Look, we know that you’re tired of this “Shit [ ] Says” meme, but this post isn’t a “Oh, that stereotype really does say that all the time, thus I should laugh at it.” What comedians say when they bomb, sans meme, is pretty hilarious.
Also, we didn’t make a video, so this is even easier to skip… you’re welcome.
“Man, I ate a dick up there.”
“I sure bit a hard dick up there.”
“Wow, did I just eat a whole lot of dicks.”
“Welp, just shit the bed on that one.”
“It was like a whole bucket of dicks I just chomped through.”
“I think I just had to eat a dick sandwich for that one.”
“Can I quit comedy yet?”
“I think I just broke the world record for eating dick on stage.”
“I’m just going to go kill myself now with pavement and a bus.”
“Better throw that bed out for how much shit I just dumped into it.”
“I’ll never get to do this show again because of the dick I just ate.”
“Man, fuck stupid people.”
“Fuck these people and their happiness.”
“Fuck these hipsters.”
“So, thousands of dollars in debt, dead end job, and I just ate a dick on stage. Great.”
“Fuck all those attractive motherfuckers.”
“Fuck all these ugly motherfuckers.”
“Why do I do comedy again?”
“What, we can’t joke about 9/11 all of sudden?”
“That one guy. FUCK that guy.”
“Please someone shotgun me to the face right now.”
“I just couldn’t stop eating a dick up there.”
“That was good, right?”