Quincy Jones’ dream coming true is about to be complete tonight as a recently hour stand-up special shot in the face of being diagnosed terminal cancer almost a year earlier will make its debut on HBO tonight.
Be sure to watch it tonight (or on HBO NOW or HBO GO as soon as it starts streaming there) .
Amazing printed comedy magazine, RE:COM, is now taking submissions for their next issue. They’re looking for anything in 600 words or less about “doing the work” as a comedian and enjoying success or starting to come up through the ranks.
The Comedy Bureau “Tips Its Hat” this week to PETE HOLMES.
Forget, only for a moment, about Pete Holmes killing it on Conan or John Oliver’s NY Stand Up Show on Comedy Central. If you live in Portland or were so lucky to go there last month and got to catch him at the Bridgetown Comedy Festival just slaying audiences left and right like it was just another day at work, again, for a moment, forget all of that.
Comedian Pete Holmes is so funny that he can kill at breakfast. Now, to some of you, that might not be all that impressive, but a breakfast amongst comedians and myself can be a pretty tough crowd. Actually, one of the things I hate most is people trying to run bits or improv off each other after a show when I’m just trying to enjoy some late night breakfast. I don’t need to hear, “What are you Willy Loman over here? Enjoying your last cup before finding you need to buy a new fridge?”
Yet, Holmes has gotten to a point where being funny isn’t a matter of switching it on or off. The point is: he is just funny all the time. Whatever the situation, Holmes brings the laughs. I’ve seen him drop in on late shows where people are tired and want to go home, I’ve seen him follow complete wrecks, and I’ve even seen Pete perform in someone’s living room beneath a broken light and have the audience rolling in laughter.
Combining an uncanny likeability as soon as he takes the stage, incredibly clever writing, and a pure fun delivery, Holmes has more than earned praise from his contemporaries such as Kyle Kinane, in a recent interview with the Comedy Bureau, calling Pete his own “anti-depressant”. Much of Holmes’ comedic genius is due to discipline in writing. Every idea, premise, etc. that he has, he writes down, no matter where he is. If he riffs on stage, you’ll be sure to find Holmes writing down notes right after the show about what worked.
That’s why, and now you can remember all those things I said to forget, Holmes is on TVs and stages across America, writes for the New Yorker and NBC, has a web series on Atom.com, Kid Farm, co-written with Jamie Lee, making people laugh. Follow him on Twitter @peteholmez and check out his site www.peteholmes.com. Also, you can catch him this Thursday May 19th at the always stupendous Super Serious Show at Smashbox Studios in Culver City 7PM; tickets here.
4) “All awards shows are bullshit made up clubs where people decide to give each other prizes. So, I want to thank Comedy Central for saying, ‘we could do that, we could give each other prizes.”-Tina Fey about the Comedy Awards/Reason the Comedy Bureau thinks that such awards shows really shouldn’t be broadcasted ever
6) OPEN MIC RUN RED ROCK 8782 W. Sunset Blvd., West Hollywood, CA/Starts 7PM/multiple sets allowed/$5 min. CLUB 705 705 Pier Ave., Hermosa Beach, CA/Starts 7PM-ish JAKE’S 38 W. Colorado Blvd., Pasadena, CA/Sign-up (lottery) 7:30PM/Starts 8PM TRIBAL CAFE 1651 W. Temple St., Los Angeles, CA (Echo Park)/Starts 8PM/call (213) 483-4458 GROUND ZERO USC 615 Childs Way, Los Angeles, CA/USC Campus/Nestled between 3 dormitories approximately a block away from the intersection of Figueroa and Exposition/USC student sign-up 9PM/non-USC-student sign-up 9:15/Starts 9:30PM
7) So Comedy Central is 20 years old. Subtracting the 170 days we’ve been live, the Comedy Bureau has just over 7000 days to reach the same prominence.
I once met a girl at party. She came home with me and sex happened. We fell asleep, then at some point in the night, I awoke and slipped out of bed. I started feeling around in the dark until I found her purse. In her purse, I found her keys. With her still sleeping, I took the keys and left my…
I wish this was a daily feature called, “Ohhh, Jim Hamilton…”
so the fellows at @wesingyourtweet, fittingly enough, sing selected tweets that they enjoy. they gave mine the musical treatment, and i quite like how it turned out. (the dude in the back with the walter sobchak aviators really nails that harmony)
This is the worst “Get Well Soon” card I have ever seen. Here’s how it would go down in reality.
Gary the Coworker: Heard you weren’t feeling well, so we took up a huge collection for you.
Sick Worker: Oh wow, really? That was really nice of you. I haven’t been doing too good lately. This was really thoughtful.
Gary: You now have the largest supply of staples, thumbtacks, sticky notes, printer paper, rubber bands, erasers, and papers clips in the entire office.
Silence.
Sick Worker: Serious?
Gary: Yeah, funny huh?
Sick Worker: Your “huge” collection for me is just random office supplies.
Gary: Uh, yeah. Haha.
Sick Worker: You realize I have lymphoma, right?
Gary: What?
Sick Worker: Lymphoma. It’s a cancer that attacks the lymphatic cells in the immune system. It’s extremely painful and it turns out our health insurance doesn’t cover chemo.
Gary: Oh.
Sick Worker: And your grand gesture was to raid the supply closet and give me staples and thumbtacks.
Gary: And printer paper.
Sick Worker: First of all, you know I’m the one responsible for keeping track of office supplies, so fuck you. Second of all, these aren’t even new office supplies. Rubber bands mixed in with paper clips? Oh I can’t wait to spend my afternoons detangling all these while I sit here with lymphoma.
Gary: We just thought it would be funny…
Sick Worker: Oh yeah, fucking hilarious Gary. Remember when your car broke down and no one else would drive you home to the westside even though I live around the corner? And then I came back in the morning to pick you up?
Gary: Yeah.
Sick Worker: And remember how I always end up paying for your coffee because at Brewster it’s cash only and you never seem to carry cash. Sooo fucking annoying by the way.
Gary: My wife doesn’t let me keep a debit card…
Sick Worker: And how do you repay me?! You go around the entire office and ask everyone to part with their precious office supplies.
Gary: We weren’t trying to be mean.
Sick Worker: Oh what we’re you trying to be? Nice? You think it’s nice to give someone with cancer an eraser? What do you want me to be Gary? Gracious?! Ohhhhh thank for the precious thumbtacks and printer paper. I’m so glad you didn’t get me an iTunes gift card or something I could actually use, but these wonderful office supplies which is sooooo helpful considering how much office work I’ve been doing from bed. From my bed of cancer.
Gary: Ok we get it, you don’t like jokes.
Sick Worker: Oh I like jokes Gary, but I also like jokes that have a little bit of tact. For instance, I’ve never made fun of your giant thumbs.
Gary: What?!
Gary looks down at his thumbs. They are very large. (Honestly, check them out above in the picture. They’re huge.)
Sick Worker: Everyone in the office makes fun of them, but I never have. Do you realize how hard it is to not make fun of them? Look at them! Who has thumbs like that? They look like they ate your other fingers.
Gary: Now you’re being a jerk. I have a condition.
Sick Worker: Ohhh a condition, really? Well then here’s a box of shitty office supplies. Get well soon.
Gary turns and walks away. Remorse rushes over the face of the sick worker.
Sick Worker: Uhhh, Gary.
Gary slowly turns around.
Gary: What.
Coworker: I’m sorry… I forgot to say fuck you again. Fuck you.
The sick worker fires a rubber band hitting Gary squarely in the head.
———————————————————————————
But Ron this is a humourous greeting card. Of course no one would do this in real life.
Exactly! The worst part about this card is that it’s just a card. You don’t even get any office supplies. Even if they were unorganized, phyiscal office supplies are better than imaginary office supplies. Instead of “Get Well Soon”, this card should just read:
“Hey you, you sick? Think of a shitty gift. Ok now pretend we gave it to you. Oh and fuck you. Love, your crappy coworkers.”
Comedian Ron Babcock taking unnecessary cards down a notch.
The Comedy Bureau “Tips Its Hat” this week to JERROD CARMICHAEL.
During the first edition of First Five, a delightfully refreshing stand up comedy show where all the comedians do their very first five minutes they ever wrote, Jerrod performed off a crumpled piece a paper and performed a set that he did at a high school talent show in which he started with telling the principal to go fuck himself and then, still in the spirit of poking fun at his former self, ranted how about he doesn’t understand Siegfried and Roy and their white tiger like damn… damn.
With the likes of Greg Proops, Paul F. Tompkins, and Reggie Watts receiving Tips of the Hat, you might just be wondering exactly who is Jerrod Carmichael. If credits are a concern, he’s a legitimate regular at the big clubs here in LA, but that’s not really why he’s being given this week’s “Tip of the Hat”. Simply put, Jerrod Carmichael is hilarious all the time.
Whether at the Original Room at the Comedy Store (where he’s a paid regular) or at the back of Meltdown Comics for the indie-alt comedy show Meltdown or even at a sparse college bar full of the drunken frat/sorority crowd, Carmichael kills it. As composed and mild-mannered as he may seem by merely staying in one place on stage, often keeping the mic in the mic stand, Carmichael keeps people hanging off every word he says, especially since he’ll linger on a couple of them in any given joke. Though he can be described as a low-energy comic, he’s still incredibly engaging with his stage presence as he’s genuinely delighted to be telling jokes wherever he happens to be and a delivery comparable to a lovely, slowly kindling Christmas fireplace.
When it comes to writing jokes and their subsequent economy of words, Carmichael, hailing all the way from North Carolina, has definitely honed what he writes, or even what he riffs, into often perfectly phrased lines making the fact that he’s broke, an extremely common topic amongst comics, both original and hysterical, “I’m at a point in my life… where… … $30… can change… everything.” No matter if he talks about his life or past wars of the United States, Carmichael’s observations on anything are, like I said earlier, hilarious all the time.
If you’re in LA, you’ll catch him popping up any sort of show from any size of club, so check back at the Comedy Bureau frequently to see when and where he’s going up.
7) OPEN MIC RUN HOLLYWOOD HOTEL 1160 N. Vermont Ave., Los Angeles, CA/Starts 7PM THE SANDWICH SPOT 3101 Ocean Park Ave., Santa Monica, CA/Starts 7PM CAFE ON 2ND 7 S. 2nd St., Alhambra, CA/Sign-up 7PM/Starts 7:30PM/10 min. guaranteed TKO SHOW @ 212 CAFE 212 Pier Ave., Santa Monica, CA/Starts 9PM
8) Day 153 of the Comedy Bureau. You’re all welcome.
Many years ago, I was having drinks with Lewis Black and a few other people at an upscale hotel bar in Milwaukee. There were only a few people in the bar and we were having a nice time. A couple of rowdy, post-college guys recognized Lewis. He was very cordial, signing stuff and getting his…
