dream-It’s weird that I have to qualify this video like this, but, really, it’s worth the 47 seconds.
6) What Dan Harmon and Co. think of the universe of Will Smith
7) The Americans for Fairness in Awarding Journalism Prizes believes the Onion deserves a Pulitzer. SUPPORT THEIR CAUSE!!! [via Huffington Post]
8) Father’s Day Cards that should be on Hallmark Shelves
“Think of how great you’d feel if you weren’t paying child support. Happy Father’s Day.” –Jeremy Paul
“Happy Father’s Day, thanks for leaving when I was four years old.”
–Johnny Gold
“When I was a kid, I had one of those nets you throw a baseball against and it bounces it back to you. Happy Father’s Day to that net.”
–Morgan Murphy
9) COMEDY CRAWL
The Long Shot Podcast @ UCB Theatre 6PM $5
ASSSSCAT @ UCB Theatre 7:30PM FREE
Rob Christensen Album Taping @ Fanatic Salon 7:30PM FREE
Re-Animator @ Steve Allen Theater 8PM $30
French Toast @ Taix 8:30PM FREE
Top Story Weekly! w/Andrés Du Bouchet and the Walsh Brothers @ iO West 9PM $5
Powerviolence @ The Complex 9PM FREE
Celebrity @ UCB Theatre 9:30PM $5 (stand by only)
Shitty Jobs @ UCB Theatre 11PM $5 (stand by only)
10) OPEN MIC RUN
PALMS 8572 Santa Monica Blvd., West Hollywood, CA/Starts 6PM/lottery
SAL’S COMEDY HOLE 7356 Melrose Ave., Hollywood, CA/Starts 6PM/$4 min./first come, first served
NERDIST THEATRE 7522 W. Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA (back room of Meltdown Comics)/Sign-up 7:15PM/Starts 7:30PM/lottery/30 spots available/no purchase necessary
TSUNAMEDY @ TRIBAL CAFE 1651 W. Temple St., Los Angeles, CA (Echo Park)/Sign-up 8PM/Starts 9PM/first come, first served/mixed mic
MARTY’S/THE OPEN MIC 7351 W. Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA (walk up Martel past Big Mama’s and Papa’s)/5PM to 11PM/$5/multiple sets allowed/bottled water and coffee available
11) If we had a podcast, would anyone listen? (Also, this is a test to see who reads this far down the post)
Report 00189
THE COMEDY BUREAU/@thecomedybureau
GET WELL SOON
This is the worst “Get Well Soon” card I have ever seen. Here’s how it would go down in reality.
Gary the Coworker: Heard you weren’t feeling well, so we took up a huge collection for you.
Sick Worker: Oh wow, really? That was really nice of you. I haven’t been doing too good lately. This was really thoughtful.
Gary: You now have the largest supply of staples, thumbtacks, sticky notes, printer paper, rubber bands, erasers, and papers clips in the entire office.
Silence.
Sick Worker: Serious?
Gary: Yeah, funny huh?
Sick Worker: Your “huge” collection for me is just random office supplies.
Gary: Uh, yeah. Haha.
Sick Worker: You realize I have lymphoma, right?
Gary: What?
Sick Worker: Lymphoma. It’s a cancer that attacks the lymphatic cells in the immune system. It’s extremely painful and it turns out our health insurance doesn’t cover chemo.
Gary: Oh.
Sick Worker: And your grand gesture was to raid the supply closet and give me staples and thumbtacks.
Gary: And printer paper.
Sick Worker: First of all, you know I’m the one responsible for keeping track of office supplies, so fuck you. Second of all, these aren’t even new office supplies. Rubber bands mixed in with paper clips? Oh I can’t wait to spend my afternoons detangling all these while I sit here with lymphoma.
Gary: We just thought it would be funny…
Sick Worker: Oh yeah, fucking hilarious Gary. Remember when your car broke down and no one else would drive you home to the westside even though I live around the corner? And then I came back in the morning to pick you up?
Gary: Yeah.
Sick Worker: And remember how I always end up paying for your coffee because at Brewster it’s cash only and you never seem to carry cash. Sooo fucking annoying by the way.
Gary: My wife doesn’t let me keep a debit card…
Sick Worker: And how do you repay me?! You go around the entire office and ask everyone to part with their precious office supplies.
Gary: We weren’t trying to be mean.
Sick Worker: Oh what we’re you trying to be? Nice? You think it’s nice to give someone with cancer an eraser? What do you want me to be Gary? Gracious?! Ohhhhh thank for the precious thumbtacks and printer paper. I’m so glad you didn’t get me an iTunes gift card or something I could actually use, but these wonderful office supplies which is sooooo helpful considering how much office work I’ve been doing from bed. From my bed of cancer.
Gary: Ok we get it, you don’t like jokes.
Sick Worker: Oh I like jokes Gary, but I also like jokes that have a little bit of tact. For instance, I’ve never made fun of your giant thumbs.
Gary: What?!
Gary looks down at his thumbs. They are very large. (Honestly, check them out above in the picture. They’re huge.)
Sick Worker: Everyone in the office makes fun of them, but I never have. Do you realize how hard it is to not make fun of them? Look at them! Who has thumbs like that? They look like they ate your other fingers.
Gary: Now you’re being a jerk. I have a condition.
Sick Worker: Ohhh a condition, really? Well then here’s a box of shitty office supplies. Get well soon.
Gary turns and walks away. Remorse rushes over the face of the sick worker.
Sick Worker: Uhhh, Gary.
Gary slowly turns around.
Gary: What.
Coworker: I’m sorry… I forgot to say fuck you again. Fuck you.
The sick worker fires a rubber band hitting Gary squarely in the head.
———————————————————————————
But Ron this is a humourous greeting card. Of course no one would do this in real life.
Exactly! The worst part about this card is that it’s just a card. You don’t even get any office supplies. Even if they were unorganized, phyiscal office supplies are better than imaginary office supplies. Instead of “Get Well Soon”, this card should just read:
“Hey you, you sick? Think of a shitty gift. Ok now pretend we gave it to you. Oh and fuck you. Love, your crappy coworkers.”
Comedian Ron Babcock taking unnecessary cards down a notch.
Comediennes Barbara Gray and Whitney Teubner show you how to not play cards and/or break startling news.