Shit Comedians Say When They “Bomb”

Look, we know that you’re tired of this “Shit [ ] Says” meme, but this post isn’t a “Oh, that stereotype really does say that all the time, thus I should laugh at it.” What comedians say when they bomb, sans meme, is pretty hilarious. 

Also, we didn’t make a video, so this is even easier to skip… you’re welcome.

“Man, I ate a dick up there.”

“I sure bit a hard dick up there.”

“Wow, did I just eat a whole lot of dicks.”

“Welp, just shit the bed on that one.”

“It was like a whole bucket of dicks I just chomped through.”

“I think I just had to eat a dick sandwich for that one.”

“Can I quit comedy yet?”

“I think I just broke the world record for eating dick on stage.”

“I’m just going to go kill myself now with pavement and a bus.”

“Better throw that bed out for how much shit I just dumped into it.”

“I’ll never get to do this show again because of the dick I just ate.”

“Man, fuck stupid people.”

“Fuck these people and their happiness.”

“Fuck these hipsters.”

“So, thousands of dollars in debt, dead end job, and I just ate a dick on stage. Great.”

“Fuck all those attractive motherfuckers.”

“Fuck all these ugly motherfuckers.”

“Why do I do comedy again?”

“What, we can’t joke about 9/11 all of sudden?”

“That one guy. FUCK that guy.”

“Please someone shotgun me to the face right now.”

“I just couldn’t stop eating a dick up there.”

“That was good, right?”