vinyl record

There is such a proliferation of comedy on a daily basis thanks to the Internet and all of its tendrils (YouTube, Instagram, Twitter, TikTok, podcasts, Substack, OnlyFans), making it harder and harder to stand out from the ever burgeoning population of folks in some sort of comedy lane.

That said, it’s not impossible and Dave Ross and Chris Chriswell prove that today with their tiny 4 in. vinyl record aptly named Almost Nothing.

It qualifies as an EP with more than three songs and coming under 30 minutes with four podcast themes of shows that Dave started during lockdown as well as a great two minute joke by Dave. The entire running time of Almost Nothing makes it, to our knowledge, the second shortest comedy album of all time (the shortest record goes to Jarrod Alonge’s far too long How To Pronounce Band Names: Warped Tour Edition). However, the physical size of the record and the fact that Dave and Chris actually had it physically pressed and that the podcast theme songs and Dave’s going-to-the-gym joke are actually worth way more than than the four minutes and change you’d actually spend listening to it.

Also, Dave made a whole, thoroughly entertaining page for the album with the URL: nothing.guns.beer.

The layers of what we think of as a comedy artifact and an album and a joke are kind of beautifully hysterical and you can (and should) buy Almost Nothing here.

Oh, if you’re the streaming type Dave adds, “OR IF YOU JUST WANNA HEAR THE TRACKS, PLEASE STREAM THEM! THE ALBUM IS PAY-WHAT-YOU-WANT ON BANDCAMP, SO YOU CAN DOWNLOAD FOR FREE, OR PAY US A CENT OR TWO, OR PAY US A BILLION DOLLARS. IF YOU ARE JEFF BEZOS, PLEASE PAY US A BILLION DOLLARS. IT’S ALSO ON THE BIG BAD APPS LIKE SPOTIFY AND APPLE MUSIC CUZ WE ALL HAVE THOSE, WE CAN’T HELP IT, EVEN THOUGH WE HATE IT, I’M SORRY THE WORLD IS LIKE THIS.”